The Time Traveler's Wife

I'm gonna use this space of the internet to not only talk about my life but to discuss the books I'm reading. I'm thinking of loaning Dan the Time Traveler's Wife as it would appeal to male and female audiences I think.

The book is wonderful. It's a love story about a man named Henry who time travels in and out of his wife's life. Her name is Clare Abshire. At times it's heartwrenching what they go through and other times it's so beautiful and romantic. The ending is sad, but the ultimate ending gives hope. I would recommend this book to everyone. It's got a lot of sex in it, as they are married, but they're also trying to have a child. But that's not the only entertaining part. At times it's LOL funny... other times it's OMG no! You would think it would be hard to understand and sometimes you start thinking about it, like how is this possible? But just keep reading and it is understandable. I want to read Audrey Niffeneger's *the author* next book called "Her Fearful Symmetry" but I'll wait till it's out in paperback next year.

As for the book I read after that called "the Pink Ghetto" it was an interesting story. No real sex. I'd read her again, but I really didn't like how she ended the book and I thought that the beginning of it didn't really fit with the ending. Like in it she gets a puppy from her ex boyfriend who is her roommate and theyre like playing house, then he does the ultimate betrayal to her and the end is like the ultimate backstab for him. It works out in some ways, but in that case, it seems like the ex boyfriend likes her, but then he doesn't? I don't know, it just seemed odd. What I'm reading now is called "Still Thinking of You" and I would be reading it right now if I weren't writing this blog and debating getting dressed.

Yes, I'm debating getting dressed. I don't really have anywhere to go today so I don't know if I should bother, although I did do my hair and a bit of makeup *pulled back with bangs on either side and makeup is tinted moisturizer, lipgloss/lipstick combined and eyeliner and mascara. I curled my lashes for the first time in a decade cos i felt like it, ha!* So I don't know if I'm going to get dressed but I probably will. I had 4 cups of coffee according to my coffee maker which were very good. Now i'm drinking crystal light lemonade. Tomorrow my cousin and her husband and daughter from originally Florida, but now California are coming to my parent's house. So I gotta get to bed a bit earlier tonight to make sure I'm up for that event. I'm getting the Ford Taurus that I hated driving. But maybe since I hated it I won't crash it. It seems cars I dislike have a better chance with me. But it's better than the POS I have rented to me right now. I pick up the Taurus on Friday before I go down the shore for the weekend. Which means Thursday night, stuck at the parent's, and possibly tomorrow for a while since I'm turning in the rental tomorrow.

I may still have to go to court because my asshole doctor won't fill out paperwork. My lawyer is going to try to talk to him, but my asshole doctor won't answer his calls. I know he won't. I'm curious as to what's going to happen the day I see him. I kinda want to cancel my appointment cos he's made me cry before. He doesn't like me. I thought he did cos he once spent a half hour talking to me about random stuff for no reason, but ever since my mom started on him about getting paperwork filled out he's stopped liking me. And it's not okay, because see, I'm on two benzos. One is for anxiety during the day, the other is for sleep. I don't know what other doctor is going to prescribe that, and the thing is IT WORKS! it took me 10 years to find what works that won't put weight on me. So if I go to a different doctor he may try something else. If it's Xanax 3 times a day, maybe then I'll have to live with that, but Ativan seems to really help, plus the 3 Klonopin that I'm supposed to take during the day but I take at night w/ Ativan. I have a lot of problems sleeping because of my anxiety, and I just pray for the day when my anxiety is gone. It can't come soon enough. Or the day I have a child, where the child keeps me up all night to the point where I collapse into natural sleep again. But that's not for a while. And that will only be like 4-5 hours at a time. And it may only be every couple of days. I didn't get the manic end of the bipolar stick, depression likes me best, but I got the anxiety end of the borderline personality stick and it really likes to fuck with me.

My friend Allen Schatz says to hang in and keep the faith, but sometimes it's so hard. I really don't wanna go to court again in February. So I'm hoping my therapist's testimony paperwork is enough to get me out of it. Or she's gonna have to go to court to testify and my mom was saying it costs like thousands of dollars for these other types of lawyers I would have to get. I'm owing my parent's huge chunks of change that I DO NOT HAVE. Where would I be without them?

Anyways, in a few days is Turkey Day and we're going to the Century/Sentry? House for dinner. We always go there. I think I'm done my Christmas list.
So I'm gonna post it here:
The movie “The Way We Were”
Any books by Marian Keyes and Donna Kauffman except for “Dear Prince Charming, the Cinderella Rules, Rachel’s Holiday, Watermelon and Angels”
Lori Foster’s “Jude’s Law” and “Murphy’s Law”
The book “Shutter Island”
The book “The Rules of Attraction”- Bret Easton Ellis
BH 90210 Season 8
Ghostbusters 1 and 2 on DVD
New middle size barrel Curling iron
Body Sprays
Supernatural Seasons 3 and 4
Mani/Pedi from Nail Expressions *right on 202 next to where the old Pudge’s used to be near the nerd shop Infinite Universes*

Anyways, I am gonna get dressed. Then I'm gonna read my book. Thanks for reading. And follow me on Twitter if you're not already. www.twitter.com/me0wmixalot and if you friend me on facebook tell me who you are... www.facebook.com/lwinterbottom cos i won't friend you if we don't have friends in common, you don't tell me who you are, or we have friends in common that I don't speak to.
Oh, soon to come a review of some other books I've read the past couple of months. Like the Cinderella Rules, Dear Prince Charming, Rachel's Holiday, the Lovely Bones and Just Listen.
-Laura

So Sorry...

So Sorry to those who actually read this, but I haven't felt like writing the past week. But I'll update really quick.

Went to court Monday. Didn't lose my license. There's a whole other issue involved with that but I'm not going to talk about it because I don't want to get in trouble for slander.

My teacher for this course accused me of plagiarism. This class is almost over, so I'm not dealing with it. I have enough to deal with as it is. I'll be cited by the university, and she can go back to having her students call her something so she seems like she is younger than she actually is which is OLD. I spoke w/ her on the phone and she sounded like a tired old cranky bitch. I have some options for her, but again, I don't want to get in trouble for slander.

Thanks for reading. I'm currently reading the Time Traveler's Wife and it's good so far. I'll post again sometime soon.
-Laura

you've gotta come back somehow...

So not everything has been going as planned for me with getting Doctor's notes and stuff. My primary care physician won't write a letter till she sees one from my psychiatrist so whatever. Fuck that. And my psychiatrist didn't show up for his meeting he was supposed to be at to get the information to write the letter for me. So fuck that too. My therapist wrote a letter, which I will hopefully get in the mail tomorrow. For extra help my mom has employed a lawyer who I will be going to see at 2pm today. Hopefully he can help me and my situation. Going to court again is just not my idea of fun. I hate it. And to think, I wanted to be a lawyer. HA!

I've been listening to Delerium Radio on Pandora nonstop the past few days. Since Friday night actually. It's just great. The perfect combination of trance. I missed this stuff.

Anyways, I haven't really been up for doing anything except reading and tweeting and watching my shows. Gonna do some homework in a few mins just to get started on it for the week. Matt's coming over tonight to hang out and watch SVU with me. I was up at 630 this morning. Made two cups of instant coffee. Now I'm drinking crystal light. Had some egg whites.

I need a pedicure... *sigh*... among other things... I woke up from weird dreams this morning. I was w/ some lady who I shared a hotel room with and she left out candy for ghosts, and my Dad and I were talking to some guy and I was trying to give him a pep talk and my Dad said if I don't lose my license that he's gonna buy me that car he looked at for me. I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I can't believe I'm in this mess. It really sucks. And it seems like no one really knows what to do to help me. My doctors aren't doing shit for me. I just hope my therapist and a lawyer is good enough. Great now I've started thinking about it and am beginning to feel shitty about things again. I'm gonna do some homework and talk to my friend on AIM and not think about it.
-me

License

So, someone told Harrisburg of my "medical condition" and the state wants to take away my license. So I have to go through a whole process of getting letters from my doctors stating that I am okay to drive. I'm going to get them from my psychiatrist, my family doctor, my therapist and my case manager. All saying I'm not on those medications anymore and that I am able to drive. I have to go to court for this. My mom thinks I don't understand the severity of this. Yes, I know I could have killed 3 people in the other car, which I'm sure are the ones who wanted my license taken away, which I don't blame them for. But if they knew the situation a bit better... I made a mistake... anyways, hopefully I can get a court date before the scheduled time for me to send in my license. Sucks to be me right about now.

That's all. Watched Garden State with Dan tonight cos he's never seen it. It's a good movie, so I didnt mind watching it again. Tomorrow I have to write my paper for Research Methods. Yay!
Thanks for reading.
-Laura
ps- here is a link to the car my parent's want to get me...

Dating Without Novacaine

Watching the Rhihanna story on ABC. I don't really have anything to say except that I've been there, and she's right "Eff love... cos it's so blind..." I totally agree with that statement. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 plus years and I didn't get out till he broke up with ME... I often wonder if he's abusing his gf, or wife if she and he are married. I wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Anyways, found out something really disturbing that happened to my friend on Monday, and it just holds true that my beliefs that the dating website plentyoffish.com is filled with psychos and weirdos and creeps. I wish my friend hadn't had to find out the hard way. Luckily, the only people I met from there that were nuts live far away from me. He's in the porn industry. What a great job for this guy who described himself as a self-made millionaire. He left his ex gf and son back in Oregon? to proceed with this "career"... one of the other guys I met on there remains my friend and worries that he may be seen as creepy. I think his profile is too safe and innocent for that to happen. Just beware any future users of POF... it's really an unsafe environment. I met one creepy guy off there who practically demanded to come back to my apartment to have sex. Thanks for the Starbucks though!

Moving on... so it's been over 2 weeks now and my face hasn't healed completely. I have some burn marks on my chin and going up to my nose and I still have some bumps and bruises on my chest (side note: Jesus christ could my parent's make it any hotter in the house? I'm dying). The burn marks on my nose are kinda annoying cos you can tell I'm missing skin on the tip of my nose so my pores are like HELLO! I've been covering it up with makeup and been pretty successful so far with it. Except for the fact of looking a bit orange today, but that's okay, I have that Day-Glo thing going on ;)

Anyways, you all know I love the Phillies. Well, they went to the World Series and lost to the Yankees. It would've been cool if they had won again, but the Yankees are a bought team. They bought their way to the World Series. Anyways, I made some friends on twitter on PhilliesNation and PhilliesPeeps this past season and of course my good friend Allen Schatz aka @raschatz *hopefully he'll still talk to me when he's the best selling author of his book Game 7* anyways, so I friended one of the head's of Phillies Nation and he wrote up an article of what happened at the World Series and I think he can sum it up better than I can so here's his article:
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/content/article/why-the-philles-lost-the-world-series/ written by a very talented soon to be sportswriter if I got that right: Corey Seidman. He made the best point in the article that the shutdowns of Brad Lidge and Cole Hamels were key to the shutdown of the Phils during most of the games. My Dad also said this.

Avon Calling. I so want to be an Avon Lady while I'm in school. They're talking about it on the news right now. I've got like 6 more years, sure I'll be working in the field after I finish my Bachelor's *and of course I'll go back into working slowly for those of you who know my situation* but that PhD is a long way off. And now after this accident I'm kinda wondering if I should ever even buy a Porsche when I can afford one. My parent's are going out to look for a new car for me tomorrow morning.

Anyways, my Best Bud *Buddy- my favorite kitty in the whole world* is laying on my laptop bag next to me. He's such a doll. I love his little paws. Okay, I'm shutting up now. Oh, I got the piercing that they took out of my ear back in. Thank god. I just need someone to put the ball on it. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

Accident

Yesterday, around 730 pm I was almost home and I passed out in my car and drove into the other lane and slammed head first into an oncoming car. My airbags went off. I screamed and thought I was about to die.

Well, I didn't die, and I dont think anyone who was in the other car got hurt either, but we all were taken to the hospital. I was first in the trauma unit because I complained of chest pains which I still have. I believe I"m just bruised on my chest. My face is a bloody mess. Not English bloody, but really bloody. I've tried washing off the blood and picked some of it off, but it starts to puss and it really hurts and stuff. This coming from the girl who has her nipples pierced. They took out one of my piercings that I have had for 8 years that i really liked in my ear. I haven't ever seen anyone with that piercing before and I got a lot of compliments with that.

My car may be totaled and I just got it in January. A ford explorer which I really liked. Now I don't know what I'm gonna do. Hopefully I can get a rental car or something. I can't not drive. I live alone and I do like to leave my aptment occasionally. For real. I basically did this to myself. The first time I swerved on the road I should have driven back to my aptment and asked my mom to bring my book to me. Which reminds me, I need to do my homework. So I'll go find my book and see if I can do some of my homework. I emailed my teacher and told her the mess of a story. I hope she believes me.

I may just go back to sleep for a little while instead of doing homework. I'll find my book though cos I haven't seen it yet. Anyways, thanks for reading.
-Laura

there's a she wolf in the closet

Hi everyone... i'm still half asleep or soething but i did some chores around the apartment... i'm hoping to go back to sleep in a little bit... anyways i want a new processor for my computer and i'm wondering if the tech guys do that and how much it would cost and if it would destroy all my data.. i need to get my book from my parent's house to do my homework for today... anyways, bye... thanks for reading...
SOS
-Laura
Meet me halfway, right at the border

PHILS BACK TO WORLD SERIES!!!

I'm so happy right now... the Phils are headed back to the World Series... Theyll most likely be playing the Yankees who they beat 2 games to 1 back in May. The only reason they lost to the Yankees was b/c Brad Lidge fucked up, and he is back. He was in great form tonight. I'm watching channel 6 news, b/c Channel 10 is playing reruns of fallon. It's like WTF? WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS come first... reruns... seriously...
Anyways, the world series starts next Wednesday probably in the Bronx. I called this memorial day weekend. How I knew, I don't know? I'm just so excited.

Anyways, so I've been communicating a bit with Justin, but I'm gonna kinda just ignore him if he's online from now on. There's no point in talking to him really. OH yeah, now I remember why I broke up with him. He says I 'dumped' him, but it's more like he set himself up to be out of my life. I need to erase him from my life completely but something keeps bringing me back...

Tomorrow I have to run to my parent's house to get my new textbook for my latest class: Research Methods, which I'm really not looking forward to. I'm thinking of doing the final paper on Insomnia since I've been suffering from it so much lately. Today I got a new script for Elavil. I took 300 mg's of it tonight to knock me out. I'll set my alarm so I wake up and then start my day. Instead of laying in bed all day. Plus I wanna finish "The Lovely Bones". So I can start on a chick lit book called "Everyone worth knowing"... I'm starting to feel kinda tired right now, so I think I'm gonna wrap this up... Thanks for reading...
-Laura

Tattoos and memories

Okay, so the phils are one game away from clinching the NLCS... yay! But i'm scared of the yankees... theyre a scary team, but I know it will be a fight back and forth between the Phils and the Yanks...
Anyways, today I read more of the lovely bones... it's pretty good, but kinda depressing and a bit confusing w/ all the dialogue and thoughts of the dead girl... i wonder what will happen in the end cos not much is going on right now... and after this book i'm gonna need a heavy dose of chick lit... i want to read the cinderella rules by donna kauffman but i gotta buy it first... and i want to read shutter island before it's out in theatres... that movie should freak me out... it looks freaky... not paranormal activity freaky, but freaky...
Anyways, I talked to Justin tonight... it was odd... it feels like we dated a thousand years ago... he's really trying hard to stay sober... he has a new friend who is keeping him sober it seems... i just wonder when the ball will drop and what will happen to make him lose his sobriety...
Anyways, it's cold in my aptmnt... i have the window open cos i was hot earlier, and it's gonna get hot tomorrow... it's 46 degrees outside right now... ill probably just put on a sweatshirt or hoodie or something...
Hope I can sleep tonight without Elavil... if not, i'll just stay up... can't do my homework for thursday cos i don't have the book yet, but i can start on the research paper... shouldnt be hard to start... i dont know what i'm going to be researching yet... i guess ill have to figure that out before i do research...
Thanks for reading...
-Laura

Paranormal Activity/Phils

I'm watching the 3rd game of the NLCS and the Phils are ahead by 4 right now. =) That makes me happy. And Chooch just hit a double. The phillies are just awesome. I don't know what I'm gonna do once the season is over. I'm gonna miss them so much.

Anyways, last night I saw the movie Paranormal Activity. It was pretty creepy. Most of it was the couple in the house watching things happen with the camera, like doors closing by themselves and the chandelier shaking by itself and then in the attic there was a burnt picture of the girl in the movie at her old house that was burnt down and they didn't know how it got there. The end was crazy. The girl wanted to leave the house and go to a hotel, but then she is possessed by the demon and says that she wants to stay at the house now and gives this really creepy stare and smile into the camera. Then she gets up in the middle of the night and stands and stares at her boyfriend then walks down the hall then you hear her screaming really bad and all of a sudden her boyfriend is thrown against the camera and there is blood all over her shirt and he is lying there motionless and she then stares up at the camera and shuts it off and the end says that the guy's body was found but the girl was nowhere to be found. Most of it I laughed at the scary parts but when I got home I slept with the lights on. I don't know if I will tonight or not. I woke up this morning feeling kinda silly about it. Oh well. I probably will sleep with the lights on again tonight. Haha. I'm a wuss.

Anyways, I'm done my Statistics class. I handed in the final paper about a half hour ago. And i posted my final posts to the message board. Next is Research Methods, then Personality which gets split in half cos of my December break. I can't believe I'll have been doing this for a year already. It went by so fast. It's almost Thanksgiving. It's almost Halloween actually. I gotta start doing some shopping for Christmas presents.

Anyways, sorry if I spoiled the ending of PA for you. But wikipedia does too. I knew what was going to happen, I just can't get the creepy smiles from the chick out of my head. Creepy, but good for Halloween. I also saw House of 1000 Corpses last weekend. That movie was fucking awesome! I loved it. And at Nicole's we watched Wicked Little Things.

Oh and now the bases are loaded for Howard. C'mon big man you can do it! H got an RBI... anyways, i'm going to go back to watching the game now. Thanks for reading.
-Laura

LA Candy

LA Candy was one of the worst books I have ever read. It was rubbish. It was nothing but two girls who go and get famous because theyre on a reality show. Stupid. And the ending was really stupid too. I was getting worried as I got to the end of it because things weren't resolved, and they never do resolve. The one chick ends up tricked and goes to Mexico with some bitch in the book and that's how they end it. It just sucked. The whole 326 pages of it sucked. And it was a fast read. The print was so big. Over the weekend at my parent's I'll be reading the book I left there that is actually good and funny, and then on Monday I'll start The Time Traveler's Wife.
So the other night I wanted to get a glimpse into Lauren Conrad's world and put on the Hills. It sucked so much ass. It was a bunch of beautiful girls looking for hot guys, arguing over ugly ones and shopping and gossiping. It's like, okay, I'll tape myself for a week then watch it. Except for the beautiful girls part, except for my friends, but that's a whole other pity party for me that I don't want to get into. I don't deserve pity. I got myself into this overweight mess, I'll dig myself out. I've been craving some of the food I used to eat and feel guilty about eating. Tonight I pigged out on fish. Tilapia to be exact. That shit is expensive too. I'll have to grab some from my mom's surplus in the freezer in the basement.
As for my Mom. She's not doing so well. She went to the ER after her stress test today because of pain in her leg. She can't even walk. I told her to park in the handicapped parking spot even though she doesn't have a tag. I hope she didnt have to walk far, b/c she said she couldnt do that. If I couldn't walk and the officer tried to put a ticket on my car I would say, but I can't walk! I used to have trouble walking distances b/c of my weight, but now I'm a lot better with it. I don't mind parking far away from the door at the grocery store. My back just hurts when I go on a steady walk, and on my treadmill and stuff. So I have to take breaks and stuff, but that's okay. But back to my Mom. I'm really worried about her. I hope they gave her the good pain medication. She needs it, and not for me to take!
As for this weekend, I'll be working on my Stat paper during the day on Saturday and going to Avenue to buy some new clothes if I can find anything I like, plus these fabulous boots that I can't wait to get. I do need snow boots though too, which I should get at payless. I got a shoe rack for my closet so my shoes are all piled up nicely in there now on the rack and I have what I need of my winter clothes which isn't much. Maybe I'll find some cute stuff. Who knows? But I would like another pair of pants and another pair of yoga like sweatpants. And leggings. Maybe I'll go on their website first to look at what I am interested in.
So this blog was a bunch of random crap. Supernatural was good, it was funny, but they showed SOON instead of next week and a bunch of previews for what is coming up. I don't know how the hell they're going to fight the devil. And Vampire Diaries is getting better and better and Ian Somerhalder is so fucking hot. I'd let him bite my neck and suck my blood dry any day. Especially with the way he plays that character. YUM!
Anyways, that's all. The Phillies lost today. So theyre one and one with the Rockies and have to go to Colorado and play in freezing cold temperatures. Let's hope they win out there. I don't have much hope, but last night's game gave me hope. Or I should say yesterday's game, so I don't know what's going to happen. I hope they win. I'd like to see them in the World Series again against the Yanks cos we all know the Yankees are headed there. WFC! World Champions... World Fucking CHampions! Oh and Cole Hamels wife went into labor today. I wanna see pics of the baby if he is even born yet. I bet he's adorable as hell. He'll be super good looking with Cole's Hollywood looks and Heidi is just beautiful. Ah, I'm excited for them.
Alright, peace out.
-Laura

i see you lookin at me like i'm some kinda freak...

Ello... It's October 8th... I think it's been a week since I updated. But nothing much has changed except that the Phils won their first game of the NLDS. Yay! Whenever they get a run I go: "yay!"... i'm such a nerd...
Anyways, so I'm going to a Dark Disco Club show at the end of the month at club Risque... it'll be nice to see some strippers but also to see DDC live which I have yet to do. My old friend said it was okay I be there as long as I'm cool... whatever that means... I don't have a blabbermouth and I think that's what he's afraid of... but I heard he has these really tight pants and I'm interested in seeing this... I'm going w/ Nic... it'll be good to see her... it's been a few months... she's also getting over Jake which I'm proud of her for... He wasn't good for her... And she hit her 90 days sober! I'm so proud of her... it gets easier and easier... the first 90 days are key... I've been sober from pills and pot for 6 months... I didn't realize how bad I was using... you just get wrapped up in it... and this book I read called "Rachel's Holiday" kinda opened my eyes to how bad I was... I was popping 20 klonopin to get high *btw, i found a whole half bottle of klonopin in my makeup bag that I didnt know I had- so I'm using them to help me get to sleep tonight*... I had a bad thought tonight but I won't follow through with it... my mom is probably going to get pain pills and I was thinking of swiping a few of them, but I won't... I don't want to start up the habit again...
Anyways, so I've been reading A LOT... try to devote at least an hour to reading everyday... right now I'm almost done LA Candy by Lauren Conrad. It's okay for a first book. Kinda dry. Doesn't have the humor and stuff of other authors I have read. It's basically just a story with a few minor details in it. I saw someone on the beach reading it. Next I'm gonna read the Time Traveler's Wife.
I'm debating staying overnight at my parent's Friday and Saturday nights. I'm not sure if I want to or not. Matt is coming over on Saturday night to watch the game *if there is one- i'm crossing my fingers there isnt one, and that the Phils have won the series* or we'll watch a horror movie on Demand... he said my life is too public b/c of twitter... I've been trying to save money by not going to the movies... instead last weekend me and Dan rented "Fighting" which I still need to return and I can get a movie for $2 and I'll probably get Rachel Getting Married... cos I've been wanting to see that for a while now... months even... what's funny is all of True Blood is there now... I could rent the first two episodes if I wanted to... *I wanna do bad things with you... hehe*... love that song... love the show... the second season is over now... now I wana see this show on showtime called Dexter... I think it's in it's 3rd season... anyways, i may just stay at my parent's on Saturday night. But then I won't be able to wake up and start working on my paper right away, so probably Friday I'll go over there... I'm planning on writing this Stat paper next weekend... wish me luck...
Anyways, that's all for now really... I'm listening to some Pop right now on Pandora... i've never even heard this song before... oh well... gnite!
-Laura

Things and People that Annoy me

Okay, so somethings have been bothering me, well annoying me to my wits end lately.
Some people in my personal life have been annoying me, but they read this or may read this, so I don't want to bitch about them unless it really comes down to needing to vent.

Anyways onto #1:
Lady Gaga- she looks like a teenage popstar who doesn't know anything about fashion. She craves attention and it is given to her and she just looks ridiculous. Her outfits at the VMA's were absolutely stupid and ridiculous. Who wears a veil? Especially a red veil over their face? Lady Gaga. Where did she get these atrocious outfits that are loud and screaming in my face and annoying the living hell out of me. People craving fame and attention annoy me... which brings me to my next point...
The women who fucked David Letterman... who is gross enough to sleep with him? What kind of fame are you seeking to sleep with an old bag like him? And speaking of him, when is it his turn to pass the torch down to someone else in late night? Maybe he is funny SOMETIMES, but seriously, he didn't want to get married b/c he was having all sorts of affairs. He's a lying, cheating, scumbag. Worthless.
The Mayors of NJ: TAKE A JOKE! Conan O'Brien made a joke about Newark *the white trash city of hell* NJ and the mayor of Newark decided to ban him from flying into Newark. Oh no! Cry me a river! Conan retorted back with a bunch of jokes about the city and how dirty and shitty it is. *Good job Coco*... anyways, so the mayors of NJ all came together and decided that they were going to ban Conan from NJ the entire state. It's like, what are we children? "No you can't play with my blocks because you made fun of them before"... what's next bringing out legos and GI Joe's? So immature. I just can't wait for Conan to make fun of them some more, which will happen. And when he's gotten someone good, he's nasty. Which is awesome. Go Coco! And go LaBamba!
Sarah Palin: She is sooooo fucking stupid. Granted, I give her credit for dropping some weight and she looks fabulous, but she is soooo stupid. I'm tempted to read her memoirs, but I figure i'll be bored to death because it will be all about how she had sex a million times to give birth to her million children. I can see Russia from my house! Wow, you must feel special. A special SHUT THE FUCK UP to you Sarah Palin. I won't be voting for you in 2012, if you even make it there.

On a lighter note, it's October and time for October baseball. The phillies clinched their division title last night. So it's playoffs time baby. Goodnight.
-Laura

Once again, I just got finished doing some upper body work. I do 50 biceps curls, 50 hammer curls, 50 triceps dips, 50 kickbacks, 50 lateral raises in front, and 60 to the side. I may repeat that one more time tonight cos I am getting stronger. It may be time to increase the weight. Not sure though. I do want to just tone though. So maybe lots of reps, and adding in reps and sets will help.
I'm still drinking a gallon of water a day. Which means I've been doing it for over a week. Yesterday I drank 18-19 glasses. So that's more than a gallon. I've been doing half just water and half watered down crystal light. Just for flavor. Been thinking about watering down the crystal light even more. But the problem is then I'll be able to taste my tap water which tastes like shit. Why is my computer being all slow to type this? I'll have to reboot once I'm done or something, cos I need to do homework tonight and I can't have it freezing up on me like it always does when I use blackboard.

Anyways, the Phils may clinch their division tonight. I'm so hoping they do. I'll do a little dance around my room if they do! Hehe. I'm so excited. I wish I was going to tonight's game. I'm sure they'll be busting out the champagne tonight in the locker room. =) Fun times.

Not much else is doing on, except that I'm in the middle week of my Stat course. So I'm almost halfway there. Then I think I have another Psychology course, but I have to check. It's just about time to order my book though for it. I have to have my mom order it though. She kinda banned me from Amazon after I spent 80 some dollars on books. But I have been reading them. Actually, no I haven't. I've been reading the ones I got at the bookstore. Well, my next one I'll read from the ones I got off of Amazon. I've been flying through books lately.

I'm listening to Delerium right now, but may turn it off to read a bit more. I'm trying to read like 100 pages a day. And I left a book at my parent's house to read for strictly when I'm there. I left a book called "Dear Prince Charming" there. It's funny, just like the one I'm reading now by Marian Keyes called "Rachel's Holiday." Anyways, time for me to get to reading now. Thanks for reading!
-Laura =^-^=
ps- this Delerium album is good...

Lalalalala...

I just got done doing some upper body exercises. I really don't feel upto doing anything else today. That's 5 days of some sort of activity. I've been drinking a gallon of water a day lately. I suppose it will help. I'm not convinced yet. A friend asked if I felt better cos of it, and I didn't want to say no, but the truth is, no I don't. I'm just peeing a lot more. Like you needed to know that.

Anyways, I'm in Stat and got back my first assignment from last week and got full credit for the two posts. I didn't really know what to respond to my classmates so I just wrote really whatever.

My neighbor has been using my treadmill. She lost 7 lbs in a week and a few days. She walks a lot too. Me... I had lost 3 lbs, now the scale is being weird and fluctuating. I think it's because of all the water. I need to increase my workouts or something. Even though I am eating mostly veggies and smart ones dinners and stuff. And drinking all that water. I don't know what to do really. I'll ask my nutritionist I guess. Maybe I need to cut something out.

*************************************************************************************
I just watched Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. I thought Supernatural was kinda a bland episode till the ending when Lucifer showed up. I was like, oh no way! Bill was right, it's brother against brother. Craziness. When I first started watching this show I never expected this. Any of this. Just so good.

Anyways, I gotta get a shower and wash my hair. It really needs some deep conditioning. I bleached it last week. I need to condition it at least a few times a week now. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

I've either been watching too much TV or it's time for me to write a story that will be unfinished, unpublished and everything else that goes along with my stories. Maybe after I post this blog I'll write it. Won't take me long.

Anyways, I don't get it. I go to bed at like 3-330 AM and I sleep till like 2-3pm... I go to sleep at midnight, and I wake up at 5am and can't get back to sleep... what is wrong with my body? It does not want to sleep properly, even with all the sleeping pills. I popped another Ativan b/c even if I took Elavil now I wouldn't wake up till probably Vampire Diaries was on and I want to work out and I have to do homework tomorrow, er today. So blah. I was looking at people's pics on facebook and it's such a small world. I feel like everyone in my friends went to this wedding of a local family in Blue Bell or whatever and I am friends with them on facebook but never actually talked to them. Weird huh? Anyways, I'm gonna get more water and write this story. It has a Prologue to it and everything. Haha.
-Laura

I'm bored again.

I haven't written in about a week, so I figured I would update this a bit. Anyways, I've lost 2 lbs so far in the past week or so. I am happy with that, but also kinda annoyed that my 2nd cousin has posted tagged photos of me on facebook. I know she means well, but I don't want people seeing my fat ass. Anyways, I've decided I'm going to try and workout every day in some way. I've been drinking a lot of water just to flush everything out of my system. And eating a lot of veggies. So that's that on the diet front.

I started my Statistics class today. I'm terrified and I read the guidelines for the final paper and I'm like WTF already... I don't have a clue what I'm going to write about. Or how I'm going to go about writing it. I have a feeling this is how I'm going to feel when I get to graduate school. Like WTF am I doing here? But I figure I'll get it eventually.

Anyways, I don't have much else to say except that Kanye West is a troubled jackass. Thank you president Obama for that.

So precious loving the thrill...

Ah, I don't know where to start, I just feel like I should write a blog. Well, I went to see the nutritionist today and she was happy with what I have been doing. I've been eating lots of veggies and exercising almost daily 4-5 days a week to try to get this weight off. Matt says I look good and that he can tell I've lost weight. I can see a difference too. I can't wait till I'm down to my goal weight.

Anyways, the Phils haven't been doing so well lately. They lost 4 in a row to the Astros because theyre not hitting the ball. The somehow won last night over the Nationals *the worst team in baseball* because of 5 solo homeruns, then Brad Lidge came in to save the game and loaded the bases. Luckily enough, Madson got them out of the jam they were in.

I see my therapist today. I don't have much to talk about except maybe that the guy I was seeing just wants to be friends which I kinda wanted too. In a way I wanted it to work out, but in a way I just couldn't see myself with him. Talking to him is natural for me and stuff, but his inexperience was just kind of daunting for me. I'm not going to go into his personal life or anything like that, because it's not fair to do that, but I experienced a lot while I was at college. Widener University was like my place to learn how to do stuff. And then I was in long term relationships and just learned how to be myself in them. I was crazy, I'll give you that, but those last 6 months with Justin I wasn't crazy at all. We had a good time if it werent for his alcoholism. We got along just fine except for his booze driven rants at me. Which never would have occurred if he was sober. He's sober now, and I miss him. But people are telling me I'm probably better off in the long run. For now I guess I can just have fun with Serial. =) Goddamn is he sexy. I just don't see him as my boyfriend. He's too much of a loner. And I can really see him breaking my heart. I've known him for so long and been into him even while I was with Justin. It was cos of Justin that we didn't continue what started in January. Justin saw us together and got jealous and determined he still loved me and asked me to be his gf again. A little bit of loving down the shore with Serial just isn't enough. That's why I gotta get him to my apartment. =D Oh and one more thing about Serial, I love that he wears boxer briefs... so sexy. YUMMY!

Anyways, enough about boys... guys... men... I think I'm gonna go for my doctorate in Psychology. I can do it all online, well not all of it, I'll have internships to do, but through Capella I can do it. After I graduate from Ashford I'm going to see when I can start. Or maybe in January of my last year at Ashford (2011- I finish in March of that year) I can get myself set up to go there.

Anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up... I want to do a few mins of weight training quick before I have to leave for therapy.
-Laura

Damsel in Distress

So I am down the shore again. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy with schoolwork. But there's some stuff to get caught up on. Well, I just finished a power point presentation about myself for my class. That was easier than I thought it would be. But I have to do a power point presentation for the paper that is due next week or so. I'm gonna write the rough draft of the paper tomorrow. I knew I had a lot of work to do while I was down here. Thankfully I still have the AT&T air card.
Anyways, so my brother's divorce is still going on. And I am so fucking pissed off at that family right now. His ex wife didn't tell my brother when she was terminating her job and when the insurance which he was on when he was married to her would stop. My brother has a severe case of juvenile diabetes. Not the overweight kind, but the kind you can die from from seizures and stuff. My brother relies on insurance in order to get his medication and like a bitch she doesn't tell him when it ended. He had literally days to get back on the insurance. But luckily he is on it. I'm so excited and so is the rest of my family that he is coming home to PA to stay at my parent's house for the first time in 5 years. My dad looked so happy tonight to have his son back. And my brother will be going to my Dad's birthday dinner. I'm going to make it a point to sit near him. I want to fix things with him and even have emailed him offering my apartment for him to stay at in case the cats bug him too much. Pixie doesn't even know him, and Buddy probably doesn't remember him much. My brother never payed much attention to the cats since he's allergic. But I'm excited.
I also went to a Phillies game last Sunday. It was awesome. I think I'll put on some of the music they played at the game now on my ipod since I'm listening to it. First I'm gonna listen to the rest of Britney's Circus album. It's just so good.
I'm going to be seeing my nutritionist again on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to getting some more insight from her. I've been working my ass off working out and stuff but I need some extra help from a professional. I have a fan on twitter who is really pulling for her. She owns the site www.smashfitness.com She's really cool. I also talk to another guy on there who is named Joe and his site is www.workout.com which is a site w/ daily workouts to do. You can modify them to fit your fitness level. It's hard for me to do some things because my boobs are so big. But I'm working on it. Anyways, I could write a ton more, but I should probably get to bed. I was really tired a little bit ago and I kinda want to get to bed so I can go on the beach tomorrow and read. Hopefully I won't get too sunburned. =)
Goodnight.
-Laura

especially when you're smothering me...

Burp! Excuse me, too much crystal light lemonade... anyways, what's going on in the world of those who actually read this? I was just informed Ted Kennedy has passed on after the other Kennedy died a few weeks ago who started the Special Olympics. Sad days for that family.

Anyways, I am home from the shore now. Couldn't sleep my first day back in my apartment and now I'm typing away at almost 2am. I am peeling big time, but applying lotion every hour on the hour... black Sunday... that's what's playing on my computer from my external hard drive...

Anyways, today I thought of something so cool... I want an asylum named after me... like, she was so crazy they named an asylum after her! LoL. Or because of the research I did or something like that. I just think it would be cool to have something named after me. the Winterbottom Asylum. Has a nice ring to it.

Anyways, one of my friends is really depressed and it's cos of this guy she broke up with. She blames herself, when I think he is the one being selfish. He just wants to be single again. That's it. End of story. He wants to be friends with her probably because he wants to be friends with benefits. She should cut him off. Completely. Especially talking to his coworker. That just interferes more. She shouldn't let him know any intimate details of her life. And she shouldn't give up. There are so many other guys out there that are better than Jake. I mean come on, he works a shitty job that he complains about and is obsessed w/ video games. Can you spell LOSER? And she says people are sick of hearing her complain about him, well of course they are. You shouldn't get so depressed over rejection. I learned that in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You shouldn't get suicidal because someone doesn't want you in their life anymore. It's hard, but I've been through it numerous times after longer and much more intense relationships and I had to just cut the cord and say goodbye. Yeah, I miss Justin. But I have to move on. He was bringing me down, and Jake is bringing down my friend. Telling her she needs to get help for alcoholism when his problem with alcohol is 10x worse. He lives to go to the bar and drink. And I know he didn't like me, but you know what? I don't give a shit what a Loser thinks of me. Or his roommate. His roommate has herpes. YUM. Gimme some of that. Anyways, I love my friend to death and hate seeing her like this. But you gotta get over people. They never turn out the way you want them to. That's why I am being so cautious right now. I am not throwing my all into anything. I made a mistake a week after Justin and I broke up and I'm disgusted with myself for doing what I did, but it's over and done with, and I'll never see that guy again.

My blue dress... black dove, black dove, you're not a helicopter, you're not a cop out either honey black dove...

Sunburn sucks. Peeling sucks. Sweating and peeling sucks too. It looks gross... and i'm all about image, lol. Today at Curves on the Smart program I got all greens so I worked every muscle to it's maximum capacity. It was hard, but worth it... I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. Then I did sets of 100 biceps curls, hammer curls, triceps dips, and then 50 lateral raises, but next time I'm gonna do them till I fail. I really want to fatigue my muscles majorly. I need to get into the LaCrest gym. Andrew is telling me to take Yoga. So I'll give it another shot. =) Anyways, I'm done writing for now. Goodnight internet.
-Laura

when love is lost all i hear are gunshots over me...

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mind
This revolution
(has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that youve got it right

So I'm down the shore for the week... I got sunburnt on Saturday but not that bad... it hurt a little bit but today I made it worse by not wearing sunblock... i thought i was safe cos i didnt go out onto the beach till like 230... but it hurts like hell... and is gonna exhaust me... maybe tomorrow ill put on like spf 80 or something, lol...
Anyways, those lyrics above are from Tricky's Evolution Revolution Love... thank you Joseph Rose for getting me to download this album so many months ago... Blowback... it's sooooo good... I just started listening to it more... I like it a lot...

I've been sleeping in pretty much everyday... I only have 3 more days on the beach so I'll still go down tomorrow... I've been going in the ocean everyday... theyre digging up part of the beach near me where they are trying to make it bigger...

Anyways, I got an A in my Social Psychology class so EAT THAT! April Bradley and Brant Himes... seriously, how can EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WORD be in your own words? Most teachers understand that, but not them. Although I'm kinda nervous about this assignment I turned in for my class I'm in now. I put no citations in. It was all from the internet. Maybe I should have put citations in. Probably. I'll probably lose points for that. Oh well. I have to start working on my paper. I just want to get some sources together.

So, I'm seriously in pain right now and it hurts to bend my arm, so I think I'm gonna wrap this up. Go Phils! I hope they win their division. I think they will.

Oh, last night we went to my favorite restaurant and the chicken parmesan I ordered tasted like shit... it honestly tasted like how cows smell. Not good. It was foul. I should have sent it back, but I've never done that before and I didn't want to do that in front of my cousins too. So, blah...
Hopefully tonight's dinner will be better, although I'll probably just get a salad and soup. I'll see though.
-Laura =^-^=

French fingertips, red lips bitch is dangerous

I'm bored, so I'm going to write... maybe I should go back to short story writing... I don't have any real ideas in my head right now though... I'm listening to Pandora... Britney Spears radio... hey, she deserved a debut on here from me... besides, her poster on my ceiling is coming down soon. Actually I have quite a few pics of her on my ceiling. And I want them all intact when they come down.
Tonight I took down a bunch of pictures off my walls. I just couldn't get to the ones that were up high to take them down, but I told my Mom I want the guy to take them down and just roll them up. Especially the autographed one. That's irreplaceable. It's the blue spaghetti poster for those of you who remember the days of the LAS *Llama Appreciation Society* and numerous websites, including mine, dedicated to the chair. I miss those days. "when we were innocent..." Damn, my innocence is gone... Sometimes I wonder if I ever really was innocent. Starting smoking and drinking at 14. Drugs at 15. Now i'm clean of everything, but still. Crazy times. Fun times though. SOme good memories. SOme really bad memories.
So I got up today and went to my apartment and took stuff back and then I came back here and worked out to a DVD I brought over from my apartment. I'm gonna do another set of shoulders. I'm really working on my upper body. I'll hit Curves on Monday hopefully. Although Elizabeth's mom wants to meet up on Monday to go to the cemetery. I thought of going there today by myself. I'm handling it much better than I thought I would. I guess it's b/c I have so much on my plate right now. School, I'm interested in someone and hope it goes somewhere *you know who you are*, living on my own. Lots of positive changes this year. No longer with an addict. That stress is gone from my life. That itself was pulling me down completely. Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since I last talked to Justin. I have no intentions of calling him. If he calls me I'll talk to him, but that's about it. He lost all his friends basically, but I want to still be there for him in some ways, but no longer sexually. I have too much respect for this new guy *again, you know who you are* to fool around with Justin on the side. Even though when me and J were broken up last year I hooked up w/ 3 other guys, no 4... I dont know... it doesn't matter... right now, I just have enough respect, shit wait no it was 5... hahahaha... and if you don't like it then lalalalalalala... anyways, i'm not hooking up w/ anyone else cos I don't want to fuck up anything...
So I'm really nervous about handing in this paper that is due on Monday. I tried getting help through this writing center program and I was hoping I could get it put through safe assign to look for plagiarism in case I did it by accident. After what happened with my last class, I don't want to have to deal with that all over again. I think my teacher likes me. SHe finally got her doctorate and is so happy. I am happy for her and for my brother.
My Dad told me last night that I'm going to be getting my brother back. I'm wondering how many people in the family he has hurt. I wonder if he has even talked to my Aunt, his godmother since he got married. I doubt he has. And I know he hasn't spoken to my godmother. She points it out sometimes to me. She's gonna be kinda hard to get back in good hands with. Although when I apologized to her for something that upset her she forgave me right away. I don't really remember what happened but I was in the wrong, so I figured I'd apologize. And she accepted it.
I need to bleach my hair again. My roots are sooooo fucking bad, and I know it's cos of the cheap hairdye I use. Next week I'm gonna buy a bleaching kit. Like the powder and the liquid stuff. I believe last time I used Herbal Essences, but I will look around this week for bleaching kits. I did just dye it, but my roots a totally different color then the rest of my hair. And it just looks bad. It's like 3 different shades of blonde. LoL. Maybe in the fall I'll try a darker hue. Who knows? I have some red that is kinda dark that I could possibly try. But right now I want to be blonde.
I'm annoyed, theyre showing previews for Criss Angel's new show that I won't be able to see because I don't have cable yet. I need to get it soon because Supernatural is going to be on soon and I'm dying to see the premiere of the season.
ANyways, I'm hoping He signs on soon. I'm kinda tired tonight. And in my book Something Blue this bitch who got pregnant w/ one of her groomsmen is so fucking full of herself. I am going to have a hard time finding any sympathy for her throughout the book. I may finish it before I go to the shore. But I have some other books I can take down with me. Including Candace Bushnell's latest. I also want to start in on the Shopaholic series. And all of that author's books. I heard theyre funny, so I wanna read them. And maybe another book by Anna Maxted. =)
Anyways, I'm done writing for now. I didn't know this song was by Rihanna. I like it... Please don't stop the music.
-Laura

You're breaking all the rules...

Hey there... I have a headache from eating too much froyo... but i figured this could use an update...

Um... well, i've been sleeping a lot... i've been spending the night at my parent's the past few nights because they're in Florida visitng my brother and supposedly my brother is going to mend things with me... I hope so b/c I cried to my therapist about how worried I am about him and shit like that... it's not fair that he has to deal with the Poli family's nastiness and I knew all along that it would eventually happen, but I didn't realize so soon... I just hope he finishes his degree and I know he will and then he'll be a rich man...

I'm working on a paper that's taking me longer than usual. I hate that... I like writing papers at the last minute ya know? It's just a lot of work. And I'm trying to keep my GPA above 3.5 at least... it was about 3.7... I'm sure I could get it back up to that...

My next class is a computer class... there's a lot of writing involved, so hopefully I'll get that done and be okay with that... then I have Statistics... which as I've said before I'm not looking forward to at all...

I'm listening to random music on Pandora... it's called Playboy Mommy Radio cos I wanted to hear that song, but they didn't play it, they played a different Tori song... oh well... random music can be fun... Okay I'm done writing for now... I still have a headache... maybe it's the music... who knows... and i started my christmas shopping today... I bought a book for my aunt... I'll probably buy her coffee or decaf green tea too...
Gnite
-Laura =^-^=

they, they betray, i'm your only true friend now

So my psychiatrist was an asshole to me today because my Mom had me bringing him forms to fill in... he made me cry... i didn't even get to talk to him today about anything that's been going on... about the horrendous sleeping problem, and when I told him I don't think I'm bipolar he says that's what I used as my reason for getting a certain thing I won't mention... he like threw it back in my face... like, why are you this then? I hate it when people take their displaced anger out on me...

AND THEN: I check my google mail and find that I was found guilty of plagiarism. I got some stupid long speech on how to write papers and how serious plagiarism is and that it can go on my academic record. So I'm praying this paper I'm writing now doesn't come back as plagiarized. Most of it is in my own words. A few sentences here and there that couldn't really be changed are in there.
I wrote a nasty letter back to the guy saying FINALLY I hear something and that I don't think that he and the other two teachers involved *If you want to call them that- they taught me nothing- seriously, what do online "teachers" really teach? I do all the work on my own. I teach myself* and that the other two involved don't seem to realize sometimes same sentences have to be used. It's a thin line, that they made even thinner.

As you can probably tell I'm pissed off, and I'm wi*DELETED*-- I don't want to get kicked out of the University for my thoughts right now. NO MORE TEARS.
Not a good day. Started good. But now is sucking. But talking to Dan will hopefully make me feel better. Sad but true is on right now. I've been hungry all day but haven't been able to eat.
-Laura

Today is the day... isnt that a band?

Anyways, today is the day I finally see my psych. I worked out for the first time today, gonna work out to a DVD in my living room a little bit later. I have to go to my parent's after my psych apptment and then do some research for this paper I'm working on.
Anyways, I've been able to sleep the past few nights. I really think it has something to do w/ the caffeine content in my day. When I drink caffeine it seems I can't sleep. And it's caffeine in tea. So I'm trying to limit it to no caffeine after 4-5 pm... I've been falling asleep really easily lately. The day I posted last I took 75 mg's of Elavil and I slept the entire day until 8pm... That's craziness... I hate when I do that... I like this going to bed and waking up around 1030-11am... I wanna try and start waking up by 930-10am... so like an hour's difference... I'll work on it... Thursday I gotta be up earlier to maybe go work out at Curves and then to go to my parent's house then to the dentist... my parent's are going to Florida to visit my brother... so I am taking care of the house from Thursday-Sunday evening. Thursday night I'm going to see Orphan with a new guy. I hope it works out, cos yes, he is my crush. =)

As for that, Matt has been throwing what this guy called a "temper tantrum". I never should have slept with him. Ever since then he has been super clingy to me. He plays games and he even went to the ER for Insomnia. It's like hellllllllllllllo... you're the one who makes people on Medicaid look bad. Nicole was seriously pissed off about it. I got pissed off too. I told him he was acting like a baby going to the ER for stupid things. It's b/c he's bored cos his Daddy took away his internet connection at his apartment, so he has nothing to do when he wakes up or can't get to sleep in the middle of the night. It's like, do what I do, and read. He's not allowed to use my computer anymore, even down the shore, because he looked at porn on it, on my aircard! Pissed me off so much. But he thinks he can get mad at me for liking another guy. I've vented much of this frustration to other people, but still... he gets upset, when he's talking to other girls! But see, I don't give a rats ass about that, and I think it bothers him. I tried explaining real heartache to him. Heartache for me is hearing about Justin going out with other girls when we had just broken up a year ago. And then when we started sleeping together again back in November-December and he was talking to that Rachel chick who was 12 years his junior. I told her we were fucking and he got all pissed off at me and told me he wanted to stop seeing me. Him choosing a girl he barely knew over ME who had been there for him for 4 years. That's heartbreak for you. And you can't not want to know what's going on b/w them and you don't want to know at the same time. It makes you cry. I was so upset. But eventually, towards the end of our relationship a month and a half ago I learned how to stop crying over the things Justin does. True, when I talked to him after we had broken up, two weeks later, I threw up I was so upset. I couldn't believe it was over, and my realization that it was over is what made me vomit. He thought I was throwing up b/c he thought I was doing it to lose weight. I said no, i'm upset over you. I loved Justin so much and I hope I can love someone as much as I did with him. I loved him more than Sal. And I didn't think that was possible. If it doesn't work out with this guy, I'm just going to work on myself more. Lose the weight. I'm only going to weigh myself once a month and I'm gonna do that at home and at Curves. Breathe-Sweat-Walk, whatdya say? I'm listening to Pandora again. Weighing myself almost every other day was pissing me off.

Anyways, I've been reading like crazy lately. I finished 2 books I expected to read down the shore in 2 weeks. So I'm taking my time with this next one. It's a sequel to the one I just read. Something Borrowed. This one is called Something Blue. I already like it. Hmph... why can't I be going down the shore this coming week and not later? Oh well. And then I'm going to the Phillies game on the 30th. I can't fucking wait. I hope they're back in their winning streak.

anyways, I'm gonna finish cleaning the apartment and take the trash out... I may watch the notebook later cos I got it on DVD. And I have to get ready for my psych apptment.
-Laura

Insomnia and Danzig

This song always makes me think of my brother and everything that happened and how I just want forgiveness one more time. So I dedicate this song to my brother, Henry Winterbottom...
"Just Stop"
Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life
Step back a moment, and look at the miracle starting in our life
Don't stop the moment, and let the incredible happen knowing that
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
To be the best in the world
Just stop with all of your little deliberate problems with my life
Enough of all the crippling, terrible pain we feel inside
Step back a moment, remember how the miracle started in our life
Take back the torment; I won't be enjoying this moment knowing that
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world
We'll be the best in the world
Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life


I got 0 sleep last night... I tried to sleep for about 2 hours without even dozing off... I took over 25 pills to help me sleep and NOTHING... I see my doctor on the 4th, but who knows what he can even give me for this problem... we've used up all our resources... i think it's time to take some elavil...
Matt has my house keys cos he went to apply at Lowe's. I don't know why he would want to work in front of the Hatfield meat packing place. Everytime I drive past there I cringe. And I really hate seeing the trucks with the pigs on them. I had a ham and cheese sandwich 2 days ago and I thought about it. I don't know if I'm going to be having ham again anytime soon, even though it's so good. I just feel bad for those pigs being shipped off to the slaughterhouse. It makes me really sad and want to cry inside.
Anyways, still listening to my 'Tallica station on Pandora... yeah it rocks... it even played Danzig's most popular song for me "Mother"... I hadn't heard that song in a long long time... I know it's going to be a better day today...
-Laura

Sad but true... i'm not the one who's so far away

It's been a crappy couple of days except for one thing that's been going on, but I don't want to jinx it by saying anything about it.
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura

Woke up

Just woke up a bit ago. Thinking about going back to sleep. I talked to my friend on the phone last night for the 2nd time but I feel so embarassed b/c I was so half asleep when talking to him. I'm gonna text him about it. Otherwise, nothing exciting has been going on. I slept the whole day yesterday. I think I"m finally catching up on sleep. Finally.

I finished my book and I also read the Notebook so I'm gonna start reading "Something Borrowed" now and I'm sure I'll be taking it down the shore to read. The Notebook only took me really a few hours to read b/w 2 days.

Anyways, back to bed for me. Just wanted to post a quick update. =)
-Laura

Blah blah blah and more blah...

Watching Conan, and waiting for my friend to sign on. I hope he does. I would like to talk to him tonight if possible. I hope he signs on. I just ate a salad for dinner. I have some frozen yogurt that I'm gonna eat later. I have decided that in order to finish my book I'm going to read 10 pages a day. It'll take me 8 days cos I have 80 pages left.

I somehow lost a bunch of followers on Twitter but I think it's because I haven't been using it as much as I was. I lost like 50 followers. I don't even know who since I don't look to see who is following me. I need to get back into the hang of posting on Twitter.

So at Curves, I got everything set up. I'm on the smart training program again and I worked out there today. I didn't work out yesterday because I woke up at 6pm and was sore. I could've gone I guess, but I was tired. I was tired today too, and I could have taken an energy supplement but I didn't.

I don't know if Matt reads this or not, but sometimes he's so intense it's hard for me to deal. I don't know why he likes me so much. I think he's just having trouble letting go.

I think I'm gonna start using this blog to log my workouts. Today I worked out at Curves. There's my log for today. I didn't do any extra cardio, but I will next week when I go. And I plan on going to the Y to swim on Sunday, and tomorrow I'll use my treadmill and do floor work.

My friend texted me and said his computer is giving him trouble, so hopefully he'll be on shortly. I like him. *Blush* Yes, I have a crush. Go me!
-Laura
ps- I want to talk about my brother's divorce, but I think I'll leave the ranting and raving about what a bitch Elizabeth Poli is for later.

Curves

So today, after my GI appointment I'm going to return to Curves. As well as work out on my own. But I'm going to be going to a different Curves. I'll be going to the one on 309. The hours for the Curves near me kinda suck, but oh well. It's only a half hour of strength training. And that's what I need right now. My diet seems to not really be working the way I want it to. I need to eat more veggies at night like I was doing before. And watch my intake of carbs. Still, I've made some progress so far.

Anyways, I have been having trouble sleeping. I had to take a second Ativan last night in order to get to sleep. I don't like this having trouble sleeping thing, so I'm thinking of bringing Elavil back into the picture. Just 10 mg's of it. Maybe 20mg's. I'll see what I have left... The Melatonin hasn't been helping. I thought it was at first, but it seems to go off and on with helping me. Some nights I can sleep with it, other nights I can't, so I don't know if I'm gonna continue taking it.

Cool, Pandora radio is playing Alice in Chains.

Anyways, cross your fingers for me. I'm not gonna reveal why, but I think something good may be starting for me. =)

Oh and they're looking into my grade. I'll probably end up with no change. Or kicked out of school or something. Even though I didn't plagiarize. At least I appealed the grade though. I gotta start to work on my paper for the class I'm in now. I'll probably start that tomorrow.

Anyways, time for me to get dressed and stuff for the doctor and then Curves.
-Laura
ps- oh yes! Pandora is playing my new favorite Metallica song: The Day That Never Comes.

Project Transition

Okay, so on the news they're talking about this woman who was in Project Transition and she lived in an apartment that she set on fire. And the tenants there didn't know about PT being there and they are really angry about the situation. First of all, I don't think you should have to announce to the world that you're a psychiatric patient. And second of all, we aren't all criminals. I was told by a lady in my complex not to tell anyone I have bipolar disorder because people will talk. They are already talking about me because they think I'm sleeping with Matt and we're not married. Haha. I'm not sleeping with Matt and don't intend to and I also don't plan on marrying him. But anyways, whose business is it whether or not people are in therapy for various mental illnesses? People are so fucking goddamn ignorant in this world today, it's not even funny. I know a lot of people who are in therapy. I know a lot of people on medication. It's 2009 people. Wake up and smell the psychiatric illness around you. And just because someone has a mental illness does not mean they are "crazy". Just because they are clever and create screennames to talk to people who won't talk to them on their regular names does not mean they are "crazy". It means they are clever enough to have thought of that. There are so many people who are famous geniuses who had bipolar disorder. We don't go around calling them "crazy". So before you judge people, who are also living on the government penny because they cannot work, realize, there are things you don't know about people. You don't know why they don't work. You don't know why they are in therapy. You don't know why this and that happened. Me personally? It's my business. I'm not telling you anything, because it's not your business. It's the people who refuse treatment and want to live in their depression without drugs or therapy who I think are the "crazy" ones. But let's not even use the term "crazy" or "psycho". It's wrong and it's mean. And the people who work at Project Transition should have seen that the woman was a risk, so therefore not have given her her own apartment so soon in her treatment. Someone else had tried to commit suicide and the woman on the news was saying "i'm glad theyre out of here"... why? It's not your fucking business! The ladies in my building, it's not their business either. And I'm at my Mom's house and she is telling me not to put this information out there. Well, I want my opinion to be heard. I don't think Project Transition should have to tell people that psychiatric patients are living there. They're not criminals. And I'm not a criminal. And I never will be.
Peace
-Laura

http://www.projecttransition.com/

and all the shadows filled up with doubt

So my academic advisor emailed me back and I appealed the grade. I sent an official appeal form into Ashford's appeal place. So I assume I'll hear back soon.

I've been watching BH 90210 like crazy the past few days. I'm on season 7 and I'm just about halfway through. Or maybe I am halfway through. A friend of mine said that me watching the show is kinda like I'm trying to relive my past or something. That could be true, b/c my life was horrible when the show was on originally. I so badly wanted to be one of them, or someone else just for a day. One of the "popular" girls at St. Helena's. God, I hate that place. Whenever I'm in the school, which hasn't been recent, I feel an honest sense of hatred. And the principal was so nice to me when I would see her at Curves. It's like, you hated me. She hated my brother too. I could tell she was so disappointed when I got May Queen. It was like, anybody else but me would have been better. Oh well. I still remember these things. I remember her face and how she looked at me and everything. And how crestfallen the rest of the girls were and how I didn't even want to be May Queen. Yet, I got it. There was a reason I got it. Still not sure what the reason was, but there was a reason. I don't even know who crowned Mary at our ceremony senior year of high school. LoL. Senior year I was like incognito. I never went to school. I should have gotten in trouble for truancy, but I went to a private school. I guess they don't really care about it at private schools, although my grades sucked and all the teachers commented "absences interfere with performance." It's like, yeah duh. But I hated going to school. I think online high school should be invented. I mean we have online college. Hell, I go to online college. And to those of you who think it's a joke, it's not, you actually have to DO the work, you can't just get away with going to class and not reading. And the papers can be difficult. And you could end up dealing with this program Safe Assign like I did and have teachers who seem to not read your paper, but judge it on plagiarism, when you haven't even plagiarized! That program doesn't even look for quotations or something. It's ridiculous. I want to get it for myself. I'll see if I can download it.

Anyways, this past weekend the Phillies won all their games against the Pirates. My Dad got to go to the Saturday night game and I'm going to the day game on August 30th. I'm excited. I'm really excited to to be going to the shore soon. It's practically only a month away. I'm going for 5 days.

I haven't been sleeping too well lately, but I've been trying different positions, and I have been taking 3 melatonin. 15 mgs total. I don't think you're supposed to do that, but I've been doing it anyways. Means the bottle is going to go quicker than it should, but that's alright. I need like a big bottle of it. I have the theme song from True Blood in my head. It's such a great tune. I can't wait till I can own Season 1. Hopefully soon. I wanna do bad things with you... =)
-Laura

Frustration...

I am so frustrated right now and just want to say a big fuck you to my "teacher" and "teaching assistant" although they didn't teach me anything except for how much they suck and how I shouldn't try so hard.
So I told you last week how they said I plagiarized the rough draft. Well, I did, I guess... but I said it wasn't in my own words yet. So I get my final paper back that WAS in my own words except for a few words here and there like so, the, what, etc. and they said it was 78% plagiarized. So they gave me 8/20 points on the assignment. Which left me with a C for the course. I'm pretty fucking pissed off right now. I am going to complain to my academic advisor about it. She won't read it until Monday though probably. I should probably wait until I cool down a bit about it before I email her. Or maybe I should email her now and tell her what's going on. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

So I wrote to my Academic Advisor. We'll see what happens, if anything. Or if she decides to kick me out of school for writing in my own fucking words.
-laura

I'm bored

I'm bored, so I figured I'd update this.
Yesterday I got my treadmill and I worked out on it. I'll work out on it again tomorrow. Today I did upper body via a video I have.
I have late night on but it's a rerun. Oh well. Yesterday I cooked a turkey breast for the first time on my own and it turned out good and yummy. My pan is a bit messed up, but oh well. I cleaned it as best as I can.
Anyways, met a new guy. I think things may work out with him. He's not weird like the other guy I met and had a date with at Starbucks who was trying to get into my pants so badly.
I visited Nicole yesterday and watched a horrible movie called 2001 Maniacs that was just disgusting. Then we watched Paris Hilton's my new BFF. Which was totally silly.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna get a shower and get ready for bed. I couldn't sleep last night, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. Insomnia... it sucks.
-laura

The Red

Lalala. Today I had therapy and then I went grocery shopping and spent a lot more money than I wanted to. Every time I go at the beginning of the month it seems I spend more and more. This time it was $40 more than I wanted to spend. Now I only have $60 left over to keep me going through the month. It is the 6th, but still.

So I worked out when I got up today and then taking all the groceries up the stairs I was drenched in sweat and was out of breath it really was a workout in itself. Shit, I didn't do my upper body exercises. Maybe I will in a little bit.

So I wrote the other day about Nicole being happy with Jake. Well, they broke up. It seems everyone breaks up eventually. No matter how in love they are. I talked to Justin yesterday and was planning on seeing him on Wednesday, but now I'm not going to because my therapist said I shouldn't start all this over again. She also had some insight into the Trevor and his psycho cunt friend. Porn star is all I gotta say. And angry. I didn't know girls could have that much testosterone in their systems to be so angry and belligerent. Oh and she's ugly too. She has a picture of herself on her IM of you looking down at her tits *which weren't exactly big in that pushup bra* in a black bra. And she looks like a librarian with her face. I think she was trying to be sexy but failed miserably.

Anyone wanna comment on what kind of father leaves his children behind to pursue a career as a DJ for a band? A band that produces porn nonetheless. States away... Bad right? That's what I thought.

Anyways, I'm so glad to be done with this class that I handed in the final paper to tonight. Up next is social psychology. Yay! Looks like it's gonna be interesting. Then I think I have Stat. Not looking forward to that at all. =P

I'm pretty sure the Phils won tonight from Andrew's text saying they were leading it 12-1 at the 4th. I'm gonna watch the game at my parent's house tomorrow night and do homework.
Well that's all I really have for now.
-Laura

When You're Gone... literally...

Tonight was interesting. Besides the fact that Kayte Schafle and I were exchanging insults back and forth most of the night I had a good time. We ended up going to see fireworks in Skippack *it took an hour to get out of the field we were parked in* b/c Bensalem was just too far... and I didn't feel like going to a casino to see fireworks. Besides, these fireworks were really good anyways. Better than Pottstown and probably the shore's. I liked them, but some of them were falling on us. The ashes from them that is. That kinda sucked.

Anyways, Matt is out like a light on my living room floor. I don't want to disturb him. Kayte was saying all kinds of mean things about him too and he doesn't deserve it. Granted I wish he didn't tell her some of the things he did that was personal about me and him. But he can be a blabbermouth.

Everyone is worried about me going back to Justin. I hate that. People think we're not good for each other. I love him and miss him very much. It'll be 3 weeks Monday since we broke up. I know my therapist is going to want to talk about it. Shit, she also assigned homework to me which I haven't kept up with. I'm just gonna be straight up with her and tell her I didn't do it. That I did it the last few days because I remembered but that I wasn't thinking about it. Cos I wasn't. I can remember back a week though. I know I was feeling awful on Monday. I was super anxious.

I'm trying to get to a low dose of neurontin. So I've been taking Melatonin and it seems to be working. I don't know what else to say except that I can't believe the fourth of July is already over. I wish I could tell someone who also shared this as a favorite holiday happy 4th of july but he doesn't want to hear from me. It still bothers me that our arguing got to him so much. But I understand he is really stressed out and doesn't need any more than he already has. But we did have a lot in common. He just didn't want to see it that way. I guess different backgrounds really play a part. I wish he had all the spoilings I had when I was growing up. But not to the point of some of the chicks I went to high school with. If you compared me to them, and Blue Bell and it's surrounding areas itself you can find that I wasn't really spoiled at all. Just loved. I wish he had more love in his life, but at least his son gives him that. I think he and Heather would be a perfect couple. Too bad they live so far apart. Both single and in love with their children. They truly cherish every moment with their kids. I wonder if I would be the same way? I want a little girl, but I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant now. Maybe when I'm like 30-35. That's something that probably never would have happened with Justin. Me having kids. Besides, he claims he'd be a horrible father. I think he'd man up to the job actually. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road he has some new hot gf and gets married and has a few kids with her. I also won't be surprised if he starts drinking again. Once he gets back to Bill's I really won't be surprised. Which reminds me, I think it's wrong of Bill to demand rent from Justin while he's living at his parent's. He was so quick to brag to me how he could afford the place on his own and didn't need Justin. Everyone needs a little bit of Justin. My heart aches.
I know this is cheesy, but this song got in my head now:
When You're Gone lyrics
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

If you know who that is by, then good for you. But I'm not revealing it on my page so =P .
I know Matt likes me and stuff, but until things change with him, I don't know. He tried to kiss me tonight, but I backed away. And yes I want a FWB right now. I want what I had with Rich. Just good old sex. Even though I was crazy about him at the time, I'll always look back on the summer of 2004 as a time I had fun. Even if he and Nicole did go behind my back. Grrrr. Oh well. She's with Jake now. Happy I hope. And he's with some other chick in Tennessee? Somewhere in the South. Not to sound jealous or anything, but his gf really looks like poor white trash.

Anyways, I'm gonna wash my face and get into my PJ's. I'm not gonna go to the YMCA and swim tomorrow unless I wake up early. I think I'm just gonna do this video I got in the mail. Do they actually think I'm gonna pay for them? Seriously, 21 days free trial. They send me a new offer for more DVD's constantly. And I keep having them send stuff to me. I'm not afraid of collection agencies b/c I have no credit. And besides, I'll use one of the excuses in Shopaholic to get out of it. LoL. Whatever.
-Laura

Fourth of July!!!

Happy fourth of July! It's my favorite holiday. I'm going to Philadelphia Park tonight to see fireworks with Matt and some other people. Should be a good time. =) Yay! I'm gonna see GOOD fireworks, not shitty ones like the ones in Pottstown that were never ending. Oh god that sucked.

Last night I went out with my friend Karen to a bar called Harrigans. It was cool, but I had her take me back to my car at 1am cos I wanted to go back to my apartment to get my plug to my phone cos I ran out of battery while texting and stuff at the bar. I also went on Twitter and IM. Some dude was talking to us and he was like wondering why I was more interested in talking on my cell phone through texts than paying attention to him. He was married. He was really talking up my friend and stuff and he had on a wedding ring. I wouldn't want my husband talking up some other chick at a bar.

Lala. I think I'm gonna take a nap quick before I start packing up my shit that's here and get going, cos Matt is coming over at 4pm. I'll sleep till 2 or 3 I guess and then I'll get going. Gotta feed the cats and empty the litterbox first though.

Happy Fourth of July!
xoxo
-laura
ps- I got my teacher to give me 2 points for my work on my rough draft. Yay! At least it's something and not 0. Thank god.

Living Dead Girl

So, I looked at my grades online and for the rough draft of the final paper I got 0 points and was like wtf? So I emailed my teacher and my teaching assistant about it. But the TA said that he couldn't give me credit because it wasn't in my own words yet. I said that the paper wasn't yet in my own words when I submitted it. Yet, I got a Good job! Excellent! On like the whole thing except it wasn't in my own words. So I resubmitted a paper. I sent in my rough draft that is in my own words. I'm hoping to get some form of credit for this. I have A's in all of my courses, and I want an A in this course. Especially since everything else was perfect. I don't think I should have to get a grade below my level because of something I just didn't have time to do. I can't wait for next week and for my next course to start. Social Psychology.

Matt is here and I'm gonna make some smoothies. Strawberry Kiwi smoothies.

Phils lost, so I won the bet I made with Matt. I get $5. =) But that doesn't help with the fact that I'm pissed off about my teachers.

So many fucking people tell me that I'm such a good writer and that I should consider doing it for a living, yet when I submit things for school and stuff I get bad grades. Granted I've done great on my papers in my other courses at THIS school, at Widener I never did. I had such a hard time making my teachers happy. And people comment and say I was born to write and that things I write are powerful, yet my heart just isn't in it anymore. Unless I'm feeling really heated about something. And here I am writing this blog. "Getting back back on track, get off of my back bitch"...

Anyways, I'm going to a huge fireworks display on Saturday in Bensalem with Matt and a few other friends. Should be a good time. Tomorrow if I don't hang out with Bryan I'm going to finish my paper and tweek it and perfect it and the citations. And then be done with that class. I'll turn it in on Monday. I have to write a paper in the first week of this next course.

I'm listening to Pandora radio. I like it. I put in Godsmack and it's playing all different kinds of stuff I like. Currently it's on Living Dead Girl. What're you thinking about? After this is over I'll put the news on.
-Laura

I just got back from the doctor and shit, I forgot the name of the medication they want me to go on. Oh well, when I take the trash out i'll look at the paper. See I need it in generic so that my insurance will cover it.

Anyways, I hate it when people use my computer without asking me and when I'm asleep and wake me up. It's wrong. I don't go around using other people's computers except for my Dad's and I ask him because it's usually so I can print something. Not so I can knock someone off their facebook account and twitter account when I never even cared about twitter before. Jesus, it irks me. And I know this is going to get read and feelings are going to be hurt or what not, but I'm tired of it.

Anyways, I'm hoping tonight or tomorrow night or day whatever to be hanging out with Bryan. He's a good friend to me and always understanding. It's just the drive to University City I'm worried about. I'll make it there though.

My date last night was interesting, but I have to see how things go. I think this guy already wants to make me his gf. We had stuff in common and everything but he seemed a little bit awkward. But he was cute nonetheless.

"When you came in, the air went out, and all the shadows filled up with doubt... I don't know who you think you are, but before we're through, I wanna do bad things with you..."- True Blood theme song.

Wish I could catch up on Season 2 right now. I'm going to my parent's for a few days to take care of the cats and stuff. Maybe I'll update this later, maybe.
-Laura

Blah.

Went on a date tonight to Starbucks. The guy seems really into me. He's cute too, but he was very insistent on coming over tonight and I don't know why which kind of weirded me out.
Today was a boring day. I worked out and then watched the news and made a doctor's apptment to get my toenail looked at so I can get on antibiotics so the foot doctor can cut the toenail out.

I hope this guy works out. He was really cute, but just a bit insistent. And you never know with meeting people on the internet what's going to happen.

Plans for the 4th are still in place. Still going with Matt probably to Skippack Village to see fireworks. Just have to get more details about it first.

Made some pasta and chicken for dinner. Haven't eaten all of it yet. Just kinda full. I still haven't figured out Adsense but they called me earlier today to set up things so maybe that will help. I have "I shot john lennon" by the cranberries in my head. It's a stupid song, wish it would go away. Oh well.
-Laura
ps- the Phils lost again... what happened to the magic? I miss the old Phillies. It seems it's hit or miss with them. I'm just glad I didn't have to see it.