into the flood again, same old trip it was back then...

So I am down the shore for a few days just enjoying the quiet that is the weekends here for now... till it picks up next month. I couldn't really sleep, but what else is new? So I decided to get up. At first my anxiety was really bad, but now I am just tired, so it went away. I am making some eight oclock french roast coffee... wish I had some espresso. But I will probably hit Wawa for that later. I am listening to Alice in Chains radio on Pandora as usual. I really love that station. I am gonna go for a walk/run after breakfast or something... after I have had a healthy dose of caffeine, because right now I would just collapse probably after like only a mile, and I want to do 3. I was talking to my brother about how when you start out it is hard, but then you get into your flow and rhythmn and then it just is enjoyable. I forgot how much I enjoy working out, and since it helps lose weight, and shit like that, it's like I can eat. Instead of starving myself and being miserable. I can't eat anything I want, but I can actually eat. I forgot how much more enjoyable the spring and summer months are because I can eat. Also, baseball is such a wonderful part of these seasons. I always miss it so much and am so happy when it comes back. I want to go to another game next month, but if not then, that June 1 definitely, in the suite. I don't think I will be sitting behind the dugout anytime soon. We don't know what is going to happen with Matt yet. I told him I will be his friend. That's the best I can do. I don't know what else to tell him. He told me on Tuesday that he was kinda upset with what I told him when we talked on the phone last week, but then when I talked to him again, he said he understood that he needs to hear the truth. And I told him I want to get past this with him, and that if I didn't, I just wouldn't talk to him anymore. I know he needs some sort of hope. I think he deserves that much. But I haven't hurt myself on purpose since the day he was taken away. I just needed to stop doing that. It had gotten to a bad point, so I stopped. It wasn't helping the situation at all. *I have a great view of the ocean right now and it's really pretty wavy... I wonder if it is windy or something...* There was something else about Matt I wanted to say but it flew right out of my head like thoughts do all the time... fleeting... I hate that. Damn it, I really can't remember. Anyways, so I didn't notice till just now that they are working on repairing the dunes down here. When I go out for my hour I will check it out more. But there was a guy walking on the part they are fixing and I thought he looks weird. He looked so much bigger than he should have, but he was walking on the pile of sand. HA! I was seriously like WTF? Pandora stopped on my Dad's computer so I don't have music right now, but I may put it on on my phone. I thought I had more to write about but I really don't. You can follow me on twitter.com/me0wmixalot if you want... it's the place where I get to chat about the Phillies with a bunch of fun people. Phillies should sweep this series with the Marlins. Go Phillies! Thanks for reading!

oh darling darling darling...but I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled...

So, we went to the Phillies home opener... and I somehow made it there with my car... my car is in the shop now... I am gonna need a new one, so I probably will try and get one by the end of the year... I would like a Honda Pilot... but anyways, the Phillies lost the home opener... I sorta knew they would. I had some hope when they scored runs early, but the problem this year seems to be the fact that they can't hold a lead... it sucks... oh well... I am using a lot of ellipses here, I want to try and stop. HA! But they won the second home game, it was pretty awesome to watch. I love me some Kevin Frandsen and he hit the walk off to end the game in the bottom of the ninth. I don't count them down and out yet, because it is only April and they always struggle in April. I am worried about Doc though. He has something going on, and I think it's a mental thing, cos it sure isn't a physical thing. When your mental health ain't right, then that fucks up everything. I hope he gets better. But they told me in the hospital last year that he attempted suicide at one point in his career because of the stress and how he was doing. I would hate for him to go through that again. Watching him pitch and struggle is really really REALLY hard on me. I have never met that man but I look at him as like a father figure. He helped this team through so much and I don't want people booing him. He is trying his hardest. I just really hate seeing him struggle. It's rough. It's a dark time for Philly sports. Even the Flyers are almost down and out for the season... but it's cos of the fucking shortened season. Stupid stupid NHL and their lockout. Retarded. The lady at the job place I applied to last week just got my references yesterday because I didn't really know who to ask for professional since I haven't worked in so long. But she has been calling everybody today. So that is a good sign. I only want to work like 10-15 hours for now. I think I could handle that, and it will give me some extra money for some good things I want, but I really plan on saving money, so that I don't have to work my ass off at like Christmas time and shit. You know how it is. *with my feet upon the ground I lose myself...-- Lateralus, TOOL* Writing in my blog reminds me of how Carrie Bradshaw writes in her column in Sex and the City and what soon will happen in one of my new favorite shows The Carrie Diaries... I am trying not to be pissed off that it is one of the reasons 9O21O was canceled. I watch the other reason it was canceled too... it's called The Following... it is incredible and I swear to god the guy who plays the serial killer in it is soooooo effin hot. Why am I attracted to guys with severe mental problems or addicts? I don't get it. Like you can tell me a guy has an addiction to some drug or alcohol and he becomes like a million times more attractive to me. I DUNNO... haha, say that like Eddie in Christmas Vacation says it. Matt would laugh at that with me. Matt looks pretty good. Better than I expected. He has lost like 30 pounds. I knew he would. He is gonna be a stunner. Haha. I always told him he had the potential to be that, and he actually likes me, so maybe someday things will be different. Maybe I won't be wandering around looking at another guy... *Cos I threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back, a name in your recollection, down among a million saved...* If I am physically attracted to someone I am loyal. I can see myself being loyal to Matt entirely. But would he be loyal to me? He has a wandering eye as well, but I personally think it's cos of the way we understood the relationship. He needs to get through his time in jail though. He really needs to get help for his addiction. He has an addiction to internet porn. It is weird, I know. But I also think it all stems from psychological distress that happened when he was a kid. I am trying to study this stuff as much as I possibly can without going to school. But school never made me really think deeply about shit unless it was when I was an English major. Thank you to my English professors at Widener for teaching me how to look into things. Without that I would have never learned how to really delve in Psychology. Because Psychology teachers really just want to give you facts. They don't want you to really get deep into shit. Although when you do talk about that kind of stuff they think it is amazing. You should expect that of everyone though. It is psychology you know? It is thinking about lots of things. This blog is going by a lot easier than I thought it would. I didn't think I had much to write about, but once I start flowing, I can go. Ha! McDonald's has any sized iced coffee for $1. So I added 2 shots of espresso to it, and now I am wired. I just don't want to crash. I am used to the Saxbys espresso and yeah, I usually do crash from that... but it takes about 6 hours before that happens. I am going to visit Matt in a few hours, so I decided not to go up to the apartment to pack today. I am almost done though. Next is the kitchen, then odds and ends. I figure I will need like 3-4 boxes for the kitchen cos it's mostly the shit in the cabinets and I can't exactly pack the freezer and fridge stuff yet. I will take that the day I move. Yaaaaay Nutshell is on. This is like my new favorite Alice In Chains song. I am constantly listening to Alice in Chains radio on Pandora. The anniversary of Layne's death passed. 11 years. April 5th. But no one knew he was dead for like 2 weeks. I think of that. He was like 80 lbs when they found him. Just awful. His music really is incredible. I wish I had seen them when I was in high school like I had wanted to. But since I didn't drive till I was 17 and didn't have a car till I was 18 I really couldn't go into Philly. And my parent's always made it seem like going into Philly was a hassle. It really isn't. I mean, I went into Philly for the home opener *If I can't find my own, I'd be better dead...* in my piece of shit car and it was having so many problems, yet I still made it. Yeah parking is a bitch, but if you can fucking move and walk you're fine. I walk so much every single day and run too. Today I think I am going to take the day off. But if you're in shape and shit walking is really not a problem. Which reminds me, I am going to do the NAMI walk... National Alliance for Mental Illness... It is at Montgomery County Community College... I am going to be on Sherri's team... I think I should let her know that. I am also going to volunteer up there tomorrow, if I have my car back... if not, maybe my Mom can give me a ride... *i sold my soul to make a record dipshit and then you bought one...if i'm the fuckin man then you're the fuckin man as well so you can point that fuckin finger up your ass...* I like to keep busy and do something everyday so I am tired, and then I collapse on the couch when I get home at night, haha... I am setting up the cable in my new home for upstairs and downstairs because I want to make sure I can get the music choice stations upstairs and downstairs... I have a fireplace which someday I am going to modernize and make into an electric one because right now I have no clue how to work a regular one... but someday I will use it... for now it will remain unused... I don't like how hot fireplaces make houses though anyway... I am warm blooded or something and always hot or warm, and like never cold, so I really don't need it. I have a dining room which is pretty nice... I would like to get a new tablecloth for my kitchen table... I would like a blue and white checkered one... My mom has one so maybe I will ask her if I can borrow or have it... I think it would look pretty spiffy... anyways, I am getting carried away talking about random shit, so I think I will wrap this up... just one other thing... so I think I am going to start writing a makeup blog... I may start that right now, just set it up and shizzle... maybe I can get some more readers, although this is more like a journal for people who know me to read and keep up on what is going on with me. My real REAL journal is in my handbag... it's a tiny blue book where I write random shit and thoughts and lyrics down... it helps me keep myself mentally clear. Anyways, thanks for reading!

cos i'm nutty nutty nutty for you...

I don't have much time as I have a dinner date at 7pm but I wanted to quick update this. I went to the shore yesterday and attempted to walk on the promenade... got thru 20 mins and I was in absolute hell cos of the bitter cold wind * no wonder I was the only idiot out there!* and so I went inside. But today when I got home after cleaning and organizing and watching the Phillies try to give up a win to the Orioles I went for a 3 mile walk and man did that feel good. I love just putting in my earbuds, turning on Pandora on my phone and just going. I don't even care at this point if I lose weight or what not, I want this for my mental health. I need to think shit out and work through it when I am out there, or inside on my treadmill that everyone wants to buy from me. It's not for sale and it's going in my spare bedroom in my new condo. This week I will know where I am going to be living next. I am hoping it's gwynedd club in north wales, because then I can go to the pool on days I don't have other shit to do and relax and get tan and talk to my neighbors and make friends. I like talking to random people, it's fun. It helps me. I don't want to be a therapist anymore tho, especially after all that happened in the past month cos face it, what the fuck do you say to someone who says to you "yeah, I am addicted to internet porn and I like to show little girls my genitalia"...??? I know I would be trained for that type of issue, but seriously I think my therapist now is the only one who has really helped me and I think it's because she has so much experience. She is 68, god bless her, and I hope she is around for a long time because she is the only one who has really pushed me and gotten thru to me. I have needed that ya know? Ugh, one downfall of walking so much is the hunger pains. Am I going to make it through the next 10 mins? HAHA. Anyways, so that is that, and that's my opinion of some shit. But I am happy to be getting out of that apartment. I can't even sleep in there I get so fucking anxious and worked up because seriously, who the fuck wants a gun in their face after there is all this banging on your bedroom door to get you the fuck up? FIRST THING I see... gun in my face... and I was like um, what the fuck? Did I do something? Then I saw Matt in cuffs when they pushed me out into the living room and told me they had a search warrant for the apartment. Wow. That was a lot to go thru in one fucking morning, then I read the affidavit and the fucking cops are so fucking worried I am pregnant... "are you okay? we don't want to stress you out..." Then don't fucking make me open my door to a gun!!! Assholes. I couldn't sleep at all for like the first week after that. I didn't eat anything for 4-5 days because I was so fucking messed up about this shit. Then all of a sudden food tasted so delicious to me... it was like what the fuck? And then I could eat again. Thank you chinese food from Tung's Garden in Plymouth Meeting. Then I was living on chicken fried rice for a while. Just give me the goddamn rice!!! Haha. Anyways, I am happy that part is over, and I don't want to jinx it but I have been sleeping a bit better. I haven't been taking the zanaflex every night to get to sleep, but I still have been falling asleep without it. I wake up about a million times and I am not dead to the world and I still need like 12 hours but I think my doctor did me some good with putting me on the Tegretol XR. It has helped my mood significantly and I think the fact I am on the right medications right now has helped me to deal with this better emotionally. But technically, it's not so bad because this isn't a borderline issue. Matt was my best friend. I didn't think of him as my lover which makes everything so much more complicated and stressful and I just hate my life when I am in a relationship with someone and I always ALWAYS end up hating them most of the time. It is about sex usually and that's why I keep them around till they go away. And I am so fucking grateful these idiot guys in my life went away. Best present you could ever have given me. But with Matt... it was a close friendship. He is my best friend. He would never have tried to hurt me in anyway, and I know this whole thing wasn't about hurting me. He knows how I felt about him and we were open and honest to each other, and I can honestly say I fucking love that kid. I think I have only ever loved one person and it took me about a year to admit I loved him. The rest was just infatuation and then fucking HATE and there's a thin line between love and hate so you mistake your hate for love. Do you follow me? J. was the only guy I ever loved. I don't think I ever hated him... he was funny and sweet and just different. He wasn't Italian either *Sorry Italian guys!*... he was Irish *happy st. patrick's day!* and just a good guy who went thru a lot of hell because he had a disease. I hope the best for him. My other serious boyfriends: if you know who they are: if you are one of them reading this: I hope they go fuck themselves. I hated you all most of the time... so goddamn annoying. I never hated Matt, and I never will hate Matt. He doesn't annoy the ever living piss out of me. I hope he gets the help he needs. I think he needs to be in a hospital for a year or two for intense one on one therapy. He needs to solve the issues in his head about his Mom dying so young and how it effected him mentally. He is stuck at a young age cos of it, and he wouldn't admit to being sad. He never really showed emotion except when he was manic, and even then it was just aggression. You never really knew what he was thinking. He was always so happy and joking around. You would have no idea he had these deep seeded emotional turmoil issues in his head. I hope he is okay in jail right now and I think he needed to go there first to get the shit scared out of him and to realize "THIS IS WRONG"... but I think he needs hospitalization for a long time like the dude in Silver Linings Playbook. Which I read but didn't see the movie. Won a bunch of Academy Awards. Matthew Quick is the author's name I think, which is interesting cos he is bipolar too. Bipolar disorder is such a complex illness. I don't think everyone who is diagnosed with it has it tho. I really don't. But that's a topic for another time. I am going to buy the new DSM-V when it comes out next month. I am interested in reading the different stuff that is new, cos I have one of the new things that is in it, but it's not that severe YET... It's skin picking. My ears are all fucked up from it. I don't think there is a cure for it. Oh well. I have been kinda OCD lately too, but I don't have OCD. Everyone has it to a point, but I am not having problems functioning in life because of it. So there mental illness... but if you are new to my blog and you are wondering what the fuck is wrong with me: I have bipolar 1 disorder and I have borderline personality disorder. When I feel like the bipolar is under control the borderline comes out. When I feel the borderline is under control the bipolar comes out and I can't function because the anxiety is so bad. Recently I was into the borderline side of me because of a guy. I liked him. I liked him a lot. But because of issues with Matt and shit I had to get away. And after what happened at his home last week I really need to get away from. And it's not because he is violent. I think it is because the way he looks at me I just get so drawn in and it was like that since the day I met him last July or August. I never thought anything would happen and then it did, and I got so caught up in it. I am going to miss him because I found him fascinating. He is really smart and just a beautiful man. And I love his kid. I fucking hate kids and I actually love his. But he is all sorts of fucked up too. I want to be alone. I like my life alone. I have friends and family and occasionally I see certain guys that are friends with benefits like my dear dear ****** who I will be seeing down the shore soon... Kept in touch with him through everything I went through these past couple years, and even tho and idiot loser *illiterate too* told me not to talk to him cos I didn't think it was right he was still talking to his married lover... I kept in touch anyway and talked to him while idiot loser was sleeping. But seriously, why would anyone be okay with your boyfriend/fiance talking to a married woman who is obsessed with you and writes you pathetic love letters. Check this shit out: psycho cunt wrote him a love letter and it was so entirely undeep and horribly stupid and just cheap... like had no substance. When I found it in my apartment and read it I literally laughed out loud. Thanks for leaving that behind. I like laughing at both of you. "ohhh, if things had been different maybe we could be together"... blah blah blah... I think I threw the letter out a long with a bunch of his other shit he left behind. But I really REALLY don't give a fuck about him anymore. He was so annoying and such a loser... I miss Matt so much. He is my best friend and I know he would be laughing so much at the fact we are seeing our buddy KK *Kyle Kendrick* on opening day at Citizens Bank Park. Our buddy. Haha. I am taking Matt's stepsister Gail. She is my buddy. I love her to death and love spending time with her. I haven't seen her in a few weeks but hopefully I will sometime this week. Anyways, time to go. Thanks for reading.

that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me...

*the title is a quote from SATC... it's hilarious when she says it...=))* Ah, so I read my last blog post and noticed how angry it seemed, but I think it was because they reduced one of my meds to a much lower dose *still trying to get off them, but since May I have come off so many meds. I am only on Geodon, Saphris, Neurontin and Zoloft.* Anyways, so the dose was too low so I called my new doctor and hopefully ill stay on the dose i was on last. It's a lower dose than I originally was on. Does anyone know about the combination of Saphris and Geodon being bad? I have read different things about it, but there is a concern about me being on both of them. Anyways, so my anxiety got really bad there for a few days but since I went back to an increased dosage I'm much calmer. Just a bit tired. And I wasn't able to really enjoy myself down the shore last weekend because I just felt like shit. But I am looking forward to my trip this coming week. My brother comes in on Thursday night and then on Friday I think the 6 of us are going out to dinner somewhere. I would assume at least. Then Saturday morning we are leaving at 7am *ugh kill me! lol* for the shore so we don't sit in traffic and we are going straight to Uncle Bill's pancake house in Strathmere, but I think I may run to DD at like 6am and get a red eye or a double espresso iced latte. I'm gonna need something!
I'm watching Sex and the City and I must say that Miranda is a really good friend to Carrie I think. I think it's interesting how they end up meeting each other in the Summer and the City book. This is a sad episode. it's where Miranda's mom dies. They cut out the part where the stranger makes her feel better in the store when she is buying her shitty black dress. =(( Oh well.

I'm going to the Phillies game again tomorrow with Gail and Matt. We wanted to bring Gail's boyfriend but he can't go. Gail and Brian are so cute. =)) Matt's whole family is awesome. I like them all. His grandpop really likes me. I like him too and his girlfriend who has excellent style. Matt jokingly said he was going to have to run out and buy a ring today to ask me to marry him at the game, lol! I would be so embarassed but it would be really sweet and memorable. Kelsey *my cuz* said that that would be a perfect spot for me. She goes to a lot of games too because she has partial season tickets. I did want to get them at one point but right now, I don't really need to. Deciding on the spur of the moment is the way to go I think for me. That way hopefully in September I will see Hamels again. I will see if we can figure it out in the beginning of September and when Matt has off work we will go. I'm going to see Worley tomorrow and probably Worley again on the 22nd when I get back from the shore and go to the game. Then I'm going back down the shore. I have to talk to my friend Serial to see when we can hangout down there. I know the 14th is a definite. I haven't been texting too much this week cos if I use my phone I usually make a call cos Matt doesn't like texting. And I know he likes to hear the sound of my voice, as I his. =))
We went to Friendly's for lunch. Today was my cheat day altho I didn't really cheat on my diet that bad. I did have a Sundae but I hardly ate my sandwich. I'm going to watch what I eat for dinner and breakfast tomorrow I'll have a bagel thin with a Laughing Cow cheese triangle. Or peanut butter. Whoooo I am tired. I wonder why I am so tired. Maybe I'll take a nap but it looks like it's gonna rain or storm so that might keep me up dammit. Yeah there are dark clouds outside so it probably will storm soon like they said it was going to. I'll put on the 6 oclock news and check the weather in a minute. Four people got struck by lightning on Friday down the shore. It didn't even rain where I was in Sea Isle City, NJ. I love the shore and can't wait to go back. For an extended stay too. Just heard thunder. I still haven't decided what I'm going to read while I'm down there but I'll figure it out. I still am interested in reading the Host. Right now I'm reading "Babyville" by Jane Green. She is a good writer but her stories are really hit or miss on if you're going to like them or not. They can be a bit dry.
I put on the news but they're talking about the death of Andy Reid's son Garrett. Okay now they're talking about the storms. It says in 8 mins it will hit Norristown *the heart of hell* and so it will probably hit me in like 5-10 minutes. I just hope my Pickle Pixie is okay. Anyways, Garrett Reid probably died from a drug overdose. You sometimes need to hit rock bottom to realize that your life has taken a wrong path but often times it doesn't work. I feel awful for those who are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I've been there, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to want your pain taken away. But from my recent experiences it's better to "be patient" as MJK says in his tool song the patient. " Must keep reminding myself of this I must keep reminding myself of this...if there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me thru, this tedious path i've chosen here, i certainly wouldve walked away by now." How embarassing for the Reid family for his kid being in prison. I am guessing nothing could have saved Garrett. I wonder if my cousin Matt can be saved. He's been crying for help for a long time now, and I wish there was something I could do to help him. When you're in that state tho you can't figure out what is right and what's wrong and how to deal with it. All you can see is the here and now, and you want immediate gratification. But it's not always possible. Like I said, be patient. What's a month in the hospital compared to years worth of chasing drugs and trying to score to fix that problem that just won't go away and still won't even with the drugs? I just can't imagine not being healthy again. In good news with that I've been checking my blood sugar and it was pretty low the other day compared to how high it was a few months ago. I've been walking and doing some form of exercise from 30-45 mins daily with a day off every 6 or 7 days. Last time I went 9 days without rest and that might be why I have been so tired. Tomorrow in the morning I'm going to go to the gym, then I have a dentist appointment *I know you love me my friends at Blue Bell Dental! lol-Kim!* then I will get changed and go to the game. We are going to have dinner at Xfinity Live. Gail has never been there so it will be cool.
I just thought of something: Sea Isle City should have a "rodney" like OCM does. Okay severe thunderstorm warning, but it isn't really bad at all here. It's pretty dark here tho. Oh well. I'm going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading! -laura

In my platforms I hit the floor... fell facedown, it didn't help my brain out...

*the title is because I have been getting a lot of wear out of my platforms that I bought a few weeks ago.* Today and the rest of this past week have been good. Life has been really good lately. I'm looking forward to going to the shore this weekend, then the Phillies/Giants game on Sunday with Matt. Hopefully they will win and it will be the first game I see them win this year besides the On Deck preseason game they won with Hamels. *Hollywood Hamels as we like to call him. He is so hot. So is most of the team tho.* Anyways, I had therapy today and I worked out this morning after going to Double TT for breakfast and having a few good cups of coffee. I am enjoying working out, its just when I go a lot of people are using the machines and it gets kind of annoying when you are trying to work thru a circuit and people are taking their grand old time with it. Oh well. I am going to incorporate working out more than just once a day into my schedule. When I am down the shore I am going to walk daily and maybe do some ab exercises along with plyos. That's always fun and it will keep me from gaining weight back while I am going out to eat every night I am down there. I will be there for about 2 weeks, but am coming back so I can go to another Phillies game with Matt, his sister, his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend and our friend Rich. Rich is a nice guy. Matt finally introduced me to him, and he said I was a keeper or something to that effect. Matt and I talk about getting married someday but right now I don't want to be in a relationship. Altho we practically are. But I have been trying to maintain my independence for as long as I can. Loser really fucked with my head *You promised me heaven, but put me thru hell.* That's the perfect way to describe it. He really was full of shit. But I don't want to waste my time or energy on someone who is a waste of space and a deadbeat father. What was I thinking getting involved with someone like him? I think I was desperate... that's what I had to be. But I'm certainly not desperate now. Anyways, I have been eating a lot better *Just had some string cheese that Mr. Buddy was eyeballing me for* and I have been reading a lot about diet and exercise. Trying to keep healthy things around me and keep motivated to work out everyday for at least 30 mins. The weight is flying off me, which is wonderful. I hope people don't recognize me. But eventually I will be at that stage. Oh god, windows is being a pain in the ass again, so I am going to wrap this up unofruntatley cos I can't see what I am typing. Okay, maybe I have fixed it now. Anyways, I am going to try to update this regularly, and to keep a log of things I do and opinions I have and such. Writing is so cathartic. I also have some ideas for some short stories to write. And I will read read read. Reading is so important if you want to be able to be a good writer. I just wish I could figure out what the hell Windows wants from me in order to not have it pulling at the whole screen. Oh well. I think I am going to go and make some dinner and then finish Nantucket Nights by Elin Hildebrand. Matt bought me another one of her books last night, and after I'm done this I'm going to read something else, but I'm not sure what exactly yet. I think for my few weeks down the shore I'm going to read The Host by Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. And also a book by Marian Keyes, but I haven't decided which one yet. I also will probably bring down I Remember You by Harriet Evans. And probably something short and sweet as well. I plan on reading a lot while I am there. I am not sure what I am going to read next because I plan on taking something to the shore with me on Friday. But if I read a lot of it by Thursday, then I won't be able to take it. So I'll see. I'll have to check out what I have, because I've been going thru books so fast lately. Anyways, maybe I'll post again later, but probably I won't until tomorrow because if I write later, it's going to be a short story.

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga's show was so fucking awesome. I'm still hearing her songs running thru my head today. So the show was last night. I went with my wonderful boyfriend Frank, and we got there a little early. But we got there for the pre-party block party. That was kinda boring... then we went inside *Okay, Frank just said there's something erotic about flaming boobs- yes she did have flaming boobs last night!* Anyways, so we went inside and there was some random dancing dude dancing to all sorts of music on the stage and he was bugging me out big time... so I tried to ignore him... whilst I ate my "dinner" which I couldnt eat really...
So anyways, the band "Semi Precious Weapons" came onstage, and yes, I respect them as a group and as artists with their own sound... but they BLEW... they were funny, well the lead singer was, but seriously, not my kinda music... Although I did like how the lead singer said he wanted to bring back Rock N Roll... which I thoroughly want too... but seriously, not the band for me...
Lady Gaga opened with Dance in the Dark which is Frank's fav song by her so that was awesome for him. She played an array of my fav songs by her and even made "Teeth" into a good song... it was extended too and has a special meaning to it, so now I get it... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!!! SHOW ME YOUR PAWS!!! Anyways, she sang Telephone and Boys Boys Boys... she played the piano for Speechless and for another new song which I've seen on youtube... She closed the show with Paparazzi and Bad Romance... Overall, it was very energetic and there's stuff I won't share because I don't know who is going to see this and then go to the show and it be ruined, but seriously, like Frank said after the show, Lady Gaga's show is like a religious experience... =)) Awesomeness...

Anyways, the Phillies are 2 games ahead of the Braves now for the NL East. I'm seeing them on Saturday night most likely bringing my boyfriend along too. Yay!!! Even tho my anxiety has been bugging me and my sleep is all fucked up, it's still been a good week...

I got more information about the accident and stuff that I was in almost a year ago now. The other party is sueing my insurance company. Joy. Oh well. My lawyer warned me back in November to expect it. I'm just a little surprised they waited so long. Oh well. I swear theyre stalking me and know I have my license still or something. Whatever. You broke something cos you weren't wearing your seatbelt. I had a lot more complications from that accident than the other party did. I had a nice car, there's was a POS and they needed a new one anyways, so whatevs...

Anyways, thanks for reading!
-laura

evacuate the dancefloor, i'm infected by the sound, stop this beat is killing me...

I feel like this should be updated. So I am. Hey to all you readers in Cambodia *haha Darby*... Anyways, some good things have been going on for me, but if you know me and are on facebook you know what they are and who they are. Also, you know WHO you are... =))

I got another tattoo. Finally got the star on my forearm that I've been talking about forever and a day. I'm saving for the lyrics on my lower back. I'm guessing I'll get that done in like December. Maybe even sooner if possible. I need a price, and my tattoo artist didn't respond to my looooooooooong email that I wrote in the middle of the night on my sleeping meds. If he's even been on facebook I don't know. But I'm figuring $150 or something... I have that itch to get another tattoo already... and it's only been 3 weeks today.

As for school, I'm in Applied Project which is a lot like Research Methods. It's not so bad. The next class looks somewhat interesting. SOMEWHAT tho. I don't know, I don't really have much to say. I go down the shore on the 15th. I'm driving down myself so I can come back Thursday or Friday. I don't care if my parent's friend is coming down or not, I'm driving down. My Dad doesn't like me driving down, technically I don't like driving home. But, I will handle it and be patient and not do anymore crazy stunts on route 49 in Jersey like I have in the past. And I'll be on the lookout for cops on 55. So all should be good.

The weight loss is going well. Slow this week, but I had a large drop last week. Currently watching the Phils. Of course. What else would I be doing?
Thanks for reading. =))
-laura

Things get damaged, things get broken...

So i haven't updated this in months, but Nicole has livejournal and I wanted to join that but I figure this is easier to just use instead of all the signing up bullshit...
So the Phillies have been really sucking lately, but the last 2 games they really sparked and gave their all and it really helped them because they won. Against the team who was in the lead in the NL. =)) *happy dance*...

I had to retake the DMV exam road test because that's what the court decided. I took it and passed with flying colors. I would like to find out if I can get the points taken off my license since I retook the test, but I'll call my lawyer on Monday about it. I won't be a pain in the ass about it, i'll just see what he thinks about it. So the whole fiasco with the accident is over. My lawyer called too and he said there's no need to go to court this coming Monday so I'm home free! Thank god. I hated getting up at 5am to get ready for court.

Anyways, I am no longer involved with anyone, altho I may be with someone else soon. We'll see what happens next weekend. You know who you are. As for the guy I was seeing, let's just say I really *fucked* things up big time and I couldn't do it anymore. I don't want to hurt people and I knew if he found out some certain things it would've really hurt him. But we're staying friends. Which is okay with me. it's not it's Justin I'm trying to be friends with. But anyways, I got dicked over by another guy in a really awful situation and it's just not right. Everyone is telling me he's not worth it, but I don't know what to think. I know I have a lot going for me, it's just he's really hot... lol... stupid reason I know...

Almost done my Bachelor's in Psychology... March 28th is the date when I'm done... I have one more Psych class left actually and then I'm onto my general education courses and my electives. One of my electives is the Psychology of Criminal Behavior so that's kinda a psych course but it's in Criminal Justice. I have another Criminal Justice class too. My next class is Applied Project which I can probably get into today but I have somewhere to go. Maybe later tonight I'll take a look at it when I get home. I'm gonna FINALLY watch Shutter Island. I still remember the ending in the book and everyone talks about the ending in the movie so I'm figuring it's the same thing, altho you kinda see part of it coming. But then there's just this whole other part to it that's like, woah wtf? That's kinda what the girl with the dragon tattoo book was like... I've read a lot of books since I last posted, including the green mile... I haven't had much time to read lately, but I am reading "A total waste of makeup" which is funny but not exactly sensational. I'm trying to get someone to read Valley of the Dolls. I got her to read Candy which just is perfect if you work with addicts, but Valley of the Dolls was so before it's time. I'm currently looking for Lord of the Flies and I want to re-read Bram Stoker's Dracula. Dan got me Anna Karenina for my birthday and I'm gonna read part of that next. I have to read it in sections or it's gonna take my life, lol. Pride and Prejudice was awful to read. I really didn't like that book. I don't know what I'm gonna read in between Anna Karenina or what not, but probably the author of the Time Traveler's Wife's next book. I ordered it and it will be at my apt on Monday or Tuesday. I hope I get my textbook by then.

Anyways, I better finish getting ready and get the hell out of here... thanks for reading!
-laura
ps- henry's graduation was phenomenal... I had an awesome weekend that weekend...
pps- i may get my next tattoo next week sometime... the star on my arm... tiny, but i want it...

Opening Day/Week

I was so happy to see the Yankees lose to the Red Sox last night, and then the Phillies won today =) Yaaaaay! Roy Halladay looked awesome, but he also looked really nervous. But it's just Day 1 jitters. That's how I explain the two walks and one run he gave up. I think he wanted to be perfect but if you think that way you get into Cole Hamels mentality and fail. I'm nervous about Hamels pitching on Wednesday. He didn't seem completely ready during Spring Training, but you never know.

Anyways, so the weight loss is going well. I am on Jenny Craig now which is really easy to do and I'm working out almost daily. I can't wait to get back into cycling classes again. I'm just doing cardio for now, no lifting. I'll add lifting once I get to a certain point. This was my 4th week on it. So far since January I have lost 23 lbs. 9.2 lbs on JC. The other 14 I think I lost cos of my sleeping meds and because I'm not taking a certain one regularly. Last night I went to bed hungry, but I took a second Ambien and it got me to sleep. I was tired when I woke up but I wanted to see Obama throw out the first pitch at the game today. Phils did awesome. Did I mention that? Anyways, I'll be tweeting through Wednesday's game so you can follow me on twitter @me0wmixalot.

Easter has come and gone. Not very exciting. No chocolate for me. I can't believe it's already opening week although the off season felt like forever and that it was never gonna end.

This past week I was doubled up on courses. The first week of one course that I really wanted to take called "Survey of Mental Health" which is basically what my career is going to be. And finishing up week of "Abnormal Psychology" which I've taken so many times now. The people who posted their answers to the first week of SOMH don't seem to reading the same book as I am. I came across that in the posts I read and responded to. Oh well. My instructor said my posts were excellent so I'm not worried. I am a bit worried about my lack of sources for the final paper in Ab. Psych but I'm not too worried about it. If I lose 5 pts it's not a big deal.

Anyways, time for Law and Order even though I've seen this episode. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

So Happy I Could Die and It's Alright

I haven't written in a while. Just haven't really felt like it. My moods have been low recently. They always get like this at the approach of spring. I don't know why. It's really warm out today, and I don't know. I was enjoying being in my car with the AC cranked. Not that I like the winter or anything, I think it sucks and I'm excited baseball season is just about upon us *marvelous in FL by the way* but I don't know. A lot of shit has got me down, especially the prospect of not being able to go to my --- okay my computer turned off right there... ridiculous, yes... and I don't know why... I swear if my computer crashes Dell is going to get an earful...

Anyways, the prospect of not being able to go to my brother's graduation because of my sleeping patterns. I can't sleep and when I do sleep it's for a long period of time to make up for my lack of sleep the other times.

Most of you who are important know what diet plan I'm on. I somehow managed to lose 14 lbs from early January to early March, and then added another 4 lbs last week. I'm following a program. I haven't thrown working out into it yet because I've just been so exhausted. What I don't understand is the people who exercise and shit and don't eat clean. Someone is bbq'ing outside right now, I can smell it, but I have to follow this for now. Even if I am hungry. Okay, now it just smells like the charcoals burning and it smells close by. At least it's not the smell of the Hatfield plant which is just disgusting.

I'm not going to talk about my "relationship" cos that's not what this blog is really for. "You can see my heart beating, you can see it through my chest, that I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, knowing that I must pass this test, so just pull the trigger..."-- Russian Roullette... Rihanna

Ah, I gotta do homework. I have a rough draft of a paper due tomorrow and I haven't started that yet. Plus the quiz and responding to people on the discussion board. My favorite topic was this week: Personality Disorders. Hopefully, my financial documents got to Ashford in time and I can take the Intro to Clinical Psychology course I want that starts during the last week of this course. I should write most of my paper now, even though I don't feel like it, because then I won't have to do so much when the classes overlap.

Anyways, I get weighed on Tuesday, so hopefully I dropped some more weight. I plan on throwing some intervals into the mix. Just a bit of cardio. When I used to binge on cardio I used to also binge on food. Even though I looked good, I still had issues with eating. I don't want to get back to that.

Let's go Phillies!
Thanks for reading.
-Laura

Cos I'm a free bitch baby!

Happy New Year! Sorry I didn't post at all in December... my mood really dipped low and so I wasn't up for anything really. Even the class I was excited about taking wasn't enjoyable. So I'm hoping my next two courses are. Physiological Psychology is the course that starts tomorrow. We have to keep a weekly journal as an assignment, so at least I don't have to write a paper in week 2! I like keeping a journal for classes on what I think of topics. Reminds me of my days as an English major.

Anyways, Christmas came and went and I got a bunch of good stuff. I don't know if I had my new car yet when I posted this last, was but it's a Ford Taurus. I miss my Explorer but nothing can be done. I don't really want to discuss the accident and the fact that I'm having trouble getting doctors to fill out paperwork but that's what has really been bugging me lately. I'm probably going to lose my license. I don't know how I'm going to get it back. So I'm kinda setting up a home gym in my living room. I'm waiting for my Dad to drop off the stationary bike. I have my treadmill and a bunch of DVD's too. And I need to get my heavier weights back from my neighbor who I lent them to. I may get my 10's here. Wish I had 15's so I could really isolate certain muscles... I would like a 30 lb bar for upright rows. Anyways, I'm getting off track.

I have a lot of appointments this week. One of my new year's resolutions is to try to keep all my appointments. It's gonna be hard cos I'm still having a lot of problems sleeping. But now I'm taking Tylenol PM and on Wednesday when I see the doctor I'm going to ask to try Restoril (temazapam). It says on askapatient.com that is really works, so I'm hoping that's my saving grace. Fuck the Ativan. It doesn't work anymore. But I see a new PCP today. He was my brother's doctor and helped him a lot when he found out he had Type 1 diabetes so I'm hoping he's good. My parent's also switched. So fuck you Linda Nadwodny. Yeah I said your name bitch.

Oh yeah, I dyed my hair burgundy red. I like it. At first I was in shock, and then I liked it, then I didn't, now I like it. It looks alright down to me, especially straight. And getting it straight isn't hard to do thanks to my flat iron and hair dryer. I have Lady Gaga's Paparazzi in my head. I always have this song or Bad Romance by her in my head. I think she's awesome.

Anyways, I hung out with Dan and Matt on New Year's Eve. Brad had a party to go to, so I didn't go to that cos I really wasn't up for partying. Serial sent me video of "Closer" done by Mr. Greengenes on NYE. It's kinda our "song"... lol... I wanna fuck you like an animal... he's actually the one who gave me the idea to try tylenol pm to get to sleep since he's the insomniac king.

Anyways, I've read a bunch of books since I last wrote, but I'm gonna just write about two of them. One I had saved for when my parent's were away in Florida and I read it at their house. It's my 2nd favorite book of 2009. "One Fifth Avenue" by Candace Bushnell *author of Sex and the City*... It was awesome and well done and it was what you expect from Bushnell. If only she put out books more quickly, but at least it's quality and not quantity when it comes to her.
The other book I read while I was at my parent's house was "Push" which is by Sapphire. There is a movie called "Precious" which is based on this book. It was different but interesting. Right now I have about 50 pages left of a Contemporary Romance novel I'm reading. I'm gonna finish it this morning and then read probably the book that goes with it. This one is called "Murphy's Law" and the other one is called "Jude's Law"... theyre both by Lori Foster. I'm gonna have to pick up her book "The Secret Life of Bryan"... she can write a good story. I got a bunch of books for Xmas to read and bought some on my own, so I'm pretty good on books probably till April =) Any suggestions I'm happy to take.

Anyways, till next time, thanks for reading!
-Laura
ps- Phillies pitchers and catchers start soon! About a little more than a month away. At least I have that to look forward to.

Dating Without Novacaine

Watching the Rhihanna story on ABC. I don't really have anything to say except that I've been there, and she's right "Eff love... cos it's so blind..." I totally agree with that statement. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 plus years and I didn't get out till he broke up with ME... I often wonder if he's abusing his gf, or wife if she and he are married. I wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Anyways, found out something really disturbing that happened to my friend on Monday, and it just holds true that my beliefs that the dating website plentyoffish.com is filled with psychos and weirdos and creeps. I wish my friend hadn't had to find out the hard way. Luckily, the only people I met from there that were nuts live far away from me. He's in the porn industry. What a great job for this guy who described himself as a self-made millionaire. He left his ex gf and son back in Oregon? to proceed with this "career"... one of the other guys I met on there remains my friend and worries that he may be seen as creepy. I think his profile is too safe and innocent for that to happen. Just beware any future users of POF... it's really an unsafe environment. I met one creepy guy off there who practically demanded to come back to my apartment to have sex. Thanks for the Starbucks though!

Moving on... so it's been over 2 weeks now and my face hasn't healed completely. I have some burn marks on my chin and going up to my nose and I still have some bumps and bruises on my chest (side note: Jesus christ could my parent's make it any hotter in the house? I'm dying). The burn marks on my nose are kinda annoying cos you can tell I'm missing skin on the tip of my nose so my pores are like HELLO! I've been covering it up with makeup and been pretty successful so far with it. Except for the fact of looking a bit orange today, but that's okay, I have that Day-Glo thing going on ;)

Anyways, you all know I love the Phillies. Well, they went to the World Series and lost to the Yankees. It would've been cool if they had won again, but the Yankees are a bought team. They bought their way to the World Series. Anyways, I made some friends on twitter on PhilliesNation and PhilliesPeeps this past season and of course my good friend Allen Schatz aka @raschatz *hopefully he'll still talk to me when he's the best selling author of his book Game 7* anyways, so I friended one of the head's of Phillies Nation and he wrote up an article of what happened at the World Series and I think he can sum it up better than I can so here's his article:
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/content/article/why-the-philles-lost-the-world-series/ written by a very talented soon to be sportswriter if I got that right: Corey Seidman. He made the best point in the article that the shutdowns of Brad Lidge and Cole Hamels were key to the shutdown of the Phils during most of the games. My Dad also said this.

Avon Calling. I so want to be an Avon Lady while I'm in school. They're talking about it on the news right now. I've got like 6 more years, sure I'll be working in the field after I finish my Bachelor's *and of course I'll go back into working slowly for those of you who know my situation* but that PhD is a long way off. And now after this accident I'm kinda wondering if I should ever even buy a Porsche when I can afford one. My parent's are going out to look for a new car for me tomorrow morning.

Anyways, my Best Bud *Buddy- my favorite kitty in the whole world* is laying on my laptop bag next to me. He's such a doll. I love his little paws. Okay, I'm shutting up now. Oh, I got the piercing that they took out of my ear back in. Thank god. I just need someone to put the ball on it. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

PHILS BACK TO WORLD SERIES!!!

I'm so happy right now... the Phils are headed back to the World Series... Theyll most likely be playing the Yankees who they beat 2 games to 1 back in May. The only reason they lost to the Yankees was b/c Brad Lidge fucked up, and he is back. He was in great form tonight. I'm watching channel 6 news, b/c Channel 10 is playing reruns of fallon. It's like WTF? WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS come first... reruns... seriously...
Anyways, the world series starts next Wednesday probably in the Bronx. I called this memorial day weekend. How I knew, I don't know? I'm just so excited.

Anyways, so I've been communicating a bit with Justin, but I'm gonna kinda just ignore him if he's online from now on. There's no point in talking to him really. OH yeah, now I remember why I broke up with him. He says I 'dumped' him, but it's more like he set himself up to be out of my life. I need to erase him from my life completely but something keeps bringing me back...

Tomorrow I have to run to my parent's house to get my new textbook for my latest class: Research Methods, which I'm really not looking forward to. I'm thinking of doing the final paper on Insomnia since I've been suffering from it so much lately. Today I got a new script for Elavil. I took 300 mg's of it tonight to knock me out. I'll set my alarm so I wake up and then start my day. Instead of laying in bed all day. Plus I wanna finish "The Lovely Bones". So I can start on a chick lit book called "Everyone worth knowing"... I'm starting to feel kinda tired right now, so I think I'm gonna wrap this up... Thanks for reading...
-Laura

Tattoos and memories

Okay, so the phils are one game away from clinching the NLCS... yay! But i'm scared of the yankees... theyre a scary team, but I know it will be a fight back and forth between the Phils and the Yanks...
Anyways, today I read more of the lovely bones... it's pretty good, but kinda depressing and a bit confusing w/ all the dialogue and thoughts of the dead girl... i wonder what will happen in the end cos not much is going on right now... and after this book i'm gonna need a heavy dose of chick lit... i want to read the cinderella rules by donna kauffman but i gotta buy it first... and i want to read shutter island before it's out in theatres... that movie should freak me out... it looks freaky... not paranormal activity freaky, but freaky...
Anyways, I talked to Justin tonight... it was odd... it feels like we dated a thousand years ago... he's really trying hard to stay sober... he has a new friend who is keeping him sober it seems... i just wonder when the ball will drop and what will happen to make him lose his sobriety...
Anyways, it's cold in my aptmnt... i have the window open cos i was hot earlier, and it's gonna get hot tomorrow... it's 46 degrees outside right now... ill probably just put on a sweatshirt or hoodie or something...
Hope I can sleep tonight without Elavil... if not, i'll just stay up... can't do my homework for thursday cos i don't have the book yet, but i can start on the research paper... shouldnt be hard to start... i dont know what i'm going to be researching yet... i guess ill have to figure that out before i do research...
Thanks for reading...
-Laura

Paranormal Activity/Phils

I'm watching the 3rd game of the NLCS and the Phils are ahead by 4 right now. =) That makes me happy. And Chooch just hit a double. The phillies are just awesome. I don't know what I'm gonna do once the season is over. I'm gonna miss them so much.

Anyways, last night I saw the movie Paranormal Activity. It was pretty creepy. Most of it was the couple in the house watching things happen with the camera, like doors closing by themselves and the chandelier shaking by itself and then in the attic there was a burnt picture of the girl in the movie at her old house that was burnt down and they didn't know how it got there. The end was crazy. The girl wanted to leave the house and go to a hotel, but then she is possessed by the demon and says that she wants to stay at the house now and gives this really creepy stare and smile into the camera. Then she gets up in the middle of the night and stands and stares at her boyfriend then walks down the hall then you hear her screaming really bad and all of a sudden her boyfriend is thrown against the camera and there is blood all over her shirt and he is lying there motionless and she then stares up at the camera and shuts it off and the end says that the guy's body was found but the girl was nowhere to be found. Most of it I laughed at the scary parts but when I got home I slept with the lights on. I don't know if I will tonight or not. I woke up this morning feeling kinda silly about it. Oh well. I probably will sleep with the lights on again tonight. Haha. I'm a wuss.

Anyways, I'm done my Statistics class. I handed in the final paper about a half hour ago. And i posted my final posts to the message board. Next is Research Methods, then Personality which gets split in half cos of my December break. I can't believe I'll have been doing this for a year already. It went by so fast. It's almost Thanksgiving. It's almost Halloween actually. I gotta start doing some shopping for Christmas presents.

Anyways, sorry if I spoiled the ending of PA for you. But wikipedia does too. I knew what was going to happen, I just can't get the creepy smiles from the chick out of my head. Creepy, but good for Halloween. I also saw House of 1000 Corpses last weekend. That movie was fucking awesome! I loved it. And at Nicole's we watched Wicked Little Things.

Oh and now the bases are loaded for Howard. C'mon big man you can do it! H got an RBI... anyways, i'm going to go back to watching the game now. Thanks for reading.
-Laura

LA Candy

LA Candy was one of the worst books I have ever read. It was rubbish. It was nothing but two girls who go and get famous because theyre on a reality show. Stupid. And the ending was really stupid too. I was getting worried as I got to the end of it because things weren't resolved, and they never do resolve. The one chick ends up tricked and goes to Mexico with some bitch in the book and that's how they end it. It just sucked. The whole 326 pages of it sucked. And it was a fast read. The print was so big. Over the weekend at my parent's I'll be reading the book I left there that is actually good and funny, and then on Monday I'll start The Time Traveler's Wife.
So the other night I wanted to get a glimpse into Lauren Conrad's world and put on the Hills. It sucked so much ass. It was a bunch of beautiful girls looking for hot guys, arguing over ugly ones and shopping and gossiping. It's like, okay, I'll tape myself for a week then watch it. Except for the beautiful girls part, except for my friends, but that's a whole other pity party for me that I don't want to get into. I don't deserve pity. I got myself into this overweight mess, I'll dig myself out. I've been craving some of the food I used to eat and feel guilty about eating. Tonight I pigged out on fish. Tilapia to be exact. That shit is expensive too. I'll have to grab some from my mom's surplus in the freezer in the basement.
As for my Mom. She's not doing so well. She went to the ER after her stress test today because of pain in her leg. She can't even walk. I told her to park in the handicapped parking spot even though she doesn't have a tag. I hope she didnt have to walk far, b/c she said she couldnt do that. If I couldn't walk and the officer tried to put a ticket on my car I would say, but I can't walk! I used to have trouble walking distances b/c of my weight, but now I'm a lot better with it. I don't mind parking far away from the door at the grocery store. My back just hurts when I go on a steady walk, and on my treadmill and stuff. So I have to take breaks and stuff, but that's okay. But back to my Mom. I'm really worried about her. I hope they gave her the good pain medication. She needs it, and not for me to take!
As for this weekend, I'll be working on my Stat paper during the day on Saturday and going to Avenue to buy some new clothes if I can find anything I like, plus these fabulous boots that I can't wait to get. I do need snow boots though too, which I should get at payless. I got a shoe rack for my closet so my shoes are all piled up nicely in there now on the rack and I have what I need of my winter clothes which isn't much. Maybe I'll find some cute stuff. Who knows? But I would like another pair of pants and another pair of yoga like sweatpants. And leggings. Maybe I'll go on their website first to look at what I am interested in.
So this blog was a bunch of random crap. Supernatural was good, it was funny, but they showed SOON instead of next week and a bunch of previews for what is coming up. I don't know how the hell they're going to fight the devil. And Vampire Diaries is getting better and better and Ian Somerhalder is so fucking hot. I'd let him bite my neck and suck my blood dry any day. Especially with the way he plays that character. YUM!
Anyways, that's all. The Phillies lost today. So theyre one and one with the Rockies and have to go to Colorado and play in freezing cold temperatures. Let's hope they win out there. I don't have much hope, but last night's game gave me hope. Or I should say yesterday's game, so I don't know what's going to happen. I hope they win. I'd like to see them in the World Series again against the Yanks cos we all know the Yankees are headed there. WFC! World Champions... World Fucking CHampions! Oh and Cole Hamels wife went into labor today. I wanna see pics of the baby if he is even born yet. I bet he's adorable as hell. He'll be super good looking with Cole's Hollywood looks and Heidi is just beautiful. Ah, I'm excited for them.
Alright, peace out.
-Laura

Things and People that Annoy me

Okay, so somethings have been bothering me, well annoying me to my wits end lately.
Some people in my personal life have been annoying me, but they read this or may read this, so I don't want to bitch about them unless it really comes down to needing to vent.

Anyways onto #1:
Lady Gaga- she looks like a teenage popstar who doesn't know anything about fashion. She craves attention and it is given to her and she just looks ridiculous. Her outfits at the VMA's were absolutely stupid and ridiculous. Who wears a veil? Especially a red veil over their face? Lady Gaga. Where did she get these atrocious outfits that are loud and screaming in my face and annoying the living hell out of me. People craving fame and attention annoy me... which brings me to my next point...
The women who fucked David Letterman... who is gross enough to sleep with him? What kind of fame are you seeking to sleep with an old bag like him? And speaking of him, when is it his turn to pass the torch down to someone else in late night? Maybe he is funny SOMETIMES, but seriously, he didn't want to get married b/c he was having all sorts of affairs. He's a lying, cheating, scumbag. Worthless.
The Mayors of NJ: TAKE A JOKE! Conan O'Brien made a joke about Newark *the white trash city of hell* NJ and the mayor of Newark decided to ban him from flying into Newark. Oh no! Cry me a river! Conan retorted back with a bunch of jokes about the city and how dirty and shitty it is. *Good job Coco*... anyways, so the mayors of NJ all came together and decided that they were going to ban Conan from NJ the entire state. It's like, what are we children? "No you can't play with my blocks because you made fun of them before"... what's next bringing out legos and GI Joe's? So immature. I just can't wait for Conan to make fun of them some more, which will happen. And when he's gotten someone good, he's nasty. Which is awesome. Go Coco! And go LaBamba!
Sarah Palin: She is sooooo fucking stupid. Granted, I give her credit for dropping some weight and she looks fabulous, but she is soooo stupid. I'm tempted to read her memoirs, but I figure i'll be bored to death because it will be all about how she had sex a million times to give birth to her million children. I can see Russia from my house! Wow, you must feel special. A special SHUT THE FUCK UP to you Sarah Palin. I won't be voting for you in 2012, if you even make it there.

On a lighter note, it's October and time for October baseball. The phillies clinched their division title last night. So it's playoffs time baby. Goodnight.
-Laura

Once again, I just got finished doing some upper body work. I do 50 biceps curls, 50 hammer curls, 50 triceps dips, 50 kickbacks, 50 lateral raises in front, and 60 to the side. I may repeat that one more time tonight cos I am getting stronger. It may be time to increase the weight. Not sure though. I do want to just tone though. So maybe lots of reps, and adding in reps and sets will help.
I'm still drinking a gallon of water a day. Which means I've been doing it for over a week. Yesterday I drank 18-19 glasses. So that's more than a gallon. I've been doing half just water and half watered down crystal light. Just for flavor. Been thinking about watering down the crystal light even more. But the problem is then I'll be able to taste my tap water which tastes like shit. Why is my computer being all slow to type this? I'll have to reboot once I'm done or something, cos I need to do homework tonight and I can't have it freezing up on me like it always does when I use blackboard.

Anyways, the Phils may clinch their division tonight. I'm so hoping they do. I'll do a little dance around my room if they do! Hehe. I'm so excited. I wish I was going to tonight's game. I'm sure they'll be busting out the champagne tonight in the locker room. =) Fun times.

Not much else is doing on, except that I'm in the middle week of my Stat course. So I'm almost halfway there. Then I think I have another Psychology course, but I have to check. It's just about time to order my book though for it. I have to have my mom order it though. She kinda banned me from Amazon after I spent 80 some dollars on books. But I have been reading them. Actually, no I haven't. I've been reading the ones I got at the bookstore. Well, my next one I'll read from the ones I got off of Amazon. I've been flying through books lately.

I'm listening to Delerium right now, but may turn it off to read a bit more. I'm trying to read like 100 pages a day. And I left a book at my parent's house to read for strictly when I'm there. I left a book called "Dear Prince Charming" there. It's funny, just like the one I'm reading now by Marian Keyes called "Rachel's Holiday." Anyways, time for me to get to reading now. Thanks for reading!
-Laura =^-^=
ps- this Delerium album is good...

So precious loving the thrill...

Ah, I don't know where to start, I just feel like I should write a blog. Well, I went to see the nutritionist today and she was happy with what I have been doing. I've been eating lots of veggies and exercising almost daily 4-5 days a week to try to get this weight off. Matt says I look good and that he can tell I've lost weight. I can see a difference too. I can't wait till I'm down to my goal weight.

Anyways, the Phils haven't been doing so well lately. They lost 4 in a row to the Astros because theyre not hitting the ball. The somehow won last night over the Nationals *the worst team in baseball* because of 5 solo homeruns, then Brad Lidge came in to save the game and loaded the bases. Luckily enough, Madson got them out of the jam they were in.

I see my therapist today. I don't have much to talk about except maybe that the guy I was seeing just wants to be friends which I kinda wanted too. In a way I wanted it to work out, but in a way I just couldn't see myself with him. Talking to him is natural for me and stuff, but his inexperience was just kind of daunting for me. I'm not going to go into his personal life or anything like that, because it's not fair to do that, but I experienced a lot while I was at college. Widener University was like my place to learn how to do stuff. And then I was in long term relationships and just learned how to be myself in them. I was crazy, I'll give you that, but those last 6 months with Justin I wasn't crazy at all. We had a good time if it werent for his alcoholism. We got along just fine except for his booze driven rants at me. Which never would have occurred if he was sober. He's sober now, and I miss him. But people are telling me I'm probably better off in the long run. For now I guess I can just have fun with Serial. =) Goddamn is he sexy. I just don't see him as my boyfriend. He's too much of a loner. And I can really see him breaking my heart. I've known him for so long and been into him even while I was with Justin. It was cos of Justin that we didn't continue what started in January. Justin saw us together and got jealous and determined he still loved me and asked me to be his gf again. A little bit of loving down the shore with Serial just isn't enough. That's why I gotta get him to my apartment. =D Oh and one more thing about Serial, I love that he wears boxer briefs... so sexy. YUMMY!

Anyways, enough about boys... guys... men... I think I'm gonna go for my doctorate in Psychology. I can do it all online, well not all of it, I'll have internships to do, but through Capella I can do it. After I graduate from Ashford I'm going to see when I can start. Or maybe in January of my last year at Ashford (2011- I finish in March of that year) I can get myself set up to go there.

Anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up... I want to do a few mins of weight training quick before I have to leave for therapy.
-Laura

when love is lost all i hear are gunshots over me...

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mind
This revolution
(has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that youve got it right

So I'm down the shore for the week... I got sunburnt on Saturday but not that bad... it hurt a little bit but today I made it worse by not wearing sunblock... i thought i was safe cos i didnt go out onto the beach till like 230... but it hurts like hell... and is gonna exhaust me... maybe tomorrow ill put on like spf 80 or something, lol...
Anyways, those lyrics above are from Tricky's Evolution Revolution Love... thank you Joseph Rose for getting me to download this album so many months ago... Blowback... it's sooooo good... I just started listening to it more... I like it a lot...

I've been sleeping in pretty much everyday... I only have 3 more days on the beach so I'll still go down tomorrow... I've been going in the ocean everyday... theyre digging up part of the beach near me where they are trying to make it bigger...

Anyways, I got an A in my Social Psychology class so EAT THAT! April Bradley and Brant Himes... seriously, how can EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WORD be in your own words? Most teachers understand that, but not them. Although I'm kinda nervous about this assignment I turned in for my class I'm in now. I put no citations in. It was all from the internet. Maybe I should have put citations in. Probably. I'll probably lose points for that. Oh well. I have to start working on my paper. I just want to get some sources together.

So, I'm seriously in pain right now and it hurts to bend my arm, so I think I'm gonna wrap this up. Go Phils! I hope they win their division. I think they will.

Oh, last night we went to my favorite restaurant and the chicken parmesan I ordered tasted like shit... it honestly tasted like how cows smell. Not good. It was foul. I should have sent it back, but I've never done that before and I didn't want to do that in front of my cousins too. So, blah...
Hopefully tonight's dinner will be better, although I'll probably just get a salad and soup. I'll see though.
-Laura =^-^=