oh darling darling darling...but I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled...

So, we went to the Phillies home opener... and I somehow made it there with my car... my car is in the shop now... I am gonna need a new one, so I probably will try and get one by the end of the year... I would like a Honda Pilot... but anyways, the Phillies lost the home opener... I sorta knew they would. I had some hope when they scored runs early, but the problem this year seems to be the fact that they can't hold a lead... it sucks... oh well... I am using a lot of ellipses here, I want to try and stop. HA! But they won the second home game, it was pretty awesome to watch. I love me some Kevin Frandsen and he hit the walk off to end the game in the bottom of the ninth. I don't count them down and out yet, because it is only April and they always struggle in April. I am worried about Doc though. He has something going on, and I think it's a mental thing, cos it sure isn't a physical thing. When your mental health ain't right, then that fucks up everything. I hope he gets better. But they told me in the hospital last year that he attempted suicide at one point in his career because of the stress and how he was doing. I would hate for him to go through that again. Watching him pitch and struggle is really really REALLY hard on me. I have never met that man but I look at him as like a father figure. He helped this team through so much and I don't want people booing him. He is trying his hardest. I just really hate seeing him struggle. It's rough. It's a dark time for Philly sports. Even the Flyers are almost down and out for the season... but it's cos of the fucking shortened season. Stupid stupid NHL and their lockout. Retarded. The lady at the job place I applied to last week just got my references yesterday because I didn't really know who to ask for professional since I haven't worked in so long. But she has been calling everybody today. So that is a good sign. I only want to work like 10-15 hours for now. I think I could handle that, and it will give me some extra money for some good things I want, but I really plan on saving money, so that I don't have to work my ass off at like Christmas time and shit. You know how it is. *with my feet upon the ground I lose myself...-- Lateralus, TOOL* Writing in my blog reminds me of how Carrie Bradshaw writes in her column in Sex and the City and what soon will happen in one of my new favorite shows The Carrie Diaries... I am trying not to be pissed off that it is one of the reasons 9O21O was canceled. I watch the other reason it was canceled too... it's called The Following... it is incredible and I swear to god the guy who plays the serial killer in it is soooooo effin hot. Why am I attracted to guys with severe mental problems or addicts? I don't get it. Like you can tell me a guy has an addiction to some drug or alcohol and he becomes like a million times more attractive to me. I DUNNO... haha, say that like Eddie in Christmas Vacation says it. Matt would laugh at that with me. Matt looks pretty good. Better than I expected. He has lost like 30 pounds. I knew he would. He is gonna be a stunner. Haha. I always told him he had the potential to be that, and he actually likes me, so maybe someday things will be different. Maybe I won't be wandering around looking at another guy... *Cos I threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back, a name in your recollection, down among a million saved...* If I am physically attracted to someone I am loyal. I can see myself being loyal to Matt entirely. But would he be loyal to me? He has a wandering eye as well, but I personally think it's cos of the way we understood the relationship. He needs to get through his time in jail though. He really needs to get help for his addiction. He has an addiction to internet porn. It is weird, I know. But I also think it all stems from psychological distress that happened when he was a kid. I am trying to study this stuff as much as I possibly can without going to school. But school never made me really think deeply about shit unless it was when I was an English major. Thank you to my English professors at Widener for teaching me how to look into things. Without that I would have never learned how to really delve in Psychology. Because Psychology teachers really just want to give you facts. They don't want you to really get deep into shit. Although when you do talk about that kind of stuff they think it is amazing. You should expect that of everyone though. It is psychology you know? It is thinking about lots of things. This blog is going by a lot easier than I thought it would. I didn't think I had much to write about, but once I start flowing, I can go. Ha! McDonald's has any sized iced coffee for $1. So I added 2 shots of espresso to it, and now I am wired. I just don't want to crash. I am used to the Saxbys espresso and yeah, I usually do crash from that... but it takes about 6 hours before that happens. I am going to visit Matt in a few hours, so I decided not to go up to the apartment to pack today. I am almost done though. Next is the kitchen, then odds and ends. I figure I will need like 3-4 boxes for the kitchen cos it's mostly the shit in the cabinets and I can't exactly pack the freezer and fridge stuff yet. I will take that the day I move. Yaaaaay Nutshell is on. This is like my new favorite Alice In Chains song. I am constantly listening to Alice in Chains radio on Pandora. The anniversary of Layne's death passed. 11 years. April 5th. But no one knew he was dead for like 2 weeks. I think of that. He was like 80 lbs when they found him. Just awful. His music really is incredible. I wish I had seen them when I was in high school like I had wanted to. But since I didn't drive till I was 17 and didn't have a car till I was 18 I really couldn't go into Philly. And my parent's always made it seem like going into Philly was a hassle. It really isn't. I mean, I went into Philly for the home opener *If I can't find my own, I'd be better dead...* in my piece of shit car and it was having so many problems, yet I still made it. Yeah parking is a bitch, but if you can fucking move and walk you're fine. I walk so much every single day and run too. Today I think I am going to take the day off. But if you're in shape and shit walking is really not a problem. Which reminds me, I am going to do the NAMI walk... National Alliance for Mental Illness... It is at Montgomery County Community College... I am going to be on Sherri's team... I think I should let her know that. I am also going to volunteer up there tomorrow, if I have my car back... if not, maybe my Mom can give me a ride... *i sold my soul to make a record dipshit and then you bought one...if i'm the fuckin man then you're the fuckin man as well so you can point that fuckin finger up your ass...* I like to keep busy and do something everyday so I am tired, and then I collapse on the couch when I get home at night, haha... I am setting up the cable in my new home for upstairs and downstairs because I want to make sure I can get the music choice stations upstairs and downstairs... I have a fireplace which someday I am going to modernize and make into an electric one because right now I have no clue how to work a regular one... but someday I will use it... for now it will remain unused... I don't like how hot fireplaces make houses though anyway... I am warm blooded or something and always hot or warm, and like never cold, so I really don't need it. I have a dining room which is pretty nice... I would like to get a new tablecloth for my kitchen table... I would like a blue and white checkered one... My mom has one so maybe I will ask her if I can borrow or have it... I think it would look pretty spiffy... anyways, I am getting carried away talking about random shit, so I think I will wrap this up... just one other thing... so I think I am going to start writing a makeup blog... I may start that right now, just set it up and shizzle... maybe I can get some more readers, although this is more like a journal for people who know me to read and keep up on what is going on with me. My real REAL journal is in my handbag... it's a tiny blue book where I write random shit and thoughts and lyrics down... it helps me keep myself mentally clear. Anyways, thanks for reading!

In my platforms I hit the floor... fell facedown, it didn't help my brain out...

*the title is because I have been getting a lot of wear out of my platforms that I bought a few weeks ago.* Today and the rest of this past week have been good. Life has been really good lately. I'm looking forward to going to the shore this weekend, then the Phillies/Giants game on Sunday with Matt. Hopefully they will win and it will be the first game I see them win this year besides the On Deck preseason game they won with Hamels. *Hollywood Hamels as we like to call him. He is so hot. So is most of the team tho.* Anyways, I had therapy today and I worked out this morning after going to Double TT for breakfast and having a few good cups of coffee. I am enjoying working out, its just when I go a lot of people are using the machines and it gets kind of annoying when you are trying to work thru a circuit and people are taking their grand old time with it. Oh well. I am going to incorporate working out more than just once a day into my schedule. When I am down the shore I am going to walk daily and maybe do some ab exercises along with plyos. That's always fun and it will keep me from gaining weight back while I am going out to eat every night I am down there. I will be there for about 2 weeks, but am coming back so I can go to another Phillies game with Matt, his sister, his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend and our friend Rich. Rich is a nice guy. Matt finally introduced me to him, and he said I was a keeper or something to that effect. Matt and I talk about getting married someday but right now I don't want to be in a relationship. Altho we practically are. But I have been trying to maintain my independence for as long as I can. Loser really fucked with my head *You promised me heaven, but put me thru hell.* That's the perfect way to describe it. He really was full of shit. But I don't want to waste my time or energy on someone who is a waste of space and a deadbeat father. What was I thinking getting involved with someone like him? I think I was desperate... that's what I had to be. But I'm certainly not desperate now. Anyways, I have been eating a lot better *Just had some string cheese that Mr. Buddy was eyeballing me for* and I have been reading a lot about diet and exercise. Trying to keep healthy things around me and keep motivated to work out everyday for at least 30 mins. The weight is flying off me, which is wonderful. I hope people don't recognize me. But eventually I will be at that stage. Oh god, windows is being a pain in the ass again, so I am going to wrap this up unofruntatley cos I can't see what I am typing. Okay, maybe I have fixed it now. Anyways, I am going to try to update this regularly, and to keep a log of things I do and opinions I have and such. Writing is so cathartic. I also have some ideas for some short stories to write. And I will read read read. Reading is so important if you want to be able to be a good writer. I just wish I could figure out what the hell Windows wants from me in order to not have it pulling at the whole screen. Oh well. I think I am going to go and make some dinner and then finish Nantucket Nights by Elin Hildebrand. Matt bought me another one of her books last night, and after I'm done this I'm going to read something else, but I'm not sure what exactly yet. I think for my few weeks down the shore I'm going to read The Host by Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. And also a book by Marian Keyes, but I haven't decided which one yet. I also will probably bring down I Remember You by Harriet Evans. And probably something short and sweet as well. I plan on reading a lot while I am there. I am not sure what I am going to read next because I plan on taking something to the shore with me on Friday. But if I read a lot of it by Thursday, then I won't be able to take it. So I'll see. I'll have to check out what I have, because I've been going thru books so fast lately. Anyways, maybe I'll post again later, but probably I won't until tomorrow because if I write later, it's going to be a short story.

evacuate the dancefloor, i'm infected by the sound, stop this beat is killing me...

I feel like this should be updated. So I am. Hey to all you readers in Cambodia *haha Darby*... Anyways, some good things have been going on for me, but if you know me and are on facebook you know what they are and who they are. Also, you know WHO you are... =))

I got another tattoo. Finally got the star on my forearm that I've been talking about forever and a day. I'm saving for the lyrics on my lower back. I'm guessing I'll get that done in like December. Maybe even sooner if possible. I need a price, and my tattoo artist didn't respond to my looooooooooong email that I wrote in the middle of the night on my sleeping meds. If he's even been on facebook I don't know. But I'm figuring $150 or something... I have that itch to get another tattoo already... and it's only been 3 weeks today.

As for school, I'm in Applied Project which is a lot like Research Methods. It's not so bad. The next class looks somewhat interesting. SOMEWHAT tho. I don't know, I don't really have much to say. I go down the shore on the 15th. I'm driving down myself so I can come back Thursday or Friday. I don't care if my parent's friend is coming down or not, I'm driving down. My Dad doesn't like me driving down, technically I don't like driving home. But, I will handle it and be patient and not do anymore crazy stunts on route 49 in Jersey like I have in the past. And I'll be on the lookout for cops on 55. So all should be good.

The weight loss is going well. Slow this week, but I had a large drop last week. Currently watching the Phils. Of course. What else would I be doing?
Thanks for reading. =))
-laura

Whispers: "7 days..."

So the Phillies won all 4 games against the Reds who were in first place in the National League. No we're a half game behind the mets and 4 games behind the braves. So if we start winning again we'll be in first place again. The braves are always a pain in the ass. It would just really suck if they make it to the playoffs and we don't.
My pharmacy just called me and said I had to call my doctor to have my prescription renewed which is weird cos I filled it Friday. There was a new random girl there who gave me a 10% off coupon which I'm gonna ask for every 4 months now, or maybe even sooner cos you get it after every 4 scripts you get filled. I use that insurance for some things I know my shitty insurance won't cover. I also like that with that insurance I can refill like 10 days before it's due to be refilled while with my shitty insurance I can only refill 2 days before. July 14th can't come soon enough for me.
So I had an accident last night thanks to the muscle relaxants. I passed out with my pitcher of sugar free koolaid in my hand in my kitchen. My neighbor cleaned up the whole mess thank god. She is too good to me. But I broke my favorite pitcher and got red koolaid all over my pj's and brand new robe, but i soaked them in cleaner over night in my tub and the stains came out. Thank god. But now theyre drying in my bathroom. But from now on I'm going to bed after I take the muscle relaxants. I hope my new doctor puts me on 3 instead of 2. Or a higher dose. Well, that is a higher dose, but 2 6mg's would probably do the exact job.
The maintenance man is putting my table together right now. Finally! And my closet will be fixed on Wednesday. Yay for the new maintenance man!!! =))
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Anyways, I just got back from a walk. I walked around behind in the development that is behind my apt building to places I didn't know existed. Lots of cute houses back there and there was a very quiet dog which I liked. I hate when they bark at ya.
I lost another 3 lbs. Woot! It's really easy now cos I'm like never hungry. Wow I'm glad I came in from my walk when I did cos it's storming now and everyone knows how I feel about storms. It's a horror movie night. The All-Star Break gives me time to catch up on movies. Although I want to finish this book I'm reading cos I want to start reading Anna Karenina and then break in it and read Her Fearful Symmetry. I leant my neighbor the Time Traveler's Wife. She better read it! That book is precious to me. I looked for Lord of the Flies online and it's like $7. It's old! It should be like a penny like everything else that's a few years old. It's on my list! I also got two other Anna Maxted books. I think I'll have read all of hers once I'm done them. There might be one I haven't read or ordered yet. I have 3 Jane Green books to get through too. I don't know why she's so popular. I mean her stories are interesting yes, but she's kinda a dry writer. Anna Maxted makes you think, Sophie Kinsella and Marian Keyes make you laugh at the shit that goes on in life, and Jane Green, I don't know. I keep reading her books tho. Wow, now it's pouring. I want to watch the 4th Kind tonight. If my friend ever gets here. There's some dude I met on POF that keeps IMing me to hang out. I'm done being used for only one thing. So I'm not answering him. His last IM to me was "u there?" I felt like IMing back "nope" but I just said it aloud and closed it. Ha. Sucker. More like Fucker.
Okay, I'm shutting up now and finishing my final paper and my last discussion board. I logged into my class that starts tomorrow and it's like Research Methods. I'm seriously annoyed that this is my last Psychology class. I would rather have taken it when I had Statistics and Research Methods. Cos I hated the classes. I will learn nothing from this class, and that annoys me. JESUS FUCKING MARY JOSEPH AND CHRIST! LOUD BANG! Thanks for scaring the shit out of me thunder. I unplugged my laptop. All this is is doing research and preparing a research report. I hated doing that in Research Methods. I seriously hated it. I never wanted to hear, er read "quantitative or qualitative research" again, but nooooooo... they save that for the end. And I bet for my Master's it's gonna be even more of a bitch to do, but that will be based on working in the field I bet which I will enjoy. I'm dreading Research Methods and Stat in the Master's level but I will deal, especially since my Dad is a Statistician. Okay, why do I hear leaking water? Is Samara coming to get me? Is she gonna pop out of my TV? LOL. No. Okay I'm going before I get any more ideas, like start thinking about Paranormal Activity, cos that would not be fun. I'm so not watching that movie again.
Thanks for reading!
-Laura