into the flood again, same old trip it was back then...

So I am down the shore for a few days just enjoying the quiet that is the weekends here for now... till it picks up next month. I couldn't really sleep, but what else is new? So I decided to get up. At first my anxiety was really bad, but now I am just tired, so it went away. I am making some eight oclock french roast coffee... wish I had some espresso. But I will probably hit Wawa for that later. I am listening to Alice in Chains radio on Pandora as usual. I really love that station. I am gonna go for a walk/run after breakfast or something... after I have had a healthy dose of caffeine, because right now I would just collapse probably after like only a mile, and I want to do 3. I was talking to my brother about how when you start out it is hard, but then you get into your flow and rhythmn and then it just is enjoyable. I forgot how much I enjoy working out, and since it helps lose weight, and shit like that, it's like I can eat. Instead of starving myself and being miserable. I can't eat anything I want, but I can actually eat. I forgot how much more enjoyable the spring and summer months are because I can eat. Also, baseball is such a wonderful part of these seasons. I always miss it so much and am so happy when it comes back. I want to go to another game next month, but if not then, that June 1 definitely, in the suite. I don't think I will be sitting behind the dugout anytime soon. We don't know what is going to happen with Matt yet. I told him I will be his friend. That's the best I can do. I don't know what else to tell him. He told me on Tuesday that he was kinda upset with what I told him when we talked on the phone last week, but then when I talked to him again, he said he understood that he needs to hear the truth. And I told him I want to get past this with him, and that if I didn't, I just wouldn't talk to him anymore. I know he needs some sort of hope. I think he deserves that much. But I haven't hurt myself on purpose since the day he was taken away. I just needed to stop doing that. It had gotten to a bad point, so I stopped. It wasn't helping the situation at all. *I have a great view of the ocean right now and it's really pretty wavy... I wonder if it is windy or something...* There was something else about Matt I wanted to say but it flew right out of my head like thoughts do all the time... fleeting... I hate that. Damn it, I really can't remember. Anyways, so I didn't notice till just now that they are working on repairing the dunes down here. When I go out for my hour I will check it out more. But there was a guy walking on the part they are fixing and I thought he looks weird. He looked so much bigger than he should have, but he was walking on the pile of sand. HA! I was seriously like WTF? Pandora stopped on my Dad's computer so I don't have music right now, but I may put it on on my phone. I thought I had more to write about but I really don't. You can follow me on twitter.com/me0wmixalot if you want... it's the place where I get to chat about the Phillies with a bunch of fun people. Phillies should sweep this series with the Marlins. Go Phillies! Thanks for reading!

muscle cars drove a truck right thru my heart...

Another week, down. One more week till my long vacation at the shore although I am going tomorrow for a few days. I'll probably get even more color again. Hooray for not being pale and ugly! lol... My bff Jackie is probably coming down during the 2 weeks I am there... and Matt is coming down the 2nd week I am there. He's going to be bored without me at home aren't ya Matthius? My brother and his gf are coming into town next Thursday or Friday. I can't wait. Should be a good time. I look forward to seeing how they train. I had a good workout this morning. Did twice the amount of time as usual on the stepper. I enjoy it a lot and will either take a mile or 2 mile walk tomorrow down the shore. I did 2 miles when I was there last week but didn't take water and it was soooo freakin hot. I got thru it tho, but the 2nd mile was killer. I won't do that again. Next time I'll take water especially since it's supposed to be pretty hot there tomorrow. Been really watching what I am eating. We went to a buffet last night but it was so terrible that Matt and I didn't even eat the food we got. It was so gross. It was Jim's Buffet in Lansdale. It was awful. I recommend never going there. I've dropped 3 sizes. I'm going by how my clothes feel and fit and not by the scale cos the scale is a pain in the ass. I look a lot thinner now too. Can't wait to be back to my thin self again. Being heavy is so unhealthy and unattractive. As for the Phillies, the trade deadline has passed and Pence went to the Giants and Victorino went to the Dodgers. I'll miss Pence and Shaney had a lot of heart being here and was an integral part of the 2008 World Series Championship. But times have passed and they seem to be doing better now that they made the trades. Eric Kratz has been wonderful and except for the error Kevin Frandsen has been good too. I think they just needed to get a new group together. Lee even looked really good the other night against Strasburg which surprised me. I'm sick of being on my computer so I'm going to wrap this up. I'm hardly ever on my computer anymore. Not even facebook. I don't even go on it on my phone. It's such a waste of time. It's high school shit I think. I may even get rid of my fb account so no LOSERS can spy on me. Wish I had the time to spy on him, but basically, I really don't give a shit. I feel sorry for whoever he dates next because I had horrible stress headaches from that relationship and they went away for good once he was out of my life. THANK GOD. I wish I had left him and told him to get out the first time he jumped on me and started strangling me cos I woke him up. He's abusive and the next chick will probably be abused by him too. He abused his daughter and left a welt on her. That's HORRIBLE. You don't beat your kids. He also lies about it too and says I gave him a black eye when he had black eyes from the day I met him. I bet he's wondering why they're permanent. Cos you're the dumbass who doesn't know how to get sleep and get rid of them. He's an awful person and I am so happy he is out of my life. I should have pressed charges against him when I was in the hospital and the doctors were telling me to. They saw the marks he left on my face from when he punched me. I was afraid to tho because he put fear in me. Anyways, ladies learn from this... walk away from abusive relationships. It's not worth the pain and stress they put you thru. It's better to be with someone who is a good person *like my love Matt* and be treated like the queen you are then to be supporting a deadbeat father of 3 children with 3 different mothers *can we say male slut?*, toothless, lying, uneducated high school dropout, ugly prick who has no drive except to live on Facebook and act like he knows how to ummm "produce" music. That's really funny. Making crap on your computer doesn't mean you can "produce" anything. Especially since it all sucked. Amen. Okay, now that I got that out, onto more important things in my next posts. =)) Like how wonderful life has been lately. I'm going to get ready for my dentist appointment. Thanks for reading. -laura

that ball is outta here!!!

Today I came back from the shore. It was a quick trip there just to get away for the night. I'm really looking forward to my 2 weeks there in August. I plan on seeing my friend who works for a band down there during this time. I'm glad I didn't lose touch with him even tho I supposedly wasn't supposed to talk to him. Oops. But he was there for me when my friend passed away in January unlike a certain LOSER I won't name, lol. Anyways, after my walk today I cleaned up my room and cleaned out my closet and took all the trash downstairs. Yesterday I walked 2 miles down the shore even tho it was pretty windy. I didn't mind. Just put on my iPod and went. I ran into someone I met when I was in the hospital. She was really nice and sweet and I hope she gets better. I emailed her on fb because she lives close by and I would like to get together with her. So, if you're reading this, you know who you are! =)) I think I got bitten by a few mosquitoes or something because my face and neck have been itchy. It looks like I have bites, but I'm not sure. I can't really tell except when I look in the mirror. So I'm listening to the game while I'm in my room and Cole Hamels had his first career homerun off the starting pitcher for the All Star Game on the National League this year. Matt Cain. He also has a perfect game this year, and Hamels gets his first homerun off him! I think Hamels is definitely capable of hitting more homeruns than just the one. I really hope we sign him and don't sell him. I don't think we should. As they said on the radio the other day, if the Phillies don't sign him, then it's like theyre saying they don't want to win. Ruben Amaro Jr. needs to get it right and sign him soon. I heard they offered him 6 years and 144million dollars. I hope he takes it. The Yankees would offer him more I know but I don't think being a Yankee is worth it. The other day I saw the Yankees minor league team the Trenton Thunder play the Reading Phillies. Of course the Phillies lost. It was a fun game and the food there was cheap. I'm going to the regular Phillies game tomorrow. I'm going with Brad, Matt and another girl. Should be a good time. I'm reading another book by Jennifer Weiner now. It's called Little Earthquakes. So far it's not that wonderful because it's all about marriage and babies and I don't really give a shit about that stuff right now. But I'll get thru it. I don't think I want to have kids because then they will probably end up with at least depression especially since Matt also has bipolar disorder. I don't want to put a child thru that. I also don't want to spend the money I'll be making from working on someone else. I mean, sure I will love them, and I do like to spoil people with gifts but I don't know. I just don't think it's in the cards for me. But if it happens, it happens. Anyways, I need to call Matt back cos he's coming over after he's done work tonight. I'm gonna read for a while after the game. Mr. Buddy is hanging out with me. He's so cute. I still haven't written the short story I want to put into words that is in my head but I will eventually. I heard that 50 Shades was written on a blackberry. I thought that was kinda cool. It's not exactly "good" writing. I've read much better, but people probably like it so much cos it's sex sex sex which got old fast and also it's really easy reading. It's also fantasy. I don't really understand the obsession with it but it's chick lit, so I guess girls really like it. If a guy was reading it, well I dunno what to think of that, lol. He's not a man. Haha. I don't know if I'll see the movie. I think Alexander Skarsgard should be Christian Grey and my friend said she thought that Anne Hathaway should be Anastasia Steele. I don't know about that because while she may be homely, I don't think she really would fit that role since she was Catwoman in the movie the Dark Knight Rises which I'm going to see sometime this week. Even if there was a mass shooting at the movie, I still want to see it and support Mr. Christian Bale. I'm gonna call Matt back now. Thanks for reading! -laura

evacuate the dancefloor, i'm infected by the sound, stop this beat is killing me...

I feel like this should be updated. So I am. Hey to all you readers in Cambodia *haha Darby*... Anyways, some good things have been going on for me, but if you know me and are on facebook you know what they are and who they are. Also, you know WHO you are... =))

I got another tattoo. Finally got the star on my forearm that I've been talking about forever and a day. I'm saving for the lyrics on my lower back. I'm guessing I'll get that done in like December. Maybe even sooner if possible. I need a price, and my tattoo artist didn't respond to my looooooooooong email that I wrote in the middle of the night on my sleeping meds. If he's even been on facebook I don't know. But I'm figuring $150 or something... I have that itch to get another tattoo already... and it's only been 3 weeks today.

As for school, I'm in Applied Project which is a lot like Research Methods. It's not so bad. The next class looks somewhat interesting. SOMEWHAT tho. I don't know, I don't really have much to say. I go down the shore on the 15th. I'm driving down myself so I can come back Thursday or Friday. I don't care if my parent's friend is coming down or not, I'm driving down. My Dad doesn't like me driving down, technically I don't like driving home. But, I will handle it and be patient and not do anymore crazy stunts on route 49 in Jersey like I have in the past. And I'll be on the lookout for cops on 55. So all should be good.

The weight loss is going well. Slow this week, but I had a large drop last week. Currently watching the Phils. Of course. What else would I be doing?
Thanks for reading. =))
-laura

Damsel in Distress

So I am down the shore again. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy with schoolwork. But there's some stuff to get caught up on. Well, I just finished a power point presentation about myself for my class. That was easier than I thought it would be. But I have to do a power point presentation for the paper that is due next week or so. I'm gonna write the rough draft of the paper tomorrow. I knew I had a lot of work to do while I was down here. Thankfully I still have the AT&T air card.
Anyways, so my brother's divorce is still going on. And I am so fucking pissed off at that family right now. His ex wife didn't tell my brother when she was terminating her job and when the insurance which he was on when he was married to her would stop. My brother has a severe case of juvenile diabetes. Not the overweight kind, but the kind you can die from from seizures and stuff. My brother relies on insurance in order to get his medication and like a bitch she doesn't tell him when it ended. He had literally days to get back on the insurance. But luckily he is on it. I'm so excited and so is the rest of my family that he is coming home to PA to stay at my parent's house for the first time in 5 years. My dad looked so happy tonight to have his son back. And my brother will be going to my Dad's birthday dinner. I'm going to make it a point to sit near him. I want to fix things with him and even have emailed him offering my apartment for him to stay at in case the cats bug him too much. Pixie doesn't even know him, and Buddy probably doesn't remember him much. My brother never payed much attention to the cats since he's allergic. But I'm excited.
I also went to a Phillies game last Sunday. It was awesome. I think I'll put on some of the music they played at the game now on my ipod since I'm listening to it. First I'm gonna listen to the rest of Britney's Circus album. It's just so good.
I'm going to be seeing my nutritionist again on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to getting some more insight from her. I've been working my ass off working out and stuff but I need some extra help from a professional. I have a fan on twitter who is really pulling for her. She owns the site www.smashfitness.com She's really cool. I also talk to another guy on there who is named Joe and his site is www.workout.com which is a site w/ daily workouts to do. You can modify them to fit your fitness level. It's hard for me to do some things because my boobs are so big. But I'm working on it. Anyways, I could write a ton more, but I should probably get to bed. I was really tired a little bit ago and I kinda want to get to bed so I can go on the beach tomorrow and read. Hopefully I won't get too sunburned. =)
Goodnight.
-Laura

Woke up

Just woke up a bit ago. Thinking about going back to sleep. I talked to my friend on the phone last night for the 2nd time but I feel so embarassed b/c I was so half asleep when talking to him. I'm gonna text him about it. Otherwise, nothing exciting has been going on. I slept the whole day yesterday. I think I"m finally catching up on sleep. Finally.

I finished my book and I also read the Notebook so I'm gonna start reading "Something Borrowed" now and I'm sure I'll be taking it down the shore to read. The Notebook only took me really a few hours to read b/w 2 days.

Anyways, back to bed for me. Just wanted to post a quick update. =)
-Laura

and all the shadows filled up with doubt

So my academic advisor emailed me back and I appealed the grade. I sent an official appeal form into Ashford's appeal place. So I assume I'll hear back soon.

I've been watching BH 90210 like crazy the past few days. I'm on season 7 and I'm just about halfway through. Or maybe I am halfway through. A friend of mine said that me watching the show is kinda like I'm trying to relive my past or something. That could be true, b/c my life was horrible when the show was on originally. I so badly wanted to be one of them, or someone else just for a day. One of the "popular" girls at St. Helena's. God, I hate that place. Whenever I'm in the school, which hasn't been recent, I feel an honest sense of hatred. And the principal was so nice to me when I would see her at Curves. It's like, you hated me. She hated my brother too. I could tell she was so disappointed when I got May Queen. It was like, anybody else but me would have been better. Oh well. I still remember these things. I remember her face and how she looked at me and everything. And how crestfallen the rest of the girls were and how I didn't even want to be May Queen. Yet, I got it. There was a reason I got it. Still not sure what the reason was, but there was a reason. I don't even know who crowned Mary at our ceremony senior year of high school. LoL. Senior year I was like incognito. I never went to school. I should have gotten in trouble for truancy, but I went to a private school. I guess they don't really care about it at private schools, although my grades sucked and all the teachers commented "absences interfere with performance." It's like, yeah duh. But I hated going to school. I think online high school should be invented. I mean we have online college. Hell, I go to online college. And to those of you who think it's a joke, it's not, you actually have to DO the work, you can't just get away with going to class and not reading. And the papers can be difficult. And you could end up dealing with this program Safe Assign like I did and have teachers who seem to not read your paper, but judge it on plagiarism, when you haven't even plagiarized! That program doesn't even look for quotations or something. It's ridiculous. I want to get it for myself. I'll see if I can download it.

Anyways, this past weekend the Phillies won all their games against the Pirates. My Dad got to go to the Saturday night game and I'm going to the day game on August 30th. I'm excited. I'm really excited to to be going to the shore soon. It's practically only a month away. I'm going for 5 days.

I haven't been sleeping too well lately, but I've been trying different positions, and I have been taking 3 melatonin. 15 mgs total. I don't think you're supposed to do that, but I've been doing it anyways. Means the bottle is going to go quicker than it should, but that's alright. I need like a big bottle of it. I have the theme song from True Blood in my head. It's such a great tune. I can't wait till I can own Season 1. Hopefully soon. I wanna do bad things with you... =)
-Laura