that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me...

*the title is a quote from SATC... it's hilarious when she says it...=))* Ah, so I read my last blog post and noticed how angry it seemed, but I think it was because they reduced one of my meds to a much lower dose *still trying to get off them, but since May I have come off so many meds. I am only on Geodon, Saphris, Neurontin and Zoloft.* Anyways, so the dose was too low so I called my new doctor and hopefully ill stay on the dose i was on last. It's a lower dose than I originally was on. Does anyone know about the combination of Saphris and Geodon being bad? I have read different things about it, but there is a concern about me being on both of them. Anyways, so my anxiety got really bad there for a few days but since I went back to an increased dosage I'm much calmer. Just a bit tired. And I wasn't able to really enjoy myself down the shore last weekend because I just felt like shit. But I am looking forward to my trip this coming week. My brother comes in on Thursday night and then on Friday I think the 6 of us are going out to dinner somewhere. I would assume at least. Then Saturday morning we are leaving at 7am *ugh kill me! lol* for the shore so we don't sit in traffic and we are going straight to Uncle Bill's pancake house in Strathmere, but I think I may run to DD at like 6am and get a red eye or a double espresso iced latte. I'm gonna need something!
I'm watching Sex and the City and I must say that Miranda is a really good friend to Carrie I think. I think it's interesting how they end up meeting each other in the Summer and the City book. This is a sad episode. it's where Miranda's mom dies. They cut out the part where the stranger makes her feel better in the store when she is buying her shitty black dress. =(( Oh well.

I'm going to the Phillies game again tomorrow with Gail and Matt. We wanted to bring Gail's boyfriend but he can't go. Gail and Brian are so cute. =)) Matt's whole family is awesome. I like them all. His grandpop really likes me. I like him too and his girlfriend who has excellent style. Matt jokingly said he was going to have to run out and buy a ring today to ask me to marry him at the game, lol! I would be so embarassed but it would be really sweet and memorable. Kelsey *my cuz* said that that would be a perfect spot for me. She goes to a lot of games too because she has partial season tickets. I did want to get them at one point but right now, I don't really need to. Deciding on the spur of the moment is the way to go I think for me. That way hopefully in September I will see Hamels again. I will see if we can figure it out in the beginning of September and when Matt has off work we will go. I'm going to see Worley tomorrow and probably Worley again on the 22nd when I get back from the shore and go to the game. Then I'm going back down the shore. I have to talk to my friend Serial to see when we can hangout down there. I know the 14th is a definite. I haven't been texting too much this week cos if I use my phone I usually make a call cos Matt doesn't like texting. And I know he likes to hear the sound of my voice, as I his. =))
We went to Friendly's for lunch. Today was my cheat day altho I didn't really cheat on my diet that bad. I did have a Sundae but I hardly ate my sandwich. I'm going to watch what I eat for dinner and breakfast tomorrow I'll have a bagel thin with a Laughing Cow cheese triangle. Or peanut butter. Whoooo I am tired. I wonder why I am so tired. Maybe I'll take a nap but it looks like it's gonna rain or storm so that might keep me up dammit. Yeah there are dark clouds outside so it probably will storm soon like they said it was going to. I'll put on the 6 oclock news and check the weather in a minute. Four people got struck by lightning on Friday down the shore. It didn't even rain where I was in Sea Isle City, NJ. I love the shore and can't wait to go back. For an extended stay too. Just heard thunder. I still haven't decided what I'm going to read while I'm down there but I'll figure it out. I still am interested in reading the Host. Right now I'm reading "Babyville" by Jane Green. She is a good writer but her stories are really hit or miss on if you're going to like them or not. They can be a bit dry.
I put on the news but they're talking about the death of Andy Reid's son Garrett. Okay now they're talking about the storms. It says in 8 mins it will hit Norristown *the heart of hell* and so it will probably hit me in like 5-10 minutes. I just hope my Pickle Pixie is okay. Anyways, Garrett Reid probably died from a drug overdose. You sometimes need to hit rock bottom to realize that your life has taken a wrong path but often times it doesn't work. I feel awful for those who are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I've been there, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to want your pain taken away. But from my recent experiences it's better to "be patient" as MJK says in his tool song the patient. " Must keep reminding myself of this I must keep reminding myself of this...if there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me thru, this tedious path i've chosen here, i certainly wouldve walked away by now." How embarassing for the Reid family for his kid being in prison. I am guessing nothing could have saved Garrett. I wonder if my cousin Matt can be saved. He's been crying for help for a long time now, and I wish there was something I could do to help him. When you're in that state tho you can't figure out what is right and what's wrong and how to deal with it. All you can see is the here and now, and you want immediate gratification. But it's not always possible. Like I said, be patient. What's a month in the hospital compared to years worth of chasing drugs and trying to score to fix that problem that just won't go away and still won't even with the drugs? I just can't imagine not being healthy again. In good news with that I've been checking my blood sugar and it was pretty low the other day compared to how high it was a few months ago. I've been walking and doing some form of exercise from 30-45 mins daily with a day off every 6 or 7 days. Last time I went 9 days without rest and that might be why I have been so tired. Tomorrow in the morning I'm going to go to the gym, then I have a dentist appointment *I know you love me my friends at Blue Bell Dental! lol-Kim!* then I will get changed and go to the game. We are going to have dinner at Xfinity Live. Gail has never been there so it will be cool.
I just thought of something: Sea Isle City should have a "rodney" like OCM does. Okay severe thunderstorm warning, but it isn't really bad at all here. It's pretty dark here tho. Oh well. I'm going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading! -laura

guarding yourself from the love of another, left you with nothing tonight... why does it sound like the devil is laughing, leaving me haunted tonight?

*The title is from the Disturbed song "guarded" that I have in my head right now. I'll have to listen to them on the way to the theatre and to dinner* Yaaay is all I have to say about today. The Phillies signed Cole Hamels to 6 years with a vesting option of a 7th year this morning. I am so happy. I must admit i teared up the other day when I thought it might be his last start as a Phillie. It just would have been unfair and it would have said they didn't want to win games or championships if they didn't sign him. I'm so glad he signed here. Thank god. =)) The Phillies also just won their 4th game in a row. I was at the one they won on Sunday against the Giants. It was a good game and went into the 12th inning. They are doing so much better since the All Star break and it would be awesome if they could go on a good run and make it into the playoffs. Like Matt said, they should probably focus on winning the wild card now instead of the NL East. I think it's their best option. And since I know Matt reads this: I looooooooooove you, you're my booooooooooooyfriend... LOL... kissy kissy... hahaha... I needed to make fun of him on here just because he knows I looooooooooooooove him, I think he's specccccccccccial... even if he is late all the time. He's going to be late for his own funeral. I used to be late all the time but I never am anymore. Anyways, I look forward to getting my car back from the shop soon. It needed major repairs and I had put it off for so long that they are finally getting done. I can't imagine not being able to have a car or drive for that matter. That would be terrible. As for work, in September I am going to sign up for nurses aide training in Lansdale at St. Mary's Manor and hopefully work there or for an agency. I really enjoy working with elderly people because they interest me and usually just need a smiling face to make their day. I don't want to deal with difficult people who don't like me simply because they are jealous of me *Hint, youre too ugly to mention by name, but your boyfriend's name rhymes with Man... but he's definitely not a Man since he can't stand up to you. One day when you break up because he doesn't want to be bossed around anymore by an insecure unfortunate looking bitch, well then I can say "I told you so."* Enough about that. I'm going to the shore again for the weekend but my friend isn't going to be down this weekend. =(( I was hoping to see him, but I guess I have to wait until August. Things have been going good again for me. Just a little set back with how I felt about that girl *is she a girl?* who tried to make me feel awful about myself. Too bad she's not awesome enough to ever get to know me. I'm seeing the Dark Knight Rises tonight. It looks good. Christian Bale *one of my favorite actors* went to visit some of the victims of the shooting. He is a great person, and it's a shame the Batman franchise has been fucked up by incidents such as the death of Heath Ledger and now this mass shooting. I don't think anything happened with the first movie. I'll have to watch the first two again. And I want to watch Die Hard because Matt wants me to and I said I would. He thinks I'm going to make him watch Magic Mike with me when I buy it when it comes out on DVD, but I won't. It was good tho. I also got the new Emily Giffin book yesterday and am almost halfway thru it. I may not have time to finish it by tomorrow so I will take it down the shore. I am probably going to go to Target tomorrow to get some more tshirts for working out. I have a huge blister which is finally starting to heal on my foot from walking 2 miles without socks on. My new black sneakers fucked up my foot. It feels much better than it did, but it does still hurt. Anyways, I need to finish getting ready for my date with Matt so I am going to wrap this up. Thanks for reading. -laura =^-^= Meow!

In my platforms I hit the floor... fell facedown, it didn't help my brain out...

*the title is because I have been getting a lot of wear out of my platforms that I bought a few weeks ago.* Today and the rest of this past week have been good. Life has been really good lately. I'm looking forward to going to the shore this weekend, then the Phillies/Giants game on Sunday with Matt. Hopefully they will win and it will be the first game I see them win this year besides the On Deck preseason game they won with Hamels. *Hollywood Hamels as we like to call him. He is so hot. So is most of the team tho.* Anyways, I had therapy today and I worked out this morning after going to Double TT for breakfast and having a few good cups of coffee. I am enjoying working out, its just when I go a lot of people are using the machines and it gets kind of annoying when you are trying to work thru a circuit and people are taking their grand old time with it. Oh well. I am going to incorporate working out more than just once a day into my schedule. When I am down the shore I am going to walk daily and maybe do some ab exercises along with plyos. That's always fun and it will keep me from gaining weight back while I am going out to eat every night I am down there. I will be there for about 2 weeks, but am coming back so I can go to another Phillies game with Matt, his sister, his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend and our friend Rich. Rich is a nice guy. Matt finally introduced me to him, and he said I was a keeper or something to that effect. Matt and I talk about getting married someday but right now I don't want to be in a relationship. Altho we practically are. But I have been trying to maintain my independence for as long as I can. Loser really fucked with my head *You promised me heaven, but put me thru hell.* That's the perfect way to describe it. He really was full of shit. But I don't want to waste my time or energy on someone who is a waste of space and a deadbeat father. What was I thinking getting involved with someone like him? I think I was desperate... that's what I had to be. But I'm certainly not desperate now. Anyways, I have been eating a lot better *Just had some string cheese that Mr. Buddy was eyeballing me for* and I have been reading a lot about diet and exercise. Trying to keep healthy things around me and keep motivated to work out everyday for at least 30 mins. The weight is flying off me, which is wonderful. I hope people don't recognize me. But eventually I will be at that stage. Oh god, windows is being a pain in the ass again, so I am going to wrap this up unofruntatley cos I can't see what I am typing. Okay, maybe I have fixed it now. Anyways, I am going to try to update this regularly, and to keep a log of things I do and opinions I have and such. Writing is so cathartic. I also have some ideas for some short stories to write. And I will read read read. Reading is so important if you want to be able to be a good writer. I just wish I could figure out what the hell Windows wants from me in order to not have it pulling at the whole screen. Oh well. I think I am going to go and make some dinner and then finish Nantucket Nights by Elin Hildebrand. Matt bought me another one of her books last night, and after I'm done this I'm going to read something else, but I'm not sure what exactly yet. I think for my few weeks down the shore I'm going to read The Host by Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. And also a book by Marian Keyes, but I haven't decided which one yet. I also will probably bring down I Remember You by Harriet Evans. And probably something short and sweet as well. I plan on reading a lot while I am there. I am not sure what I am going to read next because I plan on taking something to the shore with me on Friday. But if I read a lot of it by Thursday, then I won't be able to take it. So I'll see. I'll have to check out what I have, because I've been going thru books so fast lately. Anyways, maybe I'll post again later, but probably I won't until tomorrow because if I write later, it's going to be a short story.