guarding yourself from the love of another, left you with nothing tonight... why does it sound like the devil is laughing, leaving me haunted tonight?

*The title is from the Disturbed song "guarded" that I have in my head right now. I'll have to listen to them on the way to the theatre and to dinner* Yaaay is all I have to say about today. The Phillies signed Cole Hamels to 6 years with a vesting option of a 7th year this morning. I am so happy. I must admit i teared up the other day when I thought it might be his last start as a Phillie. It just would have been unfair and it would have said they didn't want to win games or championships if they didn't sign him. I'm so glad he signed here. Thank god. =)) The Phillies also just won their 4th game in a row. I was at the one they won on Sunday against the Giants. It was a good game and went into the 12th inning. They are doing so much better since the All Star break and it would be awesome if they could go on a good run and make it into the playoffs. Like Matt said, they should probably focus on winning the wild card now instead of the NL East. I think it's their best option. And since I know Matt reads this: I looooooooooove you, you're my booooooooooooyfriend... LOL... kissy kissy... hahaha... I needed to make fun of him on here just because he knows I looooooooooooooove him, I think he's specccccccccccial... even if he is late all the time. He's going to be late for his own funeral. I used to be late all the time but I never am anymore. Anyways, I look forward to getting my car back from the shop soon. It needed major repairs and I had put it off for so long that they are finally getting done. I can't imagine not being able to have a car or drive for that matter. That would be terrible. As for work, in September I am going to sign up for nurses aide training in Lansdale at St. Mary's Manor and hopefully work there or for an agency. I really enjoy working with elderly people because they interest me and usually just need a smiling face to make their day. I don't want to deal with difficult people who don't like me simply because they are jealous of me *Hint, youre too ugly to mention by name, but your boyfriend's name rhymes with Man... but he's definitely not a Man since he can't stand up to you. One day when you break up because he doesn't want to be bossed around anymore by an insecure unfortunate looking bitch, well then I can say "I told you so."* Enough about that. I'm going to the shore again for the weekend but my friend isn't going to be down this weekend. =(( I was hoping to see him, but I guess I have to wait until August. Things have been going good again for me. Just a little set back with how I felt about that girl *is she a girl?* who tried to make me feel awful about myself. Too bad she's not awesome enough to ever get to know me. I'm seeing the Dark Knight Rises tonight. It looks good. Christian Bale *one of my favorite actors* went to visit some of the victims of the shooting. He is a great person, and it's a shame the Batman franchise has been fucked up by incidents such as the death of Heath Ledger and now this mass shooting. I don't think anything happened with the first movie. I'll have to watch the first two again. And I want to watch Die Hard because Matt wants me to and I said I would. He thinks I'm going to make him watch Magic Mike with me when I buy it when it comes out on DVD, but I won't. It was good tho. I also got the new Emily Giffin book yesterday and am almost halfway thru it. I may not have time to finish it by tomorrow so I will take it down the shore. I am probably going to go to Target tomorrow to get some more tshirts for working out. I have a huge blister which is finally starting to heal on my foot from walking 2 miles without socks on. My new black sneakers fucked up my foot. It feels much better than it did, but it does still hurt. Anyways, I need to finish getting ready for my date with Matt so I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading. -laura =^-^= Meow!

Once again, I just got finished doing some upper body work. I do 50 biceps curls, 50 hammer curls, 50 triceps dips, 50 kickbacks, 50 lateral raises in front, and 60 to the side. I may repeat that one more time tonight cos I am getting stronger. It may be time to increase the weight. Not sure though. I do want to just tone though. So maybe lots of reps, and adding in reps and sets will help.
I'm still drinking a gallon of water a day. Which means I've been doing it for over a week. Yesterday I drank 18-19 glasses. So that's more than a gallon. I've been doing half just water and half watered down crystal light. Just for flavor. Been thinking about watering down the crystal light even more. But the problem is then I'll be able to taste my tap water which tastes like shit. Why is my computer being all slow to type this? I'll have to reboot once I'm done or something, cos I need to do homework tonight and I can't have it freezing up on me like it always does when I use blackboard.

Anyways, the Phils may clinch their division tonight. I'm so hoping they do. I'll do a little dance around my room if they do! Hehe. I'm so excited. I wish I was going to tonight's game. I'm sure they'll be busting out the champagne tonight in the locker room. =) Fun times.

Not much else is doing on, except that I'm in the middle week of my Stat course. So I'm almost halfway there. Then I think I have another Psychology course, but I have to check. It's just about time to order my book though for it. I have to have my mom order it though. She kinda banned me from Amazon after I spent 80 some dollars on books. But I have been reading them. Actually, no I haven't. I've been reading the ones I got at the bookstore. Well, my next one I'll read from the ones I got off of Amazon. I've been flying through books lately.

I'm listening to Delerium right now, but may turn it off to read a bit more. I'm trying to read like 100 pages a day. And I left a book at my parent's house to read for strictly when I'm there. I left a book called "Dear Prince Charming" there. It's funny, just like the one I'm reading now by Marian Keyes called "Rachel's Holiday." Anyways, time for me to get to reading now. Thanks for reading!
-Laura =^-^=
ps- this Delerium album is good...

Lalalalala...

I just got done doing some upper body exercises. I really don't feel upto doing anything else today. That's 5 days of some sort of activity. I've been drinking a gallon of water a day lately. I suppose it will help. I'm not convinced yet. A friend asked if I felt better cos of it, and I didn't want to say no, but the truth is, no I don't. I'm just peeing a lot more. Like you needed to know that.

Anyways, I'm in Stat and got back my first assignment from last week and got full credit for the two posts. I didn't really know what to respond to my classmates so I just wrote really whatever.

My neighbor has been using my treadmill. She lost 7 lbs in a week and a few days. She walks a lot too. Me... I had lost 3 lbs, now the scale is being weird and fluctuating. I think it's because of all the water. I need to increase my workouts or something. Even though I am eating mostly veggies and smart ones dinners and stuff. And drinking all that water. I don't know what to do really. I'll ask my nutritionist I guess. Maybe I need to cut something out.

*************************************************************************************
I just watched Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. I thought Supernatural was kinda a bland episode till the ending when Lucifer showed up. I was like, oh no way! Bill was right, it's brother against brother. Craziness. When I first started watching this show I never expected this. Any of this. Just so good.

Anyways, I gotta get a shower and wash my hair. It really needs some deep conditioning. I bleached it last week. I need to condition it at least a few times a week now. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

I've either been watching too much TV or it's time for me to write a story that will be unfinished, unpublished and everything else that goes along with my stories. Maybe after I post this blog I'll write it. Won't take me long.

Anyways, I don't get it. I go to bed at like 3-330 AM and I sleep till like 2-3pm... I go to sleep at midnight, and I wake up at 5am and can't get back to sleep... what is wrong with my body? It does not want to sleep properly, even with all the sleeping pills. I popped another Ativan b/c even if I took Elavil now I wouldn't wake up till probably Vampire Diaries was on and I want to work out and I have to do homework tomorrow, er today. So blah. I was looking at people's pics on facebook and it's such a small world. I feel like everyone in my friends went to this wedding of a local family in Blue Bell or whatever and I am friends with them on facebook but never actually talked to them. Weird huh? Anyways, I'm gonna get more water and write this story. It has a Prologue to it and everything. Haha.
-Laura

I'm bored again.

I haven't written in about a week, so I figured I would update this a bit. Anyways, I've lost 2 lbs so far in the past week or so. I am happy with that, but also kinda annoyed that my 2nd cousin has posted tagged photos of me on facebook. I know she means well, but I don't want people seeing my fat ass. Anyways, I've decided I'm going to try and workout every day in some way. I've been drinking a lot of water just to flush everything out of my system. And eating a lot of veggies. So that's that on the diet front.

I started my Statistics class today. I'm terrified and I read the guidelines for the final paper and I'm like WTF already... I don't have a clue what I'm going to write about. Or how I'm going to go about writing it. I have a feeling this is how I'm going to feel when I get to graduate school. Like WTF am I doing here? But I figure I'll get it eventually.

Anyways, I don't have much else to say except that Kanye West is a troubled jackass. Thank you president Obama for that.

So precious loving the thrill...

Ah, I don't know where to start, I just feel like I should write a blog. Well, I went to see the nutritionist today and she was happy with what I have been doing. I've been eating lots of veggies and exercising almost daily 4-5 days a week to try to get this weight off. Matt says I look good and that he can tell I've lost weight. I can see a difference too. I can't wait till I'm down to my goal weight.

Anyways, the Phils haven't been doing so well lately. They lost 4 in a row to the Astros because theyre not hitting the ball. The somehow won last night over the Nationals *the worst team in baseball* because of 5 solo homeruns, then Brad Lidge came in to save the game and loaded the bases. Luckily enough, Madson got them out of the jam they were in.

I see my therapist today. I don't have much to talk about except maybe that the guy I was seeing just wants to be friends which I kinda wanted too. In a way I wanted it to work out, but in a way I just couldn't see myself with him. Talking to him is natural for me and stuff, but his inexperience was just kind of daunting for me. I'm not going to go into his personal life or anything like that, because it's not fair to do that, but I experienced a lot while I was at college. Widener University was like my place to learn how to do stuff. And then I was in long term relationships and just learned how to be myself in them. I was crazy, I'll give you that, but those last 6 months with Justin I wasn't crazy at all. We had a good time if it werent for his alcoholism. We got along just fine except for his booze driven rants at me. Which never would have occurred if he was sober. He's sober now, and I miss him. But people are telling me I'm probably better off in the long run. For now I guess I can just have fun with Serial. =) Goddamn is he sexy. I just don't see him as my boyfriend. He's too much of a loner. And I can really see him breaking my heart. I've known him for so long and been into him even while I was with Justin. It was cos of Justin that we didn't continue what started in January. Justin saw us together and got jealous and determined he still loved me and asked me to be his gf again. A little bit of loving down the shore with Serial just isn't enough. That's why I gotta get him to my apartment. =D Oh and one more thing about Serial, I love that he wears boxer briefs... so sexy. YUMMY!

Anyways, enough about boys... guys... men... I think I'm gonna go for my doctorate in Psychology. I can do it all online, well not all of it, I'll have internships to do, but through Capella I can do it. After I graduate from Ashford I'm going to see when I can start. Or maybe in January of my last year at Ashford (2011- I finish in March of that year) I can get myself set up to go there.

Anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up... I want to do a few mins of weight training quick before I have to leave for therapy.
-Laura

Damsel in Distress

So I am down the shore again. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy with schoolwork. But there's some stuff to get caught up on. Well, I just finished a power point presentation about myself for my class. That was easier than I thought it would be. But I have to do a power point presentation for the paper that is due next week or so. I'm gonna write the rough draft of the paper tomorrow. I knew I had a lot of work to do while I was down here. Thankfully I still have the AT&T air card.
Anyways, so my brother's divorce is still going on. And I am so fucking pissed off at that family right now. His ex wife didn't tell my brother when she was terminating her job and when the insurance which he was on when he was married to her would stop. My brother has a severe case of juvenile diabetes. Not the overweight kind, but the kind you can die from from seizures and stuff. My brother relies on insurance in order to get his medication and like a bitch she doesn't tell him when it ended. He had literally days to get back on the insurance. But luckily he is on it. I'm so excited and so is the rest of my family that he is coming home to PA to stay at my parent's house for the first time in 5 years. My dad looked so happy tonight to have his son back. And my brother will be going to my Dad's birthday dinner. I'm going to make it a point to sit near him. I want to fix things with him and even have emailed him offering my apartment for him to stay at in case the cats bug him too much. Pixie doesn't even know him, and Buddy probably doesn't remember him much. My brother never payed much attention to the cats since he's allergic. But I'm excited.
I also went to a Phillies game last Sunday. It was awesome. I think I'll put on some of the music they played at the game now on my ipod since I'm listening to it. First I'm gonna listen to the rest of Britney's Circus album. It's just so good.
I'm going to be seeing my nutritionist again on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to getting some more insight from her. I've been working my ass off working out and stuff but I need some extra help from a professional. I have a fan on twitter who is really pulling for her. She owns the site www.smashfitness.com She's really cool. I also talk to another guy on there who is named Joe and his site is www.workout.com which is a site w/ daily workouts to do. You can modify them to fit your fitness level. It's hard for me to do some things because my boobs are so big. But I'm working on it. Anyways, I could write a ton more, but I should probably get to bed. I was really tired a little bit ago and I kinda want to get to bed so I can go on the beach tomorrow and read. Hopefully I won't get too sunburned. =)
Goodnight.
-Laura

especially when you're smothering me...

Burp! Excuse me, too much crystal light lemonade... anyways, what's going on in the world of those who actually read this? I was just informed Ted Kennedy has passed on after the other Kennedy died a few weeks ago who started the Special Olympics. Sad days for that family.

Anyways, I am home from the shore now. Couldn't sleep my first day back in my apartment and now I'm typing away at almost 2am. I am peeling big time, but applying lotion every hour on the hour... black Sunday... that's what's playing on my computer from my external hard drive...

Anyways, today I thought of something so cool... I want an asylum named after me... like, she was so crazy they named an asylum after her! LoL. Or because of the research I did or something like that. I just think it would be cool to have something named after me. the Winterbottom Asylum. Has a nice ring to it.

Anyways, one of my friends is really depressed and it's cos of this guy she broke up with. She blames herself, when I think he is the one being selfish. He just wants to be single again. That's it. End of story. He wants to be friends with her probably because he wants to be friends with benefits. She should cut him off. Completely. Especially talking to his coworker. That just interferes more. She shouldn't let him know any intimate details of her life. And she shouldn't give up. There are so many other guys out there that are better than Jake. I mean come on, he works a shitty job that he complains about and is obsessed w/ video games. Can you spell LOSER? And she says people are sick of hearing her complain about him, well of course they are. You shouldn't get so depressed over rejection. I learned that in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You shouldn't get suicidal because someone doesn't want you in their life anymore. It's hard, but I've been through it numerous times after longer and much more intense relationships and I had to just cut the cord and say goodbye. Yeah, I miss Justin. But I have to move on. He was bringing me down, and Jake is bringing down my friend. Telling her she needs to get help for alcoholism when his problem with alcohol is 10x worse. He lives to go to the bar and drink. And I know he didn't like me, but you know what? I don't give a shit what a Loser thinks of me. Or his roommate. His roommate has herpes. YUM. Gimme some of that. Anyways, I love my friend to death and hate seeing her like this. But you gotta get over people. They never turn out the way you want them to. That's why I am being so cautious right now. I am not throwing my all into anything. I made a mistake a week after Justin and I broke up and I'm disgusted with myself for doing what I did, but it's over and done with, and I'll never see that guy again.

My blue dress... black dove, black dove, you're not a helicopter, you're not a cop out either honey black dove...

Sunburn sucks. Peeling sucks. Sweating and peeling sucks too. It looks gross... and i'm all about image, lol. Today at Curves on the Smart program I got all greens so I worked every muscle to it's maximum capacity. It was hard, but worth it... I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. Then I did sets of 100 biceps curls, hammer curls, triceps dips, and then 50 lateral raises, but next time I'm gonna do them till I fail. I really want to fatigue my muscles majorly. I need to get into the LaCrest gym. Andrew is telling me to take Yoga. So I'll give it another shot. =) Anyways, I'm done writing for now. Goodnight internet.
-Laura

Today is the day... isnt that a band?

Anyways, today is the day I finally see my psych. I worked out for the first time today, gonna work out to a DVD in my living room a little bit later. I have to go to my parent's after my psych apptment and then do some research for this paper I'm working on.
Anyways, I've been able to sleep the past few nights. I really think it has something to do w/ the caffeine content in my day. When I drink caffeine it seems I can't sleep. And it's caffeine in tea. So I'm trying to limit it to no caffeine after 4-5 pm... I've been falling asleep really easily lately. The day I posted last I took 75 mg's of Elavil and I slept the entire day until 8pm... That's craziness... I hate when I do that... I like this going to bed and waking up around 1030-11am... I wanna try and start waking up by 930-10am... so like an hour's difference... I'll work on it... Thursday I gotta be up earlier to maybe go work out at Curves and then to go to my parent's house then to the dentist... my parent's are going to Florida to visit my brother... so I am taking care of the house from Thursday-Sunday evening. Thursday night I'm going to see Orphan with a new guy. I hope it works out, cos yes, he is my crush. =)

As for that, Matt has been throwing what this guy called a "temper tantrum". I never should have slept with him. Ever since then he has been super clingy to me. He plays games and he even went to the ER for Insomnia. It's like hellllllllllllllo... you're the one who makes people on Medicaid look bad. Nicole was seriously pissed off about it. I got pissed off too. I told him he was acting like a baby going to the ER for stupid things. It's b/c he's bored cos his Daddy took away his internet connection at his apartment, so he has nothing to do when he wakes up or can't get to sleep in the middle of the night. It's like, do what I do, and read. He's not allowed to use my computer anymore, even down the shore, because he looked at porn on it, on my aircard! Pissed me off so much. But he thinks he can get mad at me for liking another guy. I've vented much of this frustration to other people, but still... he gets upset, when he's talking to other girls! But see, I don't give a rats ass about that, and I think it bothers him. I tried explaining real heartache to him. Heartache for me is hearing about Justin going out with other girls when we had just broken up a year ago. And then when we started sleeping together again back in November-December and he was talking to that Rachel chick who was 12 years his junior. I told her we were fucking and he got all pissed off at me and told me he wanted to stop seeing me. Him choosing a girl he barely knew over ME who had been there for him for 4 years. That's heartbreak for you. And you can't not want to know what's going on b/w them and you don't want to know at the same time. It makes you cry. I was so upset. But eventually, towards the end of our relationship a month and a half ago I learned how to stop crying over the things Justin does. True, when I talked to him after we had broken up, two weeks later, I threw up I was so upset. I couldn't believe it was over, and my realization that it was over is what made me vomit. He thought I was throwing up b/c he thought I was doing it to lose weight. I said no, i'm upset over you. I loved Justin so much and I hope I can love someone as much as I did with him. I loved him more than Sal. And I didn't think that was possible. If it doesn't work out with this guy, I'm just going to work on myself more. Lose the weight. I'm only going to weigh myself once a month and I'm gonna do that at home and at Curves. Breathe-Sweat-Walk, whatdya say? I'm listening to Pandora again. Weighing myself almost every other day was pissing me off.

Anyways, I've been reading like crazy lately. I finished 2 books I expected to read down the shore in 2 weeks. So I'm taking my time with this next one. It's a sequel to the one I just read. Something Borrowed. This one is called Something Blue. I already like it. Hmph... why can't I be going down the shore this coming week and not later? Oh well. And then I'm going to the Phillies game on the 30th. I can't fucking wait. I hope they're back in their winning streak.

anyways, I'm gonna finish cleaning the apartment and take the trash out... I may watch the notebook later cos I got it on DVD. And I have to get ready for my psych apptment.
-Laura

Blah blah blah and more blah...

Watching Conan, and waiting for my friend to sign on. I hope he does. I would like to talk to him tonight if possible. I hope he signs on. I just ate a salad for dinner. I have some frozen yogurt that I'm gonna eat later. I have decided that in order to finish my book I'm going to read 10 pages a day. It'll take me 8 days cos I have 80 pages left.

I somehow lost a bunch of followers on Twitter but I think it's because I haven't been using it as much as I was. I lost like 50 followers. I don't even know who since I don't look to see who is following me. I need to get back into the hang of posting on Twitter.

So at Curves, I got everything set up. I'm on the smart training program again and I worked out there today. I didn't work out yesterday because I woke up at 6pm and was sore. I could've gone I guess, but I was tired. I was tired today too, and I could have taken an energy supplement but I didn't.

I don't know if Matt reads this or not, but sometimes he's so intense it's hard for me to deal. I don't know why he likes me so much. I think he's just having trouble letting go.

I think I'm gonna start using this blog to log my workouts. Today I worked out at Curves. There's my log for today. I didn't do any extra cardio, but I will next week when I go. And I plan on going to the Y to swim on Sunday, and tomorrow I'll use my treadmill and do floor work.

My friend texted me and said his computer is giving him trouble, so hopefully he'll be on shortly. I like him. *Blush* Yes, I have a crush. Go me!
-Laura
ps- I want to talk about my brother's divorce, but I think I'll leave the ranting and raving about what a bitch Elizabeth Poli is for later.