A thought...

What if someone came into your life and promised you the world and gave you everything? Then took it away...all away in a matter of moments? Would you forgive them? Would you be devastated? Of course you would... it's ingrained in human nature to fuck up... but why must we take down others? Others we claimed to care about? Because there's no such thing as caring... there's no such thing as love... there's no such thing as counting on someone... everything is just a stage... so you can dance and act like its all so peachy fucking keen... nothing exists...you don't exist...I don't exist... you are a blurb. A figment of others imaginations. And when they don't want you there anymore? Poof. You are gone...

I dont love you, you dont love me, but i can imagine...

So I am all sorts of fucked up about matt right now...he is in jail for child pornography... I never knew he was into that and I can't believe he would be that stupid as to lose everything... fuck you Matt... but that's not all... it has ruined something else for me that has been fucking with my head too... I don't get it...I am so lost and confused about everything and everyone right now... I can't trust anyone or anything or even myself because I always tend to make the wrong decision... but I talked to my friend tonight and poured my heart out with the help of some happy pills and he reminded me that he told me a month ago to stay away from this guy but it is so hard...his eyes...look in my eyes... you're killing me killing me...and ohmigod is it good with him...but its over just as everything else that was going good is over... he will go back to chasing his ex...and I am moving on...besides I knee nothing would come of it cos it really couldn't and also I said in the beginning that I would never want to put him thru the torture of being with me... goodbye matt... I'll miss u and I am having nightmares about what they will do to u in jail...you're fucked... I loved u...u loved me...I didn't imagine... dunzo... so sad...