Insomnia and Danzig

This song always makes me think of my brother and everything that happened and how I just want forgiveness one more time. So I dedicate this song to my brother, Henry Winterbottom...
"Just Stop"
Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life
Step back a moment, and look at the miracle starting in our life
Don't stop the moment, and let the incredible happen knowing that
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
To be the best in the world
Just stop with all of your little deliberate problems with my life
Enough of all the crippling, terrible pain we feel inside
Step back a moment, remember how the miracle started in our life
Take back the torment; I won't be enjoying this moment knowing that
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in
All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world
We'll be the best in the world
Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life


I got 0 sleep last night... I tried to sleep for about 2 hours without even dozing off... I took over 25 pills to help me sleep and NOTHING... I see my doctor on the 4th, but who knows what he can even give me for this problem... we've used up all our resources... i think it's time to take some elavil...
Matt has my house keys cos he went to apply at Lowe's. I don't know why he would want to work in front of the Hatfield meat packing place. Everytime I drive past there I cringe. And I really hate seeing the trucks with the pigs on them. I had a ham and cheese sandwich 2 days ago and I thought about it. I don't know if I'm going to be having ham again anytime soon, even though it's so good. I just feel bad for those pigs being shipped off to the slaughterhouse. It makes me really sad and want to cry inside.
Anyways, still listening to my 'Tallica station on Pandora... yeah it rocks... it even played Danzig's most popular song for me "Mother"... I hadn't heard that song in a long long time... I know it's going to be a better day today...
-Laura

Sad but true... i'm not the one who's so far away

It's been a crappy couple of days except for one thing that's been going on, but I don't want to jinx it by saying anything about it.
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura

Woke up

Just woke up a bit ago. Thinking about going back to sleep. I talked to my friend on the phone last night for the 2nd time but I feel so embarassed b/c I was so half asleep when talking to him. I'm gonna text him about it. Otherwise, nothing exciting has been going on. I slept the whole day yesterday. I think I"m finally catching up on sleep. Finally.

I finished my book and I also read the Notebook so I'm gonna start reading "Something Borrowed" now and I'm sure I'll be taking it down the shore to read. The Notebook only took me really a few hours to read b/w 2 days.

Anyways, back to bed for me. Just wanted to post a quick update. =)
-Laura

Blah blah blah and more blah...

Watching Conan, and waiting for my friend to sign on. I hope he does. I would like to talk to him tonight if possible. I hope he signs on. I just ate a salad for dinner. I have some frozen yogurt that I'm gonna eat later. I have decided that in order to finish my book I'm going to read 10 pages a day. It'll take me 8 days cos I have 80 pages left.

I somehow lost a bunch of followers on Twitter but I think it's because I haven't been using it as much as I was. I lost like 50 followers. I don't even know who since I don't look to see who is following me. I need to get back into the hang of posting on Twitter.

So at Curves, I got everything set up. I'm on the smart training program again and I worked out there today. I didn't work out yesterday because I woke up at 6pm and was sore. I could've gone I guess, but I was tired. I was tired today too, and I could have taken an energy supplement but I didn't.

I don't know if Matt reads this or not, but sometimes he's so intense it's hard for me to deal. I don't know why he likes me so much. I think he's just having trouble letting go.

I think I'm gonna start using this blog to log my workouts. Today I worked out at Curves. There's my log for today. I didn't do any extra cardio, but I will next week when I go. And I plan on going to the Y to swim on Sunday, and tomorrow I'll use my treadmill and do floor work.

My friend texted me and said his computer is giving him trouble, so hopefully he'll be on shortly. I like him. *Blush* Yes, I have a crush. Go me!
-Laura
ps- I want to talk about my brother's divorce, but I think I'll leave the ranting and raving about what a bitch Elizabeth Poli is for later.

Curves

So today, after my GI appointment I'm going to return to Curves. As well as work out on my own. But I'm going to be going to a different Curves. I'll be going to the one on 309. The hours for the Curves near me kinda suck, but oh well. It's only a half hour of strength training. And that's what I need right now. My diet seems to not really be working the way I want it to. I need to eat more veggies at night like I was doing before. And watch my intake of carbs. Still, I've made some progress so far.

Anyways, I have been having trouble sleeping. I had to take a second Ativan last night in order to get to sleep. I don't like this having trouble sleeping thing, so I'm thinking of bringing Elavil back into the picture. Just 10 mg's of it. Maybe 20mg's. I'll see what I have left... The Melatonin hasn't been helping. I thought it was at first, but it seems to go off and on with helping me. Some nights I can sleep with it, other nights I can't, so I don't know if I'm gonna continue taking it.

Cool, Pandora radio is playing Alice in Chains.

Anyways, cross your fingers for me. I'm not gonna reveal why, but I think something good may be starting for me. =)

Oh and they're looking into my grade. I'll probably end up with no change. Or kicked out of school or something. Even though I didn't plagiarize. At least I appealed the grade though. I gotta start to work on my paper for the class I'm in now. I'll probably start that tomorrow.

Anyways, time for me to get dressed and stuff for the doctor and then Curves.
-Laura
ps- oh yes! Pandora is playing my new favorite Metallica song: The Day That Never Comes.

Project Transition

Okay, so on the news they're talking about this woman who was in Project Transition and she lived in an apartment that she set on fire. And the tenants there didn't know about PT being there and they are really angry about the situation. First of all, I don't think you should have to announce to the world that you're a psychiatric patient. And second of all, we aren't all criminals. I was told by a lady in my complex not to tell anyone I have bipolar disorder because people will talk. They are already talking about me because they think I'm sleeping with Matt and we're not married. Haha. I'm not sleeping with Matt and don't intend to and I also don't plan on marrying him. But anyways, whose business is it whether or not people are in therapy for various mental illnesses? People are so fucking goddamn ignorant in this world today, it's not even funny. I know a lot of people who are in therapy. I know a lot of people on medication. It's 2009 people. Wake up and smell the psychiatric illness around you. And just because someone has a mental illness does not mean they are "crazy". Just because they are clever and create screennames to talk to people who won't talk to them on their regular names does not mean they are "crazy". It means they are clever enough to have thought of that. There are so many people who are famous geniuses who had bipolar disorder. We don't go around calling them "crazy". So before you judge people, who are also living on the government penny because they cannot work, realize, there are things you don't know about people. You don't know why they don't work. You don't know why they are in therapy. You don't know why this and that happened. Me personally? It's my business. I'm not telling you anything, because it's not your business. It's the people who refuse treatment and want to live in their depression without drugs or therapy who I think are the "crazy" ones. But let's not even use the term "crazy" or "psycho". It's wrong and it's mean. And the people who work at Project Transition should have seen that the woman was a risk, so therefore not have given her her own apartment so soon in her treatment. Someone else had tried to commit suicide and the woman on the news was saying "i'm glad theyre out of here"... why? It's not your fucking business! The ladies in my building, it's not their business either. And I'm at my Mom's house and she is telling me not to put this information out there. Well, I want my opinion to be heard. I don't think Project Transition should have to tell people that psychiatric patients are living there. They're not criminals. And I'm not a criminal. And I never will be.
Peace
-Laura

http://www.projecttransition.com/

and all the shadows filled up with doubt

So my academic advisor emailed me back and I appealed the grade. I sent an official appeal form into Ashford's appeal place. So I assume I'll hear back soon.

I've been watching BH 90210 like crazy the past few days. I'm on season 7 and I'm just about halfway through. Or maybe I am halfway through. A friend of mine said that me watching the show is kinda like I'm trying to relive my past or something. That could be true, b/c my life was horrible when the show was on originally. I so badly wanted to be one of them, or someone else just for a day. One of the "popular" girls at St. Helena's. God, I hate that place. Whenever I'm in the school, which hasn't been recent, I feel an honest sense of hatred. And the principal was so nice to me when I would see her at Curves. It's like, you hated me. She hated my brother too. I could tell she was so disappointed when I got May Queen. It was like, anybody else but me would have been better. Oh well. I still remember these things. I remember her face and how she looked at me and everything. And how crestfallen the rest of the girls were and how I didn't even want to be May Queen. Yet, I got it. There was a reason I got it. Still not sure what the reason was, but there was a reason. I don't even know who crowned Mary at our ceremony senior year of high school. LoL. Senior year I was like incognito. I never went to school. I should have gotten in trouble for truancy, but I went to a private school. I guess they don't really care about it at private schools, although my grades sucked and all the teachers commented "absences interfere with performance." It's like, yeah duh. But I hated going to school. I think online high school should be invented. I mean we have online college. Hell, I go to online college. And to those of you who think it's a joke, it's not, you actually have to DO the work, you can't just get away with going to class and not reading. And the papers can be difficult. And you could end up dealing with this program Safe Assign like I did and have teachers who seem to not read your paper, but judge it on plagiarism, when you haven't even plagiarized! That program doesn't even look for quotations or something. It's ridiculous. I want to get it for myself. I'll see if I can download it.

Anyways, this past weekend the Phillies won all their games against the Pirates. My Dad got to go to the Saturday night game and I'm going to the day game on August 30th. I'm excited. I'm really excited to to be going to the shore soon. It's practically only a month away. I'm going for 5 days.

I haven't been sleeping too well lately, but I've been trying different positions, and I have been taking 3 melatonin. 15 mgs total. I don't think you're supposed to do that, but I've been doing it anyways. Means the bottle is going to go quicker than it should, but that's alright. I need like a big bottle of it. I have the theme song from True Blood in my head. It's such a great tune. I can't wait till I can own Season 1. Hopefully soon. I wanna do bad things with you... =)
-Laura

Frustration...

I am so frustrated right now and just want to say a big fuck you to my "teacher" and "teaching assistant" although they didn't teach me anything except for how much they suck and how I shouldn't try so hard.
So I told you last week how they said I plagiarized the rough draft. Well, I did, I guess... but I said it wasn't in my own words yet. So I get my final paper back that WAS in my own words except for a few words here and there like so, the, what, etc. and they said it was 78% plagiarized. So they gave me 8/20 points on the assignment. Which left me with a C for the course. I'm pretty fucking pissed off right now. I am going to complain to my academic advisor about it. She won't read it until Monday though probably. I should probably wait until I cool down a bit about it before I email her. Or maybe I should email her now and tell her what's going on. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

So I wrote to my Academic Advisor. We'll see what happens, if anything. Or if she decides to kick me out of school for writing in my own fucking words.
-laura

I'm bored

I'm bored, so I figured I'd update this.
Yesterday I got my treadmill and I worked out on it. I'll work out on it again tomorrow. Today I did upper body via a video I have.
I have late night on but it's a rerun. Oh well. Yesterday I cooked a turkey breast for the first time on my own and it turned out good and yummy. My pan is a bit messed up, but oh well. I cleaned it as best as I can.
Anyways, met a new guy. I think things may work out with him. He's not weird like the other guy I met and had a date with at Starbucks who was trying to get into my pants so badly.
I visited Nicole yesterday and watched a horrible movie called 2001 Maniacs that was just disgusting. Then we watched Paris Hilton's my new BFF. Which was totally silly.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna get a shower and get ready for bed. I couldn't sleep last night, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. Insomnia... it sucks.
-laura

The Red

Lalala. Today I had therapy and then I went grocery shopping and spent a lot more money than I wanted to. Every time I go at the beginning of the month it seems I spend more and more. This time it was $40 more than I wanted to spend. Now I only have $60 left over to keep me going through the month. It is the 6th, but still.

So I worked out when I got up today and then taking all the groceries up the stairs I was drenched in sweat and was out of breath it really was a workout in itself. Shit, I didn't do my upper body exercises. Maybe I will in a little bit.

So I wrote the other day about Nicole being happy with Jake. Well, they broke up. It seems everyone breaks up eventually. No matter how in love they are. I talked to Justin yesterday and was planning on seeing him on Wednesday, but now I'm not going to because my therapist said I shouldn't start all this over again. She also had some insight into the Trevor and his psycho cunt friend. Porn star is all I gotta say. And angry. I didn't know girls could have that much testosterone in their systems to be so angry and belligerent. Oh and she's ugly too. She has a picture of herself on her IM of you looking down at her tits *which weren't exactly big in that pushup bra* in a black bra. And she looks like a librarian with her face. I think she was trying to be sexy but failed miserably.

Anyone wanna comment on what kind of father leaves his children behind to pursue a career as a DJ for a band? A band that produces porn nonetheless. States away... Bad right? That's what I thought.

Anyways, I'm so glad to be done with this class that I handed in the final paper to tonight. Up next is social psychology. Yay! Looks like it's gonna be interesting. Then I think I have Stat. Not looking forward to that at all. =P

I'm pretty sure the Phils won tonight from Andrew's text saying they were leading it 12-1 at the 4th. I'm gonna watch the game at my parent's house tomorrow night and do homework.
Well that's all I really have for now.
-Laura

When You're Gone... literally...

Tonight was interesting. Besides the fact that Kayte Schafle and I were exchanging insults back and forth most of the night I had a good time. We ended up going to see fireworks in Skippack *it took an hour to get out of the field we were parked in* b/c Bensalem was just too far... and I didn't feel like going to a casino to see fireworks. Besides, these fireworks were really good anyways. Better than Pottstown and probably the shore's. I liked them, but some of them were falling on us. The ashes from them that is. That kinda sucked.

Anyways, Matt is out like a light on my living room floor. I don't want to disturb him. Kayte was saying all kinds of mean things about him too and he doesn't deserve it. Granted I wish he didn't tell her some of the things he did that was personal about me and him. But he can be a blabbermouth.

Everyone is worried about me going back to Justin. I hate that. People think we're not good for each other. I love him and miss him very much. It'll be 3 weeks Monday since we broke up. I know my therapist is going to want to talk about it. Shit, she also assigned homework to me which I haven't kept up with. I'm just gonna be straight up with her and tell her I didn't do it. That I did it the last few days because I remembered but that I wasn't thinking about it. Cos I wasn't. I can remember back a week though. I know I was feeling awful on Monday. I was super anxious.

I'm trying to get to a low dose of neurontin. So I've been taking Melatonin and it seems to be working. I don't know what else to say except that I can't believe the fourth of July is already over. I wish I could tell someone who also shared this as a favorite holiday happy 4th of july but he doesn't want to hear from me. It still bothers me that our arguing got to him so much. But I understand he is really stressed out and doesn't need any more than he already has. But we did have a lot in common. He just didn't want to see it that way. I guess different backgrounds really play a part. I wish he had all the spoilings I had when I was growing up. But not to the point of some of the chicks I went to high school with. If you compared me to them, and Blue Bell and it's surrounding areas itself you can find that I wasn't really spoiled at all. Just loved. I wish he had more love in his life, but at least his son gives him that. I think he and Heather would be a perfect couple. Too bad they live so far apart. Both single and in love with their children. They truly cherish every moment with their kids. I wonder if I would be the same way? I want a little girl, but I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant now. Maybe when I'm like 30-35. That's something that probably never would have happened with Justin. Me having kids. Besides, he claims he'd be a horrible father. I think he'd man up to the job actually. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road he has some new hot gf and gets married and has a few kids with her. I also won't be surprised if he starts drinking again. Once he gets back to Bill's I really won't be surprised. Which reminds me, I think it's wrong of Bill to demand rent from Justin while he's living at his parent's. He was so quick to brag to me how he could afford the place on his own and didn't need Justin. Everyone needs a little bit of Justin. My heart aches.
I know this is cheesy, but this song got in my head now:
When You're Gone lyrics
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

If you know who that is by, then good for you. But I'm not revealing it on my page so =P .
I know Matt likes me and stuff, but until things change with him, I don't know. He tried to kiss me tonight, but I backed away. And yes I want a FWB right now. I want what I had with Rich. Just good old sex. Even though I was crazy about him at the time, I'll always look back on the summer of 2004 as a time I had fun. Even if he and Nicole did go behind my back. Grrrr. Oh well. She's with Jake now. Happy I hope. And he's with some other chick in Tennessee? Somewhere in the South. Not to sound jealous or anything, but his gf really looks like poor white trash.

Anyways, I'm gonna wash my face and get into my PJ's. I'm not gonna go to the YMCA and swim tomorrow unless I wake up early. I think I'm just gonna do this video I got in the mail. Do they actually think I'm gonna pay for them? Seriously, 21 days free trial. They send me a new offer for more DVD's constantly. And I keep having them send stuff to me. I'm not afraid of collection agencies b/c I have no credit. And besides, I'll use one of the excuses in Shopaholic to get out of it. LoL. Whatever.
-Laura

Fourth of July!!!

Happy fourth of July! It's my favorite holiday. I'm going to Philadelphia Park tonight to see fireworks with Matt and some other people. Should be a good time. =) Yay! I'm gonna see GOOD fireworks, not shitty ones like the ones in Pottstown that were never ending. Oh god that sucked.

Last night I went out with my friend Karen to a bar called Harrigans. It was cool, but I had her take me back to my car at 1am cos I wanted to go back to my apartment to get my plug to my phone cos I ran out of battery while texting and stuff at the bar. I also went on Twitter and IM. Some dude was talking to us and he was like wondering why I was more interested in talking on my cell phone through texts than paying attention to him. He was married. He was really talking up my friend and stuff and he had on a wedding ring. I wouldn't want my husband talking up some other chick at a bar.

Lala. I think I'm gonna take a nap quick before I start packing up my shit that's here and get going, cos Matt is coming over at 4pm. I'll sleep till 2 or 3 I guess and then I'll get going. Gotta feed the cats and empty the litterbox first though.

Happy Fourth of July!
xoxo
-laura
ps- I got my teacher to give me 2 points for my work on my rough draft. Yay! At least it's something and not 0. Thank god.

Living Dead Girl

So, I looked at my grades online and for the rough draft of the final paper I got 0 points and was like wtf? So I emailed my teacher and my teaching assistant about it. But the TA said that he couldn't give me credit because it wasn't in my own words yet. I said that the paper wasn't yet in my own words when I submitted it. Yet, I got a Good job! Excellent! On like the whole thing except it wasn't in my own words. So I resubmitted a paper. I sent in my rough draft that is in my own words. I'm hoping to get some form of credit for this. I have A's in all of my courses, and I want an A in this course. Especially since everything else was perfect. I don't think I should have to get a grade below my level because of something I just didn't have time to do. I can't wait for next week and for my next course to start. Social Psychology.

Matt is here and I'm gonna make some smoothies. Strawberry Kiwi smoothies.

Phils lost, so I won the bet I made with Matt. I get $5. =) But that doesn't help with the fact that I'm pissed off about my teachers.

So many fucking people tell me that I'm such a good writer and that I should consider doing it for a living, yet when I submit things for school and stuff I get bad grades. Granted I've done great on my papers in my other courses at THIS school, at Widener I never did. I had such a hard time making my teachers happy. And people comment and say I was born to write and that things I write are powerful, yet my heart just isn't in it anymore. Unless I'm feeling really heated about something. And here I am writing this blog. "Getting back back on track, get off of my back bitch"...

Anyways, I'm going to a huge fireworks display on Saturday in Bensalem with Matt and a few other friends. Should be a good time. Tomorrow if I don't hang out with Bryan I'm going to finish my paper and tweek it and perfect it and the citations. And then be done with that class. I'll turn it in on Monday. I have to write a paper in the first week of this next course.

I'm listening to Pandora radio. I like it. I put in Godsmack and it's playing all different kinds of stuff I like. Currently it's on Living Dead Girl. What're you thinking about? After this is over I'll put the news on.
-Laura

I just got back from the doctor and shit, I forgot the name of the medication they want me to go on. Oh well, when I take the trash out i'll look at the paper. See I need it in generic so that my insurance will cover it.

Anyways, I hate it when people use my computer without asking me and when I'm asleep and wake me up. It's wrong. I don't go around using other people's computers except for my Dad's and I ask him because it's usually so I can print something. Not so I can knock someone off their facebook account and twitter account when I never even cared about twitter before. Jesus, it irks me. And I know this is going to get read and feelings are going to be hurt or what not, but I'm tired of it.

Anyways, I'm hoping tonight or tomorrow night or day whatever to be hanging out with Bryan. He's a good friend to me and always understanding. It's just the drive to University City I'm worried about. I'll make it there though.

My date last night was interesting, but I have to see how things go. I think this guy already wants to make me his gf. We had stuff in common and everything but he seemed a little bit awkward. But he was cute nonetheless.

"When you came in, the air went out, and all the shadows filled up with doubt... I don't know who you think you are, but before we're through, I wanna do bad things with you..."- True Blood theme song.

Wish I could catch up on Season 2 right now. I'm going to my parent's for a few days to take care of the cats and stuff. Maybe I'll update this later, maybe.
-Laura

Blah.

Went on a date tonight to Starbucks. The guy seems really into me. He's cute too, but he was very insistent on coming over tonight and I don't know why which kind of weirded me out.
Today was a boring day. I worked out and then watched the news and made a doctor's apptment to get my toenail looked at so I can get on antibiotics so the foot doctor can cut the toenail out.

I hope this guy works out. He was really cute, but just a bit insistent. And you never know with meeting people on the internet what's going to happen.

Plans for the 4th are still in place. Still going with Matt probably to Skippack Village to see fireworks. Just have to get more details about it first.

Made some pasta and chicken for dinner. Haven't eaten all of it yet. Just kinda full. I still haven't figured out Adsense but they called me earlier today to set up things so maybe that will help. I have "I shot john lennon" by the cranberries in my head. It's a stupid song, wish it would go away. Oh well.
-Laura
ps- the Phils lost again... what happened to the magic? I miss the old Phillies. It seems it's hit or miss with them. I'm just glad I didn't have to see it.

Teardrop on the fire... fearless on my breath

So I woke up today and didn't feel like getting out of bed. So I layed there quietly. Then Google called and I let them use my Dad's credit card for something I don't want them to do. So I have to get out of it once I get the package in the mail. I'll have to call some number to cancel it. Should be fun! Yeah right. I still don't understand the Adsense program thing and how I'm going to make money but I pasted the code on my page. It didn't generate any ads though. So I don't know what's going on.

Of course I woke up thinking about Justin. I miss him. =( But some things just weren't meant to be, especially with how sick he is.

Anyways, I have an ingrown toenail and it really hurts. I have an apptment to get it looked at on July 8. That's eight days away! I need to get a referral and get on some antibiotics too. I'm pretty sure it's infected.

I'm gonna work out in my living room and do some stretching. Then I'll watch the news. I'll probably update this later.
-Laura