End of the season

So the Phillies lost the NLCS *National League Championship Series for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about*... they lost to the San Francisco Giants in the 6th game just like they lost to the Yankees in the 6th game last year in the World Series. Good thing about it is that the Yankees lost the ALCS *figure it out for yourself there homie* and they aren't in the world series either. But the Texas Rangers are going for the first time in franchise history. It will be cool to see Cliff Lee pitching againt Tim Lincecum the strikeout king. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, I just think it will be interesting. My heart lies with the Phillies. Hopefully next year they can do something. I at least hope they go to the post-season.
Anyways, I got a netbook to replace my laptop. To make a stupid story short, I fell and spilled red cherry sugar free koolaid all into it. I fell again. I really like my netbook it's so tiny and portable and I'm used to the keyboard now.
Nothing else new is going on. Frank and I are good, he's asleep in my bed right now... sleeping like a baby... wish I was, but I will... * only time will tell, if we're meant to be... you and i both know, if it's out destiny... forever endeavor...* i love that song so much... it's by taproot... one of my fav bands of all time...
There is something else I want to air out, but I told Darbs most of it already... it just bothers me that some people can act like a child when they're in their 30's... you have kids, you're married! Stay away! Seriously, or I'll fuck you up so bad your face won't ever look the same again and you're already incredibly nasty looking... ah, vent...
Shit I haven't written in my sleep journal for days. I think I'll do that now and wrap up this post... oh yeah I LIKE PANCAKES... the end...
thanks for reading!
-laura
ps- i got thru the anniversary of the accident with flying colors... except today at genuardi's with frankers there was a green 4 door ford explorer parked right next to my shitty car... i was like, dear god, thank you for reminding me i don't have that car anymore... really appreciate it...thumbs up to you...

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga's show was so fucking awesome. I'm still hearing her songs running thru my head today. So the show was last night. I went with my wonderful boyfriend Frank, and we got there a little early. But we got there for the pre-party block party. That was kinda boring... then we went inside *Okay, Frank just said there's something erotic about flaming boobs- yes she did have flaming boobs last night!* Anyways, so we went inside and there was some random dancing dude dancing to all sorts of music on the stage and he was bugging me out big time... so I tried to ignore him... whilst I ate my "dinner" which I couldnt eat really...
So anyways, the band "Semi Precious Weapons" came onstage, and yes, I respect them as a group and as artists with their own sound... but they BLEW... they were funny, well the lead singer was, but seriously, not my kinda music... Although I did like how the lead singer said he wanted to bring back Rock N Roll... which I thoroughly want too... but seriously, not the band for me...
Lady Gaga opened with Dance in the Dark which is Frank's fav song by her so that was awesome for him. She played an array of my fav songs by her and even made "Teeth" into a good song... it was extended too and has a special meaning to it, so now I get it... SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!!! SHOW ME YOUR PAWS!!! Anyways, she sang Telephone and Boys Boys Boys... she played the piano for Speechless and for another new song which I've seen on youtube... She closed the show with Paparazzi and Bad Romance... Overall, it was very energetic and there's stuff I won't share because I don't know who is going to see this and then go to the show and it be ruined, but seriously, like Frank said after the show, Lady Gaga's show is like a religious experience... =)) Awesomeness...

Anyways, the Phillies are 2 games ahead of the Braves now for the NL East. I'm seeing them on Saturday night most likely bringing my boyfriend along too. Yay!!! Even tho my anxiety has been bugging me and my sleep is all fucked up, it's still been a good week...

I got more information about the accident and stuff that I was in almost a year ago now. The other party is sueing my insurance company. Joy. Oh well. My lawyer warned me back in November to expect it. I'm just a little surprised they waited so long. Oh well. I swear theyre stalking me and know I have my license still or something. Whatever. You broke something cos you weren't wearing your seatbelt. I had a lot more complications from that accident than the other party did. I had a nice car, there's was a POS and they needed a new one anyways, so whatevs...

Anyways, thanks for reading!
-laura

Things get damaged, things get broken...

So i haven't updated this in months, but Nicole has livejournal and I wanted to join that but I figure this is easier to just use instead of all the signing up bullshit...
So the Phillies have been really sucking lately, but the last 2 games they really sparked and gave their all and it really helped them because they won. Against the team who was in the lead in the NL. =)) *happy dance*...

I had to retake the DMV exam road test because that's what the court decided. I took it and passed with flying colors. I would like to find out if I can get the points taken off my license since I retook the test, but I'll call my lawyer on Monday about it. I won't be a pain in the ass about it, i'll just see what he thinks about it. So the whole fiasco with the accident is over. My lawyer called too and he said there's no need to go to court this coming Monday so I'm home free! Thank god. I hated getting up at 5am to get ready for court.

Anyways, I am no longer involved with anyone, altho I may be with someone else soon. We'll see what happens next weekend. You know who you are. As for the guy I was seeing, let's just say I really *fucked* things up big time and I couldn't do it anymore. I don't want to hurt people and I knew if he found out some certain things it would've really hurt him. But we're staying friends. Which is okay with me. it's not it's Justin I'm trying to be friends with. But anyways, I got dicked over by another guy in a really awful situation and it's just not right. Everyone is telling me he's not worth it, but I don't know what to think. I know I have a lot going for me, it's just he's really hot... lol... stupid reason I know...

Almost done my Bachelor's in Psychology... March 28th is the date when I'm done... I have one more Psych class left actually and then I'm onto my general education courses and my electives. One of my electives is the Psychology of Criminal Behavior so that's kinda a psych course but it's in Criminal Justice. I have another Criminal Justice class too. My next class is Applied Project which I can probably get into today but I have somewhere to go. Maybe later tonight I'll take a look at it when I get home. I'm gonna FINALLY watch Shutter Island. I still remember the ending in the book and everyone talks about the ending in the movie so I'm figuring it's the same thing, altho you kinda see part of it coming. But then there's just this whole other part to it that's like, woah wtf? That's kinda what the girl with the dragon tattoo book was like... I've read a lot of books since I last posted, including the green mile... I haven't had much time to read lately, but I am reading "A total waste of makeup" which is funny but not exactly sensational. I'm trying to get someone to read Valley of the Dolls. I got her to read Candy which just is perfect if you work with addicts, but Valley of the Dolls was so before it's time. I'm currently looking for Lord of the Flies and I want to re-read Bram Stoker's Dracula. Dan got me Anna Karenina for my birthday and I'm gonna read part of that next. I have to read it in sections or it's gonna take my life, lol. Pride and Prejudice was awful to read. I really didn't like that book. I don't know what I'm gonna read in between Anna Karenina or what not, but probably the author of the Time Traveler's Wife's next book. I ordered it and it will be at my apt on Monday or Tuesday. I hope I get my textbook by then.

Anyways, I better finish getting ready and get the hell out of here... thanks for reading!
-laura
ps- henry's graduation was phenomenal... I had an awesome weekend that weekend...
pps- i may get my next tattoo next week sometime... the star on my arm... tiny, but i want it...

The Time Traveler's Wife

I'm gonna use this space of the internet to not only talk about my life but to discuss the books I'm reading. I'm thinking of loaning Dan the Time Traveler's Wife as it would appeal to male and female audiences I think.

The book is wonderful. It's a love story about a man named Henry who time travels in and out of his wife's life. Her name is Clare Abshire. At times it's heartwrenching what they go through and other times it's so beautiful and romantic. The ending is sad, but the ultimate ending gives hope. I would recommend this book to everyone. It's got a lot of sex in it, as they are married, but they're also trying to have a child. But that's not the only entertaining part. At times it's LOL funny... other times it's OMG no! You would think it would be hard to understand and sometimes you start thinking about it, like how is this possible? But just keep reading and it is understandable. I want to read Audrey Niffeneger's *the author* next book called "Her Fearful Symmetry" but I'll wait till it's out in paperback next year.

As for the book I read after that called "the Pink Ghetto" it was an interesting story. No real sex. I'd read her again, but I really didn't like how she ended the book and I thought that the beginning of it didn't really fit with the ending. Like in it she gets a puppy from her ex boyfriend who is her roommate and theyre like playing house, then he does the ultimate betrayal to her and the end is like the ultimate backstab for him. It works out in some ways, but in that case, it seems like the ex boyfriend likes her, but then he doesn't? I don't know, it just seemed odd. What I'm reading now is called "Still Thinking of You" and I would be reading it right now if I weren't writing this blog and debating getting dressed.

Yes, I'm debating getting dressed. I don't really have anywhere to go today so I don't know if I should bother, although I did do my hair and a bit of makeup *pulled back with bangs on either side and makeup is tinted moisturizer, lipgloss/lipstick combined and eyeliner and mascara. I curled my lashes for the first time in a decade cos i felt like it, ha!* So I don't know if I'm going to get dressed but I probably will. I had 4 cups of coffee according to my coffee maker which were very good. Now i'm drinking crystal light lemonade. Tomorrow my cousin and her husband and daughter from originally Florida, but now California are coming to my parent's house. So I gotta get to bed a bit earlier tonight to make sure I'm up for that event. I'm getting the Ford Taurus that I hated driving. But maybe since I hated it I won't crash it. It seems cars I dislike have a better chance with me. But it's better than the POS I have rented to me right now. I pick up the Taurus on Friday before I go down the shore for the weekend. Which means Thursday night, stuck at the parent's, and possibly tomorrow for a while since I'm turning in the rental tomorrow.

I may still have to go to court because my asshole doctor won't fill out paperwork. My lawyer is going to try to talk to him, but my asshole doctor won't answer his calls. I know he won't. I'm curious as to what's going to happen the day I see him. I kinda want to cancel my appointment cos he's made me cry before. He doesn't like me. I thought he did cos he once spent a half hour talking to me about random stuff for no reason, but ever since my mom started on him about getting paperwork filled out he's stopped liking me. And it's not okay, because see, I'm on two benzos. One is for anxiety during the day, the other is for sleep. I don't know what other doctor is going to prescribe that, and the thing is IT WORKS! it took me 10 years to find what works that won't put weight on me. So if I go to a different doctor he may try something else. If it's Xanax 3 times a day, maybe then I'll have to live with that, but Ativan seems to really help, plus the 3 Klonopin that I'm supposed to take during the day but I take at night w/ Ativan. I have a lot of problems sleeping because of my anxiety, and I just pray for the day when my anxiety is gone. It can't come soon enough. Or the day I have a child, where the child keeps me up all night to the point where I collapse into natural sleep again. But that's not for a while. And that will only be like 4-5 hours at a time. And it may only be every couple of days. I didn't get the manic end of the bipolar stick, depression likes me best, but I got the anxiety end of the borderline personality stick and it really likes to fuck with me.

My friend Allen Schatz says to hang in and keep the faith, but sometimes it's so hard. I really don't wanna go to court again in February. So I'm hoping my therapist's testimony paperwork is enough to get me out of it. Or she's gonna have to go to court to testify and my mom was saying it costs like thousands of dollars for these other types of lawyers I would have to get. I'm owing my parent's huge chunks of change that I DO NOT HAVE. Where would I be without them?

Anyways, in a few days is Turkey Day and we're going to the Century/Sentry? House for dinner. We always go there. I think I'm done my Christmas list.
So I'm gonna post it here:
The movie “The Way We Were”
Any books by Marian Keyes and Donna Kauffman except for “Dear Prince Charming, the Cinderella Rules, Rachel’s Holiday, Watermelon and Angels”
Lori Foster’s “Jude’s Law” and “Murphy’s Law”
The book “Shutter Island”
The book “The Rules of Attraction”- Bret Easton Ellis
BH 90210 Season 8
Ghostbusters 1 and 2 on DVD
New middle size barrel Curling iron
Body Sprays
Supernatural Seasons 3 and 4
Mani/Pedi from Nail Expressions *right on 202 next to where the old Pudge’s used to be near the nerd shop Infinite Universes*

Anyways, I am gonna get dressed. Then I'm gonna read my book. Thanks for reading. And follow me on Twitter if you're not already. www.twitter.com/me0wmixalot and if you friend me on facebook tell me who you are... www.facebook.com/lwinterbottom cos i won't friend you if we don't have friends in common, you don't tell me who you are, or we have friends in common that I don't speak to.
Oh, soon to come a review of some other books I've read the past couple of months. Like the Cinderella Rules, Dear Prince Charming, Rachel's Holiday, the Lovely Bones and Just Listen.
-Laura

you've gotta come back somehow...

So not everything has been going as planned for me with getting Doctor's notes and stuff. My primary care physician won't write a letter till she sees one from my psychiatrist so whatever. Fuck that. And my psychiatrist didn't show up for his meeting he was supposed to be at to get the information to write the letter for me. So fuck that too. My therapist wrote a letter, which I will hopefully get in the mail tomorrow. For extra help my mom has employed a lawyer who I will be going to see at 2pm today. Hopefully he can help me and my situation. Going to court again is just not my idea of fun. I hate it. And to think, I wanted to be a lawyer. HA!

I've been listening to Delerium Radio on Pandora nonstop the past few days. Since Friday night actually. It's just great. The perfect combination of trance. I missed this stuff.

Anyways, I haven't really been up for doing anything except reading and tweeting and watching my shows. Gonna do some homework in a few mins just to get started on it for the week. Matt's coming over tonight to hang out and watch SVU with me. I was up at 630 this morning. Made two cups of instant coffee. Now I'm drinking crystal light. Had some egg whites.

I need a pedicure... *sigh*... among other things... I woke up from weird dreams this morning. I was w/ some lady who I shared a hotel room with and she left out candy for ghosts, and my Dad and I were talking to some guy and I was trying to give him a pep talk and my Dad said if I don't lose my license that he's gonna buy me that car he looked at for me. I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I can't believe I'm in this mess. It really sucks. And it seems like no one really knows what to do to help me. My doctors aren't doing shit for me. I just hope my therapist and a lawyer is good enough. Great now I've started thinking about it and am beginning to feel shitty about things again. I'm gonna do some homework and talk to my friend on AIM and not think about it.
-me

License

So, someone told Harrisburg of my "medical condition" and the state wants to take away my license. So I have to go through a whole process of getting letters from my doctors stating that I am okay to drive. I'm going to get them from my psychiatrist, my family doctor, my therapist and my case manager. All saying I'm not on those medications anymore and that I am able to drive. I have to go to court for this. My mom thinks I don't understand the severity of this. Yes, I know I could have killed 3 people in the other car, which I'm sure are the ones who wanted my license taken away, which I don't blame them for. But if they knew the situation a bit better... I made a mistake... anyways, hopefully I can get a court date before the scheduled time for me to send in my license. Sucks to be me right about now.

That's all. Watched Garden State with Dan tonight cos he's never seen it. It's a good movie, so I didnt mind watching it again. Tomorrow I have to write my paper for Research Methods. Yay!
Thanks for reading.
-Laura
ps- here is a link to the car my parent's want to get me...

Dating Without Novacaine

Watching the Rhihanna story on ABC. I don't really have anything to say except that I've been there, and she's right "Eff love... cos it's so blind..." I totally agree with that statement. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 plus years and I didn't get out till he broke up with ME... I often wonder if he's abusing his gf, or wife if she and he are married. I wouldn't be surprised if he was.

Anyways, found out something really disturbing that happened to my friend on Monday, and it just holds true that my beliefs that the dating website plentyoffish.com is filled with psychos and weirdos and creeps. I wish my friend hadn't had to find out the hard way. Luckily, the only people I met from there that were nuts live far away from me. He's in the porn industry. What a great job for this guy who described himself as a self-made millionaire. He left his ex gf and son back in Oregon? to proceed with this "career"... one of the other guys I met on there remains my friend and worries that he may be seen as creepy. I think his profile is too safe and innocent for that to happen. Just beware any future users of POF... it's really an unsafe environment. I met one creepy guy off there who practically demanded to come back to my apartment to have sex. Thanks for the Starbucks though!

Moving on... so it's been over 2 weeks now and my face hasn't healed completely. I have some burn marks on my chin and going up to my nose and I still have some bumps and bruises on my chest (side note: Jesus christ could my parent's make it any hotter in the house? I'm dying). The burn marks on my nose are kinda annoying cos you can tell I'm missing skin on the tip of my nose so my pores are like HELLO! I've been covering it up with makeup and been pretty successful so far with it. Except for the fact of looking a bit orange today, but that's okay, I have that Day-Glo thing going on ;)

Anyways, you all know I love the Phillies. Well, they went to the World Series and lost to the Yankees. It would've been cool if they had won again, but the Yankees are a bought team. They bought their way to the World Series. Anyways, I made some friends on twitter on PhilliesNation and PhilliesPeeps this past season and of course my good friend Allen Schatz aka @raschatz *hopefully he'll still talk to me when he's the best selling author of his book Game 7* anyways, so I friended one of the head's of Phillies Nation and he wrote up an article of what happened at the World Series and I think he can sum it up better than I can so here's his article:
http://www.hardballtimes.com/main/content/article/why-the-philles-lost-the-world-series/ written by a very talented soon to be sportswriter if I got that right: Corey Seidman. He made the best point in the article that the shutdowns of Brad Lidge and Cole Hamels were key to the shutdown of the Phils during most of the games. My Dad also said this.

Avon Calling. I so want to be an Avon Lady while I'm in school. They're talking about it on the news right now. I've got like 6 more years, sure I'll be working in the field after I finish my Bachelor's *and of course I'll go back into working slowly for those of you who know my situation* but that PhD is a long way off. And now after this accident I'm kinda wondering if I should ever even buy a Porsche when I can afford one. My parent's are going out to look for a new car for me tomorrow morning.

Anyways, my Best Bud *Buddy- my favorite kitty in the whole world* is laying on my laptop bag next to me. He's such a doll. I love his little paws. Okay, I'm shutting up now. Oh, I got the piercing that they took out of my ear back in. Thank god. I just need someone to put the ball on it. Thanks for reading!
-Laura

Accident

Yesterday, around 730 pm I was almost home and I passed out in my car and drove into the other lane and slammed head first into an oncoming car. My airbags went off. I screamed and thought I was about to die.

Well, I didn't die, and I dont think anyone who was in the other car got hurt either, but we all were taken to the hospital. I was first in the trauma unit because I complained of chest pains which I still have. I believe I"m just bruised on my chest. My face is a bloody mess. Not English bloody, but really bloody. I've tried washing off the blood and picked some of it off, but it starts to puss and it really hurts and stuff. This coming from the girl who has her nipples pierced. They took out one of my piercings that I have had for 8 years that i really liked in my ear. I haven't ever seen anyone with that piercing before and I got a lot of compliments with that.

My car may be totaled and I just got it in January. A ford explorer which I really liked. Now I don't know what I'm gonna do. Hopefully I can get a rental car or something. I can't not drive. I live alone and I do like to leave my aptment occasionally. For real. I basically did this to myself. The first time I swerved on the road I should have driven back to my aptment and asked my mom to bring my book to me. Which reminds me, I need to do my homework. So I'll go find my book and see if I can do some of my homework. I emailed my teacher and told her the mess of a story. I hope she believes me.

I may just go back to sleep for a little while instead of doing homework. I'll find my book though cos I haven't seen it yet. Anyways, thanks for reading.
-Laura

Sad but true... i'm not the one who's so far away

It's been a crappy couple of days except for one thing that's been going on, but I don't want to jinx it by saying anything about it.
Yesterday, *oh mi god i love pandora, it like read my mind, i needed to hear this song right now and it came on- metallica's whiskey in the jar...*... anyways, yesterday we were supposed to get some nasty storms, and i was up and trying to take a nap and was planning on going to my parent's later in the day and i heard tons of thunder coming nearer and closer... i finally got up and packed some shit together that i'd need and packed up my laptop and covered it and ran out in the storm and the lightning and shit and was drenched by the time i got to my car *laptop was okay though* and i got in and started driving... at some points i was dead stopped in the middle of the road because i couldn't see anything... anyways, so i finally get to a place in north wales where it looks like it barely rained, and then i get to a place where it really barely rained and i do a lefthand turn and end up doing a complete 180 onto the road *Morris Road in case anyone knows or wants to know* and ended up hitting the brake eventually cos i was kinda shocked i was just spinning... then i ended up going up the side of a lawn onto someone's property and hitting their fence and fucking it up... so, i got into an accident... i know now not to drive in torrential downpours cos my tires got slicked up from that... so i got a rental and the car just needs some work done underneath to the alignment and what not and the spot i hit it on july 4th needs to be repaired... that got worse... *I hit a sign and ended up with a crack in my front bumper cos of Matt basically*... anyways, so today I get to court where the same cop who did my accident report was representing the cop who pulled me over back in June... He was nice, but I have to pay $20 every month when I barely have any money... so I'm gonna put away $5 a week to help pay for it...
Anyways, i went out to lunch with my mom then went to the dentist and came back here... I noticed the electricity went out while I was out... Matt comes over and is trying to open my DVD player and the damn thing won't work... it got fried in the storm yesterday when the power went out... for some reason this put the fear of god back into me about storms and now i'm afraid of them all over again... A friend on twitter, or should I call you a follower Allan? mentioned there were storms in the Pittsburgh area and instantly my anxiety arose thinking that the storms could be headed this way... I hope to god not... tomorrow we're supposed to get more... bad ones cos of the heat... hopefully ill be alright during them...
Anyways, that's not the only shitty thing... a dude from POF went off on me today cos I was playing around asking him where he's been lately and he said he's been busy and I said "that's what they all say" and he got all pissed off, told me to suck a dick and then blocked me... I wasn't having that, so I got on 2 different screennames and on one of them he was calling me psycho for having a bunch of different sn's... *it's insurance people- don't you get it? i know so many people who have at least 2 signed on at once* and he called me a fat cunt when he has never even seen pictures of me besides my face and he knows i'm trying to lose a bunch of weight... and ive seen pics of him, and he himself is fat... this is what i don't get, fat people calling other people fat... it's like look in the mirror you fucking hypocrite *ie: trevor and his porn star friend* at least I'm trying to do something about it... I think the dude flipped out at me because i wasn't going to look like the fantasy girl he wanted me to look like... which all makes me worried about my big meeting with someone next week... *ok, i heard this tallica song earlier today, but ill listen to it again because it's just so fucking good*... and i'm not only worried about that, i'm worried that i'm going to smother him because of my fucking illness... i feel like i may already be texting him too much... although he's been totally cool about it... i fell asleep on the phone w/ him the other night... i was so embarassed... thank you body for finally wanting to sleep... *hold my breath as i wish for dead, oh please god wake me*... anyways, i had coffee this morning, and tea this afternoon... i'm tired as hell, but i wanted to get this out... anyways, i'm just nervous that i'm gonna fuck something up b/w us if there even is an us at all... i dont know what he's gonna think when he meets me... i hate my body so much right now... but if justin loved it, then i guess another guy can too... i miss justin...
I talked to him last Sunday. Forgot to tell him that "hank and biz" are no longer. He wouldve been amused. I feel bad for leaving him alone to his own lonesomeness at their circus, i mean wedding. Meanwhile I got stoned. I was already pretty stoned off all the klonopin and mebarol that i had to take to get through the damn day... being kicked out of the wedding party when you're the groom's sister is not a fun thing to be... anyways, i just miss him. We told each other we love each other. I don't think I'll ever stop loving Justin. But I do want to move on. No matter how scary that is. And I think I found someone I'd like to move on with, no matter how different he is from what I thought he would be. Our conversations, though few have been the only thing keeping me happy the past few days. We had a good long one last night, well not that long, almost an hour... I enjoyed myself... okay, i think i'm done venting... Godsmack *love them* is on now on pandora *i love this program* and matt hasn't come back w/ a dvd player or my old one yet from target... but i did turn down my air conditioning... dropping it all the way down to 65 degrees when i come in really cools it off fast... voodoo voodoo voodoo...
-Laura