It's been a crappy couple of days except for one thing that's been going on, but I don't want to jinx it by saying anything about it.
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura
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