When You're Gone... literally...

Tonight was interesting. Besides the fact that Kayte Schafle and I were exchanging insults back and forth most of the night I had a good time. We ended up going to see fireworks in Skippack *it took an hour to get out of the field we were parked in* b/c Bensalem was just too far... and I didn't feel like going to a casino to see fireworks. Besides, these fireworks were really good anyways. Better than Pottstown and probably the shore's. I liked them, but some of them were falling on us. The ashes from them that is. That kinda sucked.

Anyways, Matt is out like a light on my living room floor. I don't want to disturb him. Kayte was saying all kinds of mean things about him too and he doesn't deserve it. Granted I wish he didn't tell her some of the things he did that was personal about me and him. But he can be a blabbermouth.

Everyone is worried about me going back to Justin. I hate that. People think we're not good for each other. I love him and miss him very much. It'll be 3 weeks Monday since we broke up. I know my therapist is going to want to talk about it. Shit, she also assigned homework to me which I haven't kept up with. I'm just gonna be straight up with her and tell her I didn't do it. That I did it the last few days because I remembered but that I wasn't thinking about it. Cos I wasn't. I can remember back a week though. I know I was feeling awful on Monday. I was super anxious.

I'm trying to get to a low dose of neurontin. So I've been taking Melatonin and it seems to be working. I don't know what else to say except that I can't believe the fourth of July is already over. I wish I could tell someone who also shared this as a favorite holiday happy 4th of july but he doesn't want to hear from me. It still bothers me that our arguing got to him so much. But I understand he is really stressed out and doesn't need any more than he already has. But we did have a lot in common. He just didn't want to see it that way. I guess different backgrounds really play a part. I wish he had all the spoilings I had when I was growing up. But not to the point of some of the chicks I went to high school with. If you compared me to them, and Blue Bell and it's surrounding areas itself you can find that I wasn't really spoiled at all. Just loved. I wish he had more love in his life, but at least his son gives him that. I think he and Heather would be a perfect couple. Too bad they live so far apart. Both single and in love with their children. They truly cherish every moment with their kids. I wonder if I would be the same way? I want a little girl, but I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant now. Maybe when I'm like 30-35. That's something that probably never would have happened with Justin. Me having kids. Besides, he claims he'd be a horrible father. I think he'd man up to the job actually. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road he has some new hot gf and gets married and has a few kids with her. I also won't be surprised if he starts drinking again. Once he gets back to Bill's I really won't be surprised. Which reminds me, I think it's wrong of Bill to demand rent from Justin while he's living at his parent's. He was so quick to brag to me how he could afford the place on his own and didn't need Justin. Everyone needs a little bit of Justin. My heart aches.
I know this is cheesy, but this song got in my head now:
When You're Gone lyrics
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

If you know who that is by, then good for you. But I'm not revealing it on my page so =P .
I know Matt likes me and stuff, but until things change with him, I don't know. He tried to kiss me tonight, but I backed away. And yes I want a FWB right now. I want what I had with Rich. Just good old sex. Even though I was crazy about him at the time, I'll always look back on the summer of 2004 as a time I had fun. Even if he and Nicole did go behind my back. Grrrr. Oh well. She's with Jake now. Happy I hope. And he's with some other chick in Tennessee? Somewhere in the South. Not to sound jealous or anything, but his gf really looks like poor white trash.

Anyways, I'm gonna wash my face and get into my PJ's. I'm not gonna go to the YMCA and swim tomorrow unless I wake up early. I think I'm just gonna do this video I got in the mail. Do they actually think I'm gonna pay for them? Seriously, 21 days free trial. They send me a new offer for more DVD's constantly. And I keep having them send stuff to me. I'm not afraid of collection agencies b/c I have no credit. And besides, I'll use one of the excuses in Shopaholic to get out of it. LoL. Whatever.
-Laura