I'm so happy right now... the Phils are headed back to the World Series... Theyll most likely be playing the Yankees who they beat 2 games to 1 back in May. The only reason they lost to the Yankees was b/c Brad Lidge fucked up, and he is back. He was in great form tonight. I'm watching channel 6 news, b/c Channel 10 is playing reruns of fallon. It's like WTF? WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS come first... reruns... seriously...
Anyways, the world series starts next Wednesday probably in the Bronx. I called this memorial day weekend. How I knew, I don't know? I'm just so excited.
Anyways, so I've been communicating a bit with Justin, but I'm gonna kinda just ignore him if he's online from now on. There's no point in talking to him really. OH yeah, now I remember why I broke up with him. He says I 'dumped' him, but it's more like he set himself up to be out of my life. I need to erase him from my life completely but something keeps bringing me back...
Tomorrow I have to run to my parent's house to get my new textbook for my latest class: Research Methods, which I'm really not looking forward to. I'm thinking of doing the final paper on Insomnia since I've been suffering from it so much lately. Today I got a new script for Elavil. I took 300 mg's of it tonight to knock me out. I'll set my alarm so I wake up and then start my day. Instead of laying in bed all day. Plus I wanna finish "The Lovely Bones". So I can start on a chick lit book called "Everyone worth knowing"... I'm starting to feel kinda tired right now, so I think I'm gonna wrap this up... Thanks for reading...
-Laura
Showing posts with label justin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label justin. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Tattoos and memories
Okay, so the phils are one game away from clinching the NLCS... yay! But i'm scared of the yankees... theyre a scary team, but I know it will be a fight back and forth between the Phils and the Yanks...
Anyways, today I read more of the lovely bones... it's pretty good, but kinda depressing and a bit confusing w/ all the dialogue and thoughts of the dead girl... i wonder what will happen in the end cos not much is going on right now... and after this book i'm gonna need a heavy dose of chick lit... i want to read the cinderella rules by donna kauffman but i gotta buy it first... and i want to read shutter island before it's out in theatres... that movie should freak me out... it looks freaky... not paranormal activity freaky, but freaky...
Anyways, I talked to Justin tonight... it was odd... it feels like we dated a thousand years ago... he's really trying hard to stay sober... he has a new friend who is keeping him sober it seems... i just wonder when the ball will drop and what will happen to make him lose his sobriety...
Anyways, it's cold in my aptmnt... i have the window open cos i was hot earlier, and it's gonna get hot tomorrow... it's 46 degrees outside right now... ill probably just put on a sweatshirt or hoodie or something...
Hope I can sleep tonight without Elavil... if not, i'll just stay up... can't do my homework for thursday cos i don't have the book yet, but i can start on the research paper... shouldnt be hard to start... i dont know what i'm going to be researching yet... i guess ill have to figure that out before i do research...
Thanks for reading...
-Laura
Anyways, today I read more of the lovely bones... it's pretty good, but kinda depressing and a bit confusing w/ all the dialogue and thoughts of the dead girl... i wonder what will happen in the end cos not much is going on right now... and after this book i'm gonna need a heavy dose of chick lit... i want to read the cinderella rules by donna kauffman but i gotta buy it first... and i want to read shutter island before it's out in theatres... that movie should freak me out... it looks freaky... not paranormal activity freaky, but freaky...
Anyways, I talked to Justin tonight... it was odd... it feels like we dated a thousand years ago... he's really trying hard to stay sober... he has a new friend who is keeping him sober it seems... i just wonder when the ball will drop and what will happen to make him lose his sobriety...
Anyways, it's cold in my aptmnt... i have the window open cos i was hot earlier, and it's gonna get hot tomorrow... it's 46 degrees outside right now... ill probably just put on a sweatshirt or hoodie or something...
Hope I can sleep tonight without Elavil... if not, i'll just stay up... can't do my homework for thursday cos i don't have the book yet, but i can start on the research paper... shouldnt be hard to start... i dont know what i'm going to be researching yet... i guess ill have to figure that out before i do research...
Thanks for reading...
-Laura
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
So precious loving the thrill...
Ah, I don't know where to start, I just feel like I should write a blog. Well, I went to see the nutritionist today and she was happy with what I have been doing. I've been eating lots of veggies and exercising almost daily 4-5 days a week to try to get this weight off. Matt says I look good and that he can tell I've lost weight. I can see a difference too. I can't wait till I'm down to my goal weight.
Anyways, the Phils haven't been doing so well lately. They lost 4 in a row to the Astros because theyre not hitting the ball. The somehow won last night over the Nationals *the worst team in baseball* because of 5 solo homeruns, then Brad Lidge came in to save the game and loaded the bases. Luckily enough, Madson got them out of the jam they were in.
I see my therapist today. I don't have much to talk about except maybe that the guy I was seeing just wants to be friends which I kinda wanted too. In a way I wanted it to work out, but in a way I just couldn't see myself with him. Talking to him is natural for me and stuff, but his inexperience was just kind of daunting for me. I'm not going to go into his personal life or anything like that, because it's not fair to do that, but I experienced a lot while I was at college. Widener University was like my place to learn how to do stuff. And then I was in long term relationships and just learned how to be myself in them. I was crazy, I'll give you that, but those last 6 months with Justin I wasn't crazy at all. We had a good time if it werent for his alcoholism. We got along just fine except for his booze driven rants at me. Which never would have occurred if he was sober. He's sober now, and I miss him. But people are telling me I'm probably better off in the long run. For now I guess I can just have fun with Serial. =) Goddamn is he sexy. I just don't see him as my boyfriend. He's too much of a loner. And I can really see him breaking my heart. I've known him for so long and been into him even while I was with Justin. It was cos of Justin that we didn't continue what started in January. Justin saw us together and got jealous and determined he still loved me and asked me to be his gf again. A little bit of loving down the shore with Serial just isn't enough. That's why I gotta get him to my apartment. =D Oh and one more thing about Serial, I love that he wears boxer briefs... so sexy. YUMMY!
Anyways, enough about boys... guys... men... I think I'm gonna go for my doctorate in Psychology. I can do it all online, well not all of it, I'll have internships to do, but through Capella I can do it. After I graduate from Ashford I'm going to see when I can start. Or maybe in January of my last year at Ashford (2011- I finish in March of that year) I can get myself set up to go there.
Anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up... I want to do a few mins of weight training quick before I have to leave for therapy.
-Laura
Anyways, the Phils haven't been doing so well lately. They lost 4 in a row to the Astros because theyre not hitting the ball. The somehow won last night over the Nationals *the worst team in baseball* because of 5 solo homeruns, then Brad Lidge came in to save the game and loaded the bases. Luckily enough, Madson got them out of the jam they were in.
I see my therapist today. I don't have much to talk about except maybe that the guy I was seeing just wants to be friends which I kinda wanted too. In a way I wanted it to work out, but in a way I just couldn't see myself with him. Talking to him is natural for me and stuff, but his inexperience was just kind of daunting for me. I'm not going to go into his personal life or anything like that, because it's not fair to do that, but I experienced a lot while I was at college. Widener University was like my place to learn how to do stuff. And then I was in long term relationships and just learned how to be myself in them. I was crazy, I'll give you that, but those last 6 months with Justin I wasn't crazy at all. We had a good time if it werent for his alcoholism. We got along just fine except for his booze driven rants at me. Which never would have occurred if he was sober. He's sober now, and I miss him. But people are telling me I'm probably better off in the long run. For now I guess I can just have fun with Serial. =) Goddamn is he sexy. I just don't see him as my boyfriend. He's too much of a loner. And I can really see him breaking my heart. I've known him for so long and been into him even while I was with Justin. It was cos of Justin that we didn't continue what started in January. Justin saw us together and got jealous and determined he still loved me and asked me to be his gf again. A little bit of loving down the shore with Serial just isn't enough. That's why I gotta get him to my apartment. =D Oh and one more thing about Serial, I love that he wears boxer briefs... so sexy. YUMMY!
Anyways, enough about boys... guys... men... I think I'm gonna go for my doctorate in Psychology. I can do it all online, well not all of it, I'll have internships to do, but through Capella I can do it. After I graduate from Ashford I'm going to see when I can start. Or maybe in January of my last year at Ashford (2011- I finish in March of that year) I can get myself set up to go there.
Anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up... I want to do a few mins of weight training quick before I have to leave for therapy.
-Laura
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
especially when you're smothering me...
Burp! Excuse me, too much crystal light lemonade... anyways, what's going on in the world of those who actually read this? I was just informed Ted Kennedy has passed on after the other Kennedy died a few weeks ago who started the Special Olympics. Sad days for that family.
Anyways, I am home from the shore now. Couldn't sleep my first day back in my apartment and now I'm typing away at almost 2am. I am peeling big time, but applying lotion every hour on the hour... black Sunday... that's what's playing on my computer from my external hard drive...
Anyways, today I thought of something so cool... I want an asylum named after me... like, she was so crazy they named an asylum after her! LoL. Or because of the research I did or something like that. I just think it would be cool to have something named after me. the Winterbottom Asylum. Has a nice ring to it.
Anyways, one of my friends is really depressed and it's cos of this guy she broke up with. She blames herself, when I think he is the one being selfish. He just wants to be single again. That's it. End of story. He wants to be friends with her probably because he wants to be friends with benefits. She should cut him off. Completely. Especially talking to his coworker. That just interferes more. She shouldn't let him know any intimate details of her life. And she shouldn't give up. There are so many other guys out there that are better than Jake. I mean come on, he works a shitty job that he complains about and is obsessed w/ video games. Can you spell LOSER? And she says people are sick of hearing her complain about him, well of course they are. You shouldn't get so depressed over rejection. I learned that in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You shouldn't get suicidal because someone doesn't want you in their life anymore. It's hard, but I've been through it numerous times after longer and much more intense relationships and I had to just cut the cord and say goodbye. Yeah, I miss Justin. But I have to move on. He was bringing me down, and Jake is bringing down my friend. Telling her she needs to get help for alcoholism when his problem with alcohol is 10x worse. He lives to go to the bar and drink. And I know he didn't like me, but you know what? I don't give a shit what a Loser thinks of me. Or his roommate. His roommate has herpes. YUM. Gimme some of that. Anyways, I love my friend to death and hate seeing her like this. But you gotta get over people. They never turn out the way you want them to. That's why I am being so cautious right now. I am not throwing my all into anything. I made a mistake a week after Justin and I broke up and I'm disgusted with myself for doing what I did, but it's over and done with, and I'll never see that guy again.
My blue dress... black dove, black dove, you're not a helicopter, you're not a cop out either honey black dove...
Sunburn sucks. Peeling sucks. Sweating and peeling sucks too. It looks gross... and i'm all about image, lol. Today at Curves on the Smart program I got all greens so I worked every muscle to it's maximum capacity. It was hard, but worth it... I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. Then I did sets of 100 biceps curls, hammer curls, triceps dips, and then 50 lateral raises, but next time I'm gonna do them till I fail. I really want to fatigue my muscles majorly. I need to get into the LaCrest gym. Andrew is telling me to take Yoga. So I'll give it another shot. =) Anyways, I'm done writing for now. Goodnight internet.
-Laura
Anyways, I am home from the shore now. Couldn't sleep my first day back in my apartment and now I'm typing away at almost 2am. I am peeling big time, but applying lotion every hour on the hour... black Sunday... that's what's playing on my computer from my external hard drive...
Anyways, today I thought of something so cool... I want an asylum named after me... like, she was so crazy they named an asylum after her! LoL. Or because of the research I did or something like that. I just think it would be cool to have something named after me. the Winterbottom Asylum. Has a nice ring to it.
Anyways, one of my friends is really depressed and it's cos of this guy she broke up with. She blames herself, when I think he is the one being selfish. He just wants to be single again. That's it. End of story. He wants to be friends with her probably because he wants to be friends with benefits. She should cut him off. Completely. Especially talking to his coworker. That just interferes more. She shouldn't let him know any intimate details of her life. And she shouldn't give up. There are so many other guys out there that are better than Jake. I mean come on, he works a shitty job that he complains about and is obsessed w/ video games. Can you spell LOSER? And she says people are sick of hearing her complain about him, well of course they are. You shouldn't get so depressed over rejection. I learned that in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You shouldn't get suicidal because someone doesn't want you in their life anymore. It's hard, but I've been through it numerous times after longer and much more intense relationships and I had to just cut the cord and say goodbye. Yeah, I miss Justin. But I have to move on. He was bringing me down, and Jake is bringing down my friend. Telling her she needs to get help for alcoholism when his problem with alcohol is 10x worse. He lives to go to the bar and drink. And I know he didn't like me, but you know what? I don't give a shit what a Loser thinks of me. Or his roommate. His roommate has herpes. YUM. Gimme some of that. Anyways, I love my friend to death and hate seeing her like this. But you gotta get over people. They never turn out the way you want them to. That's why I am being so cautious right now. I am not throwing my all into anything. I made a mistake a week after Justin and I broke up and I'm disgusted with myself for doing what I did, but it's over and done with, and I'll never see that guy again.
My blue dress... black dove, black dove, you're not a helicopter, you're not a cop out either honey black dove...
Sunburn sucks. Peeling sucks. Sweating and peeling sucks too. It looks gross... and i'm all about image, lol. Today at Curves on the Smart program I got all greens so I worked every muscle to it's maximum capacity. It was hard, but worth it... I wasn't sure I was gonna make it, but I did. Then I did sets of 100 biceps curls, hammer curls, triceps dips, and then 50 lateral raises, but next time I'm gonna do them till I fail. I really want to fatigue my muscles majorly. I need to get into the LaCrest gym. Andrew is telling me to take Yoga. So I'll give it another shot. =) Anyways, I'm done writing for now. Goodnight internet.
-Laura
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sad but true... i'm not the one who's so far away
It's been a crappy couple of days except for one thing that's been going on, but I don't want to jinx it by saying anything about it.
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura
Saturday, July 4, 2009
When You're Gone... literally...
Tonight was interesting. Besides the fact that Kayte Schafle and I were exchanging insults back and forth most of the night I had a good time. We ended up going to see fireworks in Skippack *it took an hour to get out of the field we were parked in* b/c Bensalem was just too far... and I didn't feel like going to a casino to see fireworks. Besides, these fireworks were really good anyways. Better than Pottstown and probably the shore's. I liked them, but some of them were falling on us. The ashes from them that is. That kinda sucked.
Anyways, Matt is out like a light on my living room floor. I don't want to disturb him. Kayte was saying all kinds of mean things about him too and he doesn't deserve it. Granted I wish he didn't tell her some of the things he did that was personal about me and him. But he can be a blabbermouth.
Everyone is worried about me going back to Justin. I hate that. People think we're not good for each other. I love him and miss him very much. It'll be 3 weeks Monday since we broke up. I know my therapist is going to want to talk about it. Shit, she also assigned homework to me which I haven't kept up with. I'm just gonna be straight up with her and tell her I didn't do it. That I did it the last few days because I remembered but that I wasn't thinking about it. Cos I wasn't. I can remember back a week though. I know I was feeling awful on Monday. I was super anxious.
I'm trying to get to a low dose of neurontin. So I've been taking Melatonin and it seems to be working. I don't know what else to say except that I can't believe the fourth of July is already over. I wish I could tell someone who also shared this as a favorite holiday happy 4th of july but he doesn't want to hear from me. It still bothers me that our arguing got to him so much. But I understand he is really stressed out and doesn't need any more than he already has. But we did have a lot in common. He just didn't want to see it that way. I guess different backgrounds really play a part. I wish he had all the spoilings I had when I was growing up. But not to the point of some of the chicks I went to high school with. If you compared me to them, and Blue Bell and it's surrounding areas itself you can find that I wasn't really spoiled at all. Just loved. I wish he had more love in his life, but at least his son gives him that. I think he and Heather would be a perfect couple. Too bad they live so far apart. Both single and in love with their children. They truly cherish every moment with their kids. I wonder if I would be the same way? I want a little girl, but I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant now. Maybe when I'm like 30-35. That's something that probably never would have happened with Justin. Me having kids. Besides, he claims he'd be a horrible father. I think he'd man up to the job actually. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road he has some new hot gf and gets married and has a few kids with her. I also won't be surprised if he starts drinking again. Once he gets back to Bill's I really won't be surprised. Which reminds me, I think it's wrong of Bill to demand rent from Justin while he's living at his parent's. He was so quick to brag to me how he could afford the place on his own and didn't need Justin. Everyone needs a little bit of Justin. My heart aches.
I know this is cheesy, but this song got in my head now:
When You're Gone lyrics
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
If you know who that is by, then good for you. But I'm not revealing it on my page so =P .
I know Matt likes me and stuff, but until things change with him, I don't know. He tried to kiss me tonight, but I backed away. And yes I want a FWB right now. I want what I had with Rich. Just good old sex. Even though I was crazy about him at the time, I'll always look back on the summer of 2004 as a time I had fun. Even if he and Nicole did go behind my back. Grrrr. Oh well. She's with Jake now. Happy I hope. And he's with some other chick in Tennessee? Somewhere in the South. Not to sound jealous or anything, but his gf really looks like poor white trash.
Anyways, I'm gonna wash my face and get into my PJ's. I'm not gonna go to the YMCA and swim tomorrow unless I wake up early. I think I'm just gonna do this video I got in the mail. Do they actually think I'm gonna pay for them? Seriously, 21 days free trial. They send me a new offer for more DVD's constantly. And I keep having them send stuff to me. I'm not afraid of collection agencies b/c I have no credit. And besides, I'll use one of the excuses in Shopaholic to get out of it. LoL. Whatever.
-Laura
Anyways, Matt is out like a light on my living room floor. I don't want to disturb him. Kayte was saying all kinds of mean things about him too and he doesn't deserve it. Granted I wish he didn't tell her some of the things he did that was personal about me and him. But he can be a blabbermouth.
Everyone is worried about me going back to Justin. I hate that. People think we're not good for each other. I love him and miss him very much. It'll be 3 weeks Monday since we broke up. I know my therapist is going to want to talk about it. Shit, she also assigned homework to me which I haven't kept up with. I'm just gonna be straight up with her and tell her I didn't do it. That I did it the last few days because I remembered but that I wasn't thinking about it. Cos I wasn't. I can remember back a week though. I know I was feeling awful on Monday. I was super anxious.
I'm trying to get to a low dose of neurontin. So I've been taking Melatonin and it seems to be working. I don't know what else to say except that I can't believe the fourth of July is already over. I wish I could tell someone who also shared this as a favorite holiday happy 4th of july but he doesn't want to hear from me. It still bothers me that our arguing got to him so much. But I understand he is really stressed out and doesn't need any more than he already has. But we did have a lot in common. He just didn't want to see it that way. I guess different backgrounds really play a part. I wish he had all the spoilings I had when I was growing up. But not to the point of some of the chicks I went to high school with. If you compared me to them, and Blue Bell and it's surrounding areas itself you can find that I wasn't really spoiled at all. Just loved. I wish he had more love in his life, but at least his son gives him that. I think he and Heather would be a perfect couple. Too bad they live so far apart. Both single and in love with their children. They truly cherish every moment with their kids. I wonder if I would be the same way? I want a little girl, but I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant now. Maybe when I'm like 30-35. That's something that probably never would have happened with Justin. Me having kids. Besides, he claims he'd be a horrible father. I think he'd man up to the job actually. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road he has some new hot gf and gets married and has a few kids with her. I also won't be surprised if he starts drinking again. Once he gets back to Bill's I really won't be surprised. Which reminds me, I think it's wrong of Bill to demand rent from Justin while he's living at his parent's. He was so quick to brag to me how he could afford the place on his own and didn't need Justin. Everyone needs a little bit of Justin. My heart aches.
I know this is cheesy, but this song got in my head now:
When You're Gone lyrics
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
If you know who that is by, then good for you. But I'm not revealing it on my page so =P .
I know Matt likes me and stuff, but until things change with him, I don't know. He tried to kiss me tonight, but I backed away. And yes I want a FWB right now. I want what I had with Rich. Just good old sex. Even though I was crazy about him at the time, I'll always look back on the summer of 2004 as a time I had fun. Even if he and Nicole did go behind my back. Grrrr. Oh well. She's with Jake now. Happy I hope. And he's with some other chick in Tennessee? Somewhere in the South. Not to sound jealous or anything, but his gf really looks like poor white trash.
Anyways, I'm gonna wash my face and get into my PJ's. I'm not gonna go to the YMCA and swim tomorrow unless I wake up early. I think I'm just gonna do this video I got in the mail. Do they actually think I'm gonna pay for them? Seriously, 21 days free trial. They send me a new offer for more DVD's constantly. And I keep having them send stuff to me. I'm not afraid of collection agencies b/c I have no credit. And besides, I'll use one of the excuses in Shopaholic to get out of it. LoL. Whatever.
-Laura
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